The Colbert Report - Episode Guide

"Dateline NBC" host Stone Phillips discusses his career as an anchor and compares neckties and Emmy Awards with Stephen.

Award-winning journalist Lesley Stahl discusses Watergate, the Valerie Plame scandal and a new strategy for "60 Minutes."

Fareed Zakaria of "Newsweek" discusses outsourcing, Saddam Hussein's trial and his own centrist views.

Financial expert and "Mad Money" host Jim Cramer explains why it's beneficial to invest in foreign markets.

Lou Dobbs thinks America needs to stop running trade deficits and fix its broken borders.

Metaphorically speaking in terms of "Sex and the City," Greg Behrendt considers himself as a Charlotte by day and Samantha by night.

Astrophysics is like jazz: it's the notes they don't play that matter.

Stephen quizzes Jeff Daniels on the town in Michigan where he lives and talks about Easter egg hunting at Sly Stone's house.

Monica Crowley bears no relation to Alistair Crowley, the founder of modern Satanism, though Stephen could imagine a resemblance if she shaved her head and held a goat skull.

Stephen asks Ken Burns why nobody is doing a documentary about his show.

Bruce Feiler has walked the Bible and believes that God was born in Iraq.

Stephen Colbert gushes over "The West Wing," a show that's destroying America.

Stephen speak with governor-hopeful Eliot Spitzer about campaign costs, his chances of winning and if he agrees that bears are a major threat.

To get into the news business, Catherine Crier said, "Boys, I've got a camera in the living room. You wanna come over and make a tape?"

Stephen and author Mary Roach contact a spirit from the past in the studio.

Cokie Roberts recalls an old Washington, where people could disagree without being disagreeable.

Stephen pitches former Senator Bob Kerrey his plan for training the Iraqi army.

Al Sharpton talks about the war in Iraq, racism and the best ways to motivate yourself to lose some weight.

Matt Taibbi interviewed the former head of the Office of National Drug Policy Control while on acid, wearing a Viking costume.

Stephen asks Tim Robbins what it's like to work with Clint Eastwood and why he hates our troops.

By saying that science has more validity than a feeling, Brian Greene is implying that Stephen Colbert descended from a monkey.

Stephen wants Richard Preston to scare the pants off of him.

Katrina vanden Heuvel is a proud liberal who is considered mainstream on her stances in ending the war in Iraq and on national health care.

Former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke discusses his new book of fiction, "The Scorpion's Gate."

Maureen Dowd proves that when you send a woman to do a man's job, they wind up abolishing men.

Stephen is getting tired of all the comparisons between himself and Anderson Cooper.

Stephen and Craig Crawford go way back to their youthful days at the alternative congressional paper, the Congressional Fortnightly.

Peggy Noonan speaks with Stephen about her new book and President Bush's bad luck.

Harry Smith of "The Early Show" shares some his favorite interviews and narrowly avoids getting nailed.

Bob Costas reveals which sports are manly and which ones are just low-scoring European prance parties.

Dermot Mulroney tells Stephen about his new movie, what it's like to be a chick-flick actor, and whether or not he could take Yo-Yo Ma.

Stephen talks to Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban about politics and how he became a billionaire.

Nancy Grace talks about what's right and wrong with the legal system.

Stephen speaks with Carl Bernstein about what Bush and Nixon have in common and points out that a strong president is better than an honest president.

John Stossel tells Stephen what's wrong with the education system and Stephen tells John what a freedom-tarian is.

Kenneth Miller talks about evolution, what's so clever about God, the flu and what he likes to call the "Steve Martin Theory of Evolution."

George Stephanopoulos relates politics to wrestling at Stephen's insistence.

Stephen talks to Andrew Sullivan about blogging and the repercussions of some of his blog posts.

Training German Shepherds in Germany prepared Frank McCourt to teach high school.

If you pledge $1,000 to The Colbert Report, Nina Totenberg will come to your shower in a plush terry cloth robe.

Stephen hits a nerve by comparing David Gregory to Major Garrett.

