Santa in Mall

Born Kris Kringle, he lived at the North Pole with his wife, Mrs Claus. He visited all the good girls and boys every Christmas day, bringing them presents and candy to reward them for being good all year long. He also used to visit malls across America. Until one Christmas Eve, Charlie Kelly found him in a mall, angered by the news that a myriad of men dressed as Santa had been having sex with Mrs. Kelly every Christmas morning. So Charlie ripped out his carotid artery with his teeth, until he bled out on the Philadelphia mall floor. He died offscreen in the gore and panic that Charlie created with his violent attack. He is survived by his wife, and many, many elves who are held in the North Pole without pay.