Johnny Rock

Johnny blames everyone but himself for his failure to be famous: his mother, his father, Dave Grohl, God, the entire decade of the 1990's - his list is almost endless. Of course, he doesn't really remember most of the 90's, having devoted his young brain cells to a 24/7/365 sex&drugs&rock&roll lifestyle. Now, at age 50, Johnny only sleeps with his longtime live-in girlfriend Ava, whom he loves almost as much as himself. And the drugs he really needs are not cocaine and marijuana, but Crestor, Cymbalta and Cialis. His talent is big. But so is his prostate. And his ego is bigger than both combined. He talks to God on a daily basis, if only to bitch about why He - or She (Johnny's playing it safe) - won't work things out and make Johnny Rock a household name. He would sell his soul to Satan if it meant gaining worldwide fame. Unfortunately, Satan has never made contact. In Johnny's world, that's about as good as it gets.