Stephen Colbert struts his stuff before Washington Post fashion columnist Robin Givhan.

Author Norah Vincent bulked up in order to pass as a man for her book, "Self-Made Man," but she didn't go on the juice.

Paul Begala explains how Democrats can take the country back and Bill Clinton's effect on his life.

Based on champion poker player Annie Duke's criteria for being a pro, Stephen thinks President Bush must be a really good gambler.

David Marash explains his rationale for moving to Al Jazeera International from Nightline.

Slate's Emily Yoffe tells Stephen about her time as a phone psychic, a nude model and a bleeding street performer.

Christine Todd Whitman's concern about political discourse in this country prompts Stephen to cut off her mic.

Senator Barbara Boxer rates President Bush and allows Stephen to read a passage from her novel, " A Time To Run."

James Woolsey gives the president two and a half cheers for his State of the Union pledge to cut dependence on oil.

Alan Dershowitz discusses the dangers of preemption and why invading Iran might not be a bad idea.

Stephen finds a better way to look at the Iraq war than George Packer's critique of it.

Stephen tries to get Lama Surya Das to sell him on the concept of nonviolence for America.

Dr. Michael Eric Dyson discusses the nation's racial divide in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

The New York Times columnist David Brooks talks about being the conservative that liberals can like.

Reverend Tony Campolo believes putting religion and politics together is like mixing ice cream with horse manure.

Stephen asks what Brett O'Donnell thinks of the debate between Job and God.

Stephen wants to know why Arianna Huffington hates black people.

Jeffrey Sachs explains that giving a little aid to impoverished countries is the least that Americans can do.

Bob Schieffer has good ratings for his morning show because most of his elderly viewers died in the night and left the television on.

Political scientist Norman Ornstein explains how the current Congress does less than nothing.

James Webb discusses his opinions on the current state of American politics and the war in Iraq.

The only thing Lorraine Bracco is not looking forward to about "The Sopranos" is putting on pantyhose every time she has to go into that office.

Christopher Buckley and Jack Abramoff may dress differently, but otherwise, they are very similar.

Stephen thinks being a bully is just another way of getting your points across passionately.

Al Franken speculates on why Bill O'Reilly doesn't do USO tours.

Frank Vincent is so manly that he lives in a town called Nutley.

Connie Chung went back to work because her husband, Maury Povich, was sick of her being around the house all the time.

Does Morley Safer makes Steve Kroft run and get him cigarettes on the set of "60 Minutes"?

Former Coalition Provisional Authority spokesman Dan Senor is conservative on national security but liberal on neckties.

John Kasich, host of "The Heartland with John Kasich" on FOX News, lists honesty, integrity, personal responsibility and humility among the best of America's traditional values.

Gary Hart shows Stephen how to make an attack dog out of duct tape.

Let's see how Michael Brown handles the aftermath of Hurricane Colbert.

Stephen asks Bruce Bartlett where he gets off saying Bush isn't Reagan.

Stephen questions filmmaker Robert Greenwald on why he's so convinced of Tom DeLay's guilt when DeLay isn't even in prison.

If it gets him to his gate faster, Stephen will agree with anything Michael Smerconish says.

Stephen asks Reverend Jesse Jackson what he thinks of his plan to repopulate New Orleans' abandoned Ninth Ward with illegal immigrants.

Harvey Mansfield and Stephen collide in a perfect storm of man musk.

Stephen asks blogger and Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas how many shirts he goes through because of his bleeding heart.

Religious scholar Reza Aslan promises to say something inflammatory next time.

Even though America isn't a Christian nation, Stephen thinks ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero should acknowledge that we're almost all Christians.

Stephen asks author and journalist Caitlin Flanagan, "What's the deal with chicks?"

Stephen and Ralph Nader discuss whether corporations are people too.

Hugh Hewitt thinks the Republicans are aiming at an electoral iceberg and they need to turn the ship around quickly.

Sam Harris reminds Stephen that we're all atheists with respect to Poseidon.

Sebastian Junger is even more rugged in person than he appears on the back of his books.

Neocon Bill Kristol makes some friends on the Upper West Side with a prediction that the Democrats will take the House in the upcoming election.

Jon Meacham describes the care the founding fathers took to protect freedom of religious expression without creating a theocracy.

Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee talks to Stephen about exercise, crystal meth and deep-fried Twinkies.

The last time Stephen checked, you needed four stars and a condo in Pebble Beach to speak out against the war.

Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly talks with Stephen about golf, steroids and swimsuit models.

Stephen talks to feminine sexuality expert Shere Hite about female orgasms, the clitoris and societal expectations of sex.

New York Times columnist Frank Rich discuss Democrats, Republicans and the parties' respective theaters of choice.

Bill Bastone, editor of The Smoking Gun, explains why they don't bother covering the good news in celebrities' lives.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright talks about God, government and her new book, " The Mighty and the Almighty."

Kevin Phillips talks to Stephen about his book, "American Theocracy," and explains how he really feels about God.

Tyson Slocum talks about alternative energy sources, and Stephen gives him the debate of his career.

Author Jonathan Alter calls Theodore Roosevelt the Bing Crosby of presidents; Stephen calls George W. Bush the FDR of today.

Stephen asks paleontologists Ted Daeschler why he can't just leave fossils alone to ripen into oil.

After a montage of Stephen's greatest guests, Stone Phillips returns for a rematch of their previous gravitas-off.

Christiane Amanpour instructs Stephen on the correct way to pronounce Iraq and Iran.

Stephen asks Steve Squyres, the principal investigator of the Mars Exploration Rover Mission, if they've found oil on Mars yet.

Author Steve Johnson talks about how kids today are recreating history in video games instead of stealing their dads' beer.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. supports his article in Rolling Stone Magazine claiming President Bush stole the 2004 presidential election.

Author and climatologist Tim Flannery attempts to convince Stephen that humans are causing a global climate change.

Author David Sirota thinks campaigns should be publicly financed. Stephen thinks author David Sirota is a Communist.

Author Michael Pollan explains how modern food choices will make future generations have shorter lives.

Stephen brings back Esteban from "Colberto Reporto Gigante" to interview Gustavo Arellano.

Bart Ehrman discusses the history of the word of Jesus and Stephen offers him irrefutable logic.

Bay Buchanan is dedicated to building a fence along the 2,000 mile border between the U.S. and Mexico.

Author Douglas Brinkley addresses why the levees broke during Hurricane Katrina and what the future holds for New Orleans.

Mark Bowden describes the similarities between the West's first encounter with extremist Muslims and the current one.

Chris Matthews shows Stephen who's got harder balls in a full-nelson breaking competition.

Robert Baer tells Stephen we invaded the wrong country, which does not penetrate Stephen's armor of belief.

Author Christopher Noxon defines the difference between adults who are childish and those who are childlike.

Amy Sedaris discusses her new movie, "Strangers With Candy," before tumbling with Stephen and Tad.

Pro skateboarder Tony Hawk and Stephen agree that it's better to continue hurting yourself than to give up.

Mort Zuckerman believes that George W. Bush is an awful president but feels that John Kerry would have been worse.

Stephen explains to author Ron Suskind that if we didn't invade someone, we would have tripped over our preparedness.

Stephen makes sure Princeton professor Lee Silver knows that he doesn't know more than Stephen does about genetic engineering.

Dhani Jones has the ability to be a mindless crushing machine, and yet he chooses to read poetry and listen to classical music.

Joe Scarborough took money from Jack Abramoff, and it felt good.

Stephen has a problem taking Tom Brokaw seriously when he's not wearing a tie.

Author and former editor of The New York Times, Howell Raines discusses the fishing adventure on which his book is based.

Executive director of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, William Donohue discusses Hollywood and anti-Catholicism.

Attorney Neal Katyal shows his love for this country by defending Guantanamo Bay detainees before the Supreme Court.

Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Joe Quesada discusses a new series of comics entitled Civil War, which combines superheroes with today's government.

Stephen asks Senate hopeful Ned Lamont if he thinks the president's going to kiss him.

Peter Beinart stops by to talk about his book, "The Good Fight," and why he changed his mind about the war.

No matter what Linda Hirshman says, men can't stay home and raise children -- daytime TV is all geared towards women.

Paul Hackett came back from Iraq, began a bid for an Ohio Senate seat, then dropped out. Stephen asks him about running and cutting.

William C. Rhoden looks to free the admittedly wealthy black athlete from the institutionalization of wealthy white-run sports.

Stephen nails overachiever Alexandra Robbins for pulling up the ladder from the top of the tool shed.

Stephen asks MoveOn.org's Eli Pariser who he is, what he does and how he wants to destroy America.

Ramesh Ponnuru explains how activist judges and embryonic stem cell research contribute to the Democrats status as the party of death.

Stephen has heard that David Gergen is a moderate Republican, and he wants some answers about exactly how that makes any sense.

Stephen asks Morgan Spurlock why he'd want to know what other people's lives are like.

Stephen Colbert and Neil Young get out their guitars.

Stephen asks linguist Geoffrey Nunberg, author of "Talking Right," how he can discredit a group that calls themselves "right."

Paul Krugman is part of that fringe 60% of the population that thinks the war was a mistake.

Gideon Yago thinks it's partially the viewer's fault that music videos are contributing to the fragmentation of American culture. Stephen thinks he's blaming America first.

Stephen stumps Janna Levin -- a theoretical physicist -- by asking her the hardest question in the world.

Stephen asks Martin Short what it's like to interview guests in character.

American hero Toby Keith talks about his new movie and smoking weed with Willie Nelson.

"Brainiac" author and "Jeopardy" champ Ken Jennings tells Stephen what it's like knowing things no one else cares about.

EPSN's Bill Simmons obsesses over sports at the expense of every other part of his life, like most people.

Stephen asks hip-hop performer Will Power the difference between rap and hip-hop.

Frank Rich, author of "The Greatest Story Ever Sold," becomes the first New York Times op-ed columnist to return to The Report.

Stephen asks James Carville how he ever made the transition from the backstabbing, egocentric world of Washington to Hollywood.

Stephen has a beef with Daniel Ellsberg, who leaked the Pentagon Papers in 1971.

No matter what Arianna Huffington says, fear is a great motivator. It got Stephen through every term paper he ever had.

Stephen asks Ted Danson why his new sitcom doesn't take place underwater.

Why do more young people watch The Report than watch PBS?

Steve Wozniak loves to cut his steak on airplanes with his business card.

Stephen and Michael Lewis talk about privilege in America.

Stephen speaks with union leader Andy Stern about insurance and the growing gap between the rich and the poor, and suggests robots as a plan for America's future.

When Stephen found out Senator Byron Dorgan was coming he thought he'd do a North Dakota-themed show, until he couldn't think of anything else from North Dakota.

Stephen has heard that liberal radio and TV host Amy Goodman is a real firebrand, so he wants her to bring it.

Randy Newman wonders whether he's at the McCarthy hearings -- and rolls over on George Clooney.

Ariel Levy thinks women who imitate porn stars are far from any sort of authentic sexual liberation. Stephen thinks she sounds like a Muslim fundamentalist.

Andrew Sullivan is the only gay conservative Stephen knows, but Stephen thought that traditional conservatives were closeted homosexuals.

Stephen is disappointed to learn from Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer that the state has given into the Feds and adopted speed limits.

Barry Scheck does DNA testing trying to exonerate the wrongfully convicted. Stephen thinks he sounds soft on crime.

Biologist Richard Dawkins explains that he does not believe in God, but also that the world was not created randomly.

Stephen and David Kuo talk about "compassionate conservatives" and the separation of church and state.

Dr. Peter Agre argues that basic understanding of science needs to be more widespread among the citizens of this country.

Stephen presents Barry Manilow with a peace treaty, and they agree to joint custody of the infamous Emmy.

Tim Robbins talks about his movie "Catch a Fire," debates Stephen on the issue of torture and gets nailed.

Penn Jillette stops by to shatter all that little children believe and get Stephen with a card trick.

Ron Reagan stops by to explain why stem cell research is so important and to give Stephen the Full Gipper.

Mark Halperin believes not many reporters watch The Colbert Report, and that's a problem.

Following the midterm election results, a flustered Stephen Colbert explains that he thought America would have lasted longer than 230 years.

Stephen and Jeff Greenfield discuss the aftermath of the midterm elections, and Stephen asks questions Jeff has never heard before.

Stephen asks Segway inventor Dean Kamen if wheelchairs that can climb stairs spell the end of handicapped parking.

Dan Rather is honored to be on The Report with an icon of Stephen's stature. And so is Stephen.

CEO of Timberland, Jeff Swartz, argues that you can run a corporation and have a positive impact on the environment at the same time.

American Museum of Natural History paleontologist Mike Novacek attempts to convince Stephen of evolution and the future of the human species.

Stephen asks Richard Linklater how fast food can be that bad - after all, they make happy meals.

Jim Lehrer says it takes a lot of courage to be boring five nights a week.

Stephen nails Harry Shearer for his lack of political correctness in naming his new book "Not Enough Indians."

Stephen asks director Nora Ephron why so much of his performance in "Bewitched" hit the cutting room floor.

Would Mark McGwire's head even fit on a Hall of Fame plaque?

Stephen tells video game designer Will Wright that his viewers are his Sims.

Stephen tells Steven Levitt, author of "Freakonomics," that figures never lie, but liars figure.

NYU President John Sexton thinks Stephen is contributing to a disease.

Dr. Francis Collins tries to convince Stephen that evolution is God's plan for giving upgrades.

"The Ethics of What We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter" author Dr. Peter Singer tells Stephen that human beings are speciesists.

Stephen and sex columnist Dan Savage reveal their porn names.

Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin tells Stephen that if Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he might be the host of The Colbert Report.

Daniel Pinchbeck believes the Mayan god Quetzalcoatl is making a comeback. Stephen wants to know who he is and why we should be excited about him.

Stephen asks Jack Welch how he's making it on a fixed income and has him sign a copy of his book, "Winning," for his father-in-law.

Deepak Chopra talks to Stephen about life after death, maintaining a youthful biology and his book, which costs 24 dollars.

Henry Kissinger provides the "starting gun" of the competition by declaring that "it is time to rock," and then Chris Funk offers his shredding solo.

Director of the Drug Policy Alliance Ethan Nadelmann argues to legalize marijuana to reduce America's prison population.

Jim Cramer tells Stephen how to get the most out of watching his show.

Stephen and David Kamp discuss the fancy-pantsification of American food.

Judy Woodruff talks about her new PBS documentary on Generation Next and grills Stephen on his tattoos.

Alex Kuczynski explains why we don't look better after spending $15 billion on plastic surgery.

Dinesh D'Souza believes saying that the cultural left is causing America's destruction would be going too far.

Stephen sells Richard Clarke's book with promises of robot sex.

Stephen finally gets to sit at the foot of the master, Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly.

Stephen demands to know why Tom Schaller thinks the Democrats don't need to bother with the South to win the 2008 election.

Michael Steele sits with Stephen to talk about that special Bush magic.

Stephen and Lou Dobbs agree that Congress should be accountable for America's problems.

Stephen proves to Mike Wallace that it doesn't take an hour to nail somebody.

Stephen asks Barry Lando if giving context to the situation in Iraq is the same as giving aid and comfort to our enemy.

Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.

Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.

Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.

Stephen's speaks with Teach for America founder Wendy Kopp and suggests that eliminating schools entirely is the best way to achieve equal educational opportunity.

Journalist Charlie LeDuff talks about "US Guys" and tells Stephen that the manliest men in America are in Oklahoma's gay rodeo.

Stephen tells Steven Pinker that he doesn't fear evolution because he doesn't believe in it.

Chris Hedges tells Stephen why the Christian right are America fascists and why his views of Christianity proves that he was home schooled.

Dr. Michael Oppenheimer says Stephen can help address the climate crisis with only minor sacrifices. Stephen says he's got the wrong guy.

Stephen asks journalist Sheryl WuDunn whether China is a friend, a foe, or a frenemy.

Stephen asks Lance Armstrong if "Livestrong" isn't a little weak compared to "Livestronger" or "Livestrongest."

Shashi Tharoor explains that the UN consists of more than a bunch of blue-helmeted refugee-huggers.

Stephen and author Zev Chafets get to the bottom of which of the two of them is the most Jewish.

Stephen asks Dr. Craig Venter to sequence Stephen's genetic code in exchange for the free advertising Venter's getting by being on the show.

Stephen walks anthropologist Nina Jablonski through his skin care regimen.

Larry King calls Stephen Colbert an egomaniac like it's a bad thing.

Mara Vanderslice and Stephen go head to head on which issues people of faith care about.

Stephen and Mark Frauenfelder shoot marshmallow guns at each other.

New Yorker reporter Michael Specter explains how Vladimir Putin's critics have been mysteriously dying.

Ted Koppel suggests that Stephen reconsider prancing around in front of the audience.

The New York Times columnist Nicolas Kristof complains that Americans aren't charitable enough, even though Stephen let him on his show.

Michael Eric Dyson explains the difference between racism and bigotry and assures Stephen that he's probably got a few black relatives.

Ed Viesturs agrees to plant a Colbert Report flag on top of Mount Everest the next time he goes.

Stephen asks Ayaan Hirsi Ali if fundamentalist Christians should battle fundamentalist Muslims.

Dr. Jerome Groopman discusses "How Doctors Think" and explains that Dr. Gregory House is based on Sherlock Holmes, who was addicted to cocaine, not heroine.

Stephen and Willie Nelson sample each other's ice creams for the first time. Willie enjoys Americone Dream and Stephen accepts an unspoken apology.

Benjamin Barber explains why consumer culture is bad for humanity and Stephen inquires as to whether he's a Subway or a Quiznos man.

Stephen wonders if Katie Couric would have an easier time delivering the news if she did it as a man.

Stephen draws a chart for John Perry Barlow explaining that you don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Though Stephen is excited for the imminent World War III, Madeleine Albright explains that Armageddon is not exactly a foreign policy.

Stephen suggests blaming the pilgrims for the origin of the "N" Word.

Clive James, author of "Cultural Amnesia," asks Stephen if he has to put some thought into appearing so thoughtless.

As Colin Beavan talks about his environmentally conscientious lifestyle, Stephen times him with a microwave.

Jeannette Walls, author of "The Glass Castle," finds out what happens when Stephen throws stones.

Vali Nasr discusses the difference between Sunnis and Shias -- though Stephen thought the major difference was whether they greeted us with flowers or candy.

Dr. Richard Land of the Southern Baptist Convention gives Stephen the scoop on Northern Baptists.

John Kerry hints that this may not be the first time he did not consider running for president.

Elaine Pagels tells Stephen about the gospel according to Judas.

Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.

Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.

Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.

Dr. Andrew Weil tells Stephen that it's possible to channel his rage in a useful way and that he finds Dr. House to be too cynical.

Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.

Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.

Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.

Malcolm Gladwell explains that Colin Powell knew what would happen in Iraq because of his experience and Stephen claims knowledge is elitist.

Stephen asks Gina Kolata what the one food is he can eat that will make him lose weight and make sure he never dies.

Conn Iggulden tells Stephen why it's so important for boys to play dangerous games.

Richard Preston tells Stephen about people who have sex in hammocks in giant tress.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb's book, "The Black Swan," is about the power of randomness. Coincidentally, he was also the winner of Stephen's Pull a Guest Out of a Hat Sweepstakes.

Salman Rushdie comes out of hiding to tell Stephen about the importance of literary criticism.

Jann Wenner, founder of Rolling Stone, predicts that Foghat will be hot in 40 years.

William Langewiesche explains to Stephen why America shouldn't spend too much time worrying about other nations getting the nuclear bomb.

Walter Isaacson speaks to Stephen about Albert Einstein's rebellious childhood and how he used the Nobel Prize to get his wife to divorce him.

Stephen asks Howard Dean, hypothetically, which candidate would he support: Arack Bobama or Mallory Vinton?

Stephen asks Tom DeLay, author of "No Retreat, No Surrender," how to get rid of this country's Democrat infestation.

Jared Diamond explains how a conflagration of agriculture and resources helped Eurasians conquer the world.

Former center John Amaechi joins Stephen to discuss how hard it was to remember that he was the gay one in the NBA.

Author Bob Deans explains there were slaves in America before there were pilgrims.

Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales says that his staff is scrambling to protect Wikipedia from Stephen.

Bard College president Leon Botstein explains how educating prisoners is an effective way to reintroduce them to society.

Jessica Valenti has a hard time believing that the girls in the "Girls Gone Wild" videos are flashing their breasts for their own pleasure.

Carl Bernstein's new book "A Woman in Charge" is about Hillary Clinton. Stephen hopes it has a happy ending.

Cullen Murphy, author of "Are We Rome?," wonders if America is like the Roman Empire.

Dr. Michael Gershon's book has the subtitle, "Your gut has a mind of its own." Stephen couldn't agree more.

Blogger Josh Wolf served prison time for withholding videotapes of an anarchist protest from authorities, so Stephen is sending a copy of their interview straight to the Feds.

Ron Paul is a constitutionalist and claims Stephen is confused because he hasn't seen one in a while.

Moses and Socrates are just a couple of the famous people in history who have heard voices in their heads.

The outspoken country music artist speaks with Stephen about the Colbert Bump on iTunes and the mutual benefits of being friends with each other.

Anne-Marie Slaughter is the author of "The Idea That Is America" -- Chapter One: Stephen Colbert.

Will Schwalbe is the co-author of "Send," a book on e-mail etiquette. Where does he stand on lists of why cats are better than men?

Vincent Bugliosi, author of "Reclaiming History," says Oswald killed Kennedy. Spoiler alert: Stephen is going to mildly disagree with him.

Tom Hayden, author of "Ending the War in Iraq," was one of the Chicago Seven. He's about to meet all of the Colbert One.

David France tells Stephen about the science that further supports the theory that homosexuality is genetic, but must admit that not all the science has been scienced.

Professional tattle-tale Tom Blanton explains to Stephen why the Freedom of Information Act is so important and what freedom is all about.

Doug Bailey's Unity '08 party is trying to draft candidates by popular demand, including Michael Bloomberg, Tom Brokaw, and Stephen.

The Bohemian-Gay Index is part of a new series of statistics that indicates that gay people raise property values in a neighborhood -- not the San Francisco phone book.

Stephen is disappointed when Mark Moffett tells him that China has already found a way to make money off of ants.

John Mellencamp may be for peace, but he is no pacifist.

Frank Sulloway's research indicates that elder siblings have a greater chance of being the smarter sibling. As the youngest of 11, Stephen takes issue with that.

Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.

ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.

When Charles Kaiser suggests that New York is a gay metropolis because of critical mass, Stephen understands that to mean it's like a dangerous nuclear bomb.

Democratic campaign strategist Bob Shrum wants to know if Stephen's wrist injury has made him reconsider his position on universal health care.

Chicago Tribune's Beijing Bureau Chief, Evan Osnos, argues that the American demand for cashmere has caused pollution clouds to travel from China to American soil.

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.

Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.

The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.

Author and video game designer Ian Bogost explains how video games allow people to put themselves in other people's shoes.

Friend of the show Jim Cramer seemed a little on edge on CNBC last Friday.

Stephen commends Judd Apatow on casting a man no woman in her right mind would ever want to sleep with as a 40-year-old virgin.

Michael Jacobson stops by to seriously bum out Stephen about pepperoni pizza, Cheddar Combos and pretty much everything else that he loves to eat.

DNA freed Jerry Miller after 26 years in prison. Stephen presents him with a card.

Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals.

Andrew Keen, author of "The Cult of the Amateur," believes the Internet has replaced professionals with amateurs. It's certainly true of porn.

Stephen asks Nathan Sawaya if becoming a LEGO artist was the best way he could think of to tell his parents to go to hell.

Dr. Michael Shermer, author of "Why Darwin Matters," says we're just as gullible as previous generations.

Richard Branson takes action after feeling that Stephen has not plugged Virgin America enough.

Thomas Ricks, author of "Fiasco," discusses the significance of Dick Cheney's 2002 speech, one that Stephen wishes he would make again.

Bjorn Lomborg says that global warming isn't as catastrophic as people say while Stephen says it's not a problem at all.

Stephen enlists Garrison Keillor's help for a folksy commercial for his own Formula 401.

New York City Schools Chancellor Joel Klein is willing to pay kids for good grades while Stephen is willing to pay kids to smoke and play video games.

Ed Begley Jr. became interested in environmental issues as a Boy Scout and maintained his interest only to gain more merit badges.

Susan Sarandon tells Stephen that her phone was bugged because Sean Penn was probably calling her.

Naomi Wolf says America is on the road to fascism. Stephen calls Head of Secret Police!

Jeffrey Toobin, author of "The Nine," takes Stephen inside the world of the Supreme Court and reveals whether they have secret handshakes.

Stephen asks Thomas Friedman what it feels like to be a guy who's passionate about UPS.

John Grisham is taking a break from writing about lawyers. Now he's writing about pizzas.

Tony Bennett feels that celebrities have an obligation to speak up against injustice.

David Schwartz shows Stephen historic political ads that influenced election results and serve as inspiration for current political ads.

Charlie Savage says President Bush is acting like a king -- sounds like someone didn't get dukedom!

John Mearsheimer believes that concern for Israel controls U.S. foreign policy; Stephen thought it was Dick Cheney.

Stephen asks Jim Lovell if there's anything cooler than going to the moon.

John Kao says countries like Finland are starting to innovate better than the United States. Stephen wants to know if it's time to invade Finland.

George Saunders says our national conversation is getting shrill and divisive. Stephen says people like him are evil.

Stephen Colbert welcomes living legend and author of "I Am America (And So Can You!)," Stephen Colbert.

General Wesley Clark joins Stephen to talk about the difficulties of leadership and how diplomacy is the way to go.

Artist Chris Jordan takes pictures of people's garbage to show all the things people consume and discard.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich accepts Stephen's challenge to come on the show and empty out his pockets.

Author Bob Drogin explains how poor information from a taxi driver named Curveball has led to the worst intelligence and foreign policy failure in America's history.

Garry Kasparov, author of "How Life Imitates Chess," may be able to outsmart a computer, but can he outsmart a man who owns a computer?

Stephen thanks Craig Newmark, founder of Craigslist, for destroying the American newspaper.

Rick Berman and Stephen discuss why smoking, drinking, eating and skydiving shouldn't be regulated.

Scientist Craig Venter stops by to talk about genome decoding, the imperfections of God and what gives Stephen gas.

Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson believes the upper strata of the Bush administration hijacked strategy in Iraq. Stephen asks who should have done so instead.

Walter Kirn thinks multi-tasking is dangerous. Stephen thinks it's as safe as juggling while driving.

A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! is a Grammy Award-winning Christmas special starring Stephen Colbert.

While heading to the film studio to shoot his Christmas special with Elvis Costello, Colbert becomes trapped in a cabin in "bear country" when he hears a bear prowling outside. A number of his friends stop by the cabin to sing Christmas songs with him as Stephen tries to find ways to escape the cabin and make his Christmas as special as possible.