At the Panda, Arthur is going through his junk mail. Janet offers to tap into the post office database and get Arthur off the mailing lists, and Tick finds a letter addressed to him and Arthur in a metallic envelope. It’s from the League of Superheroes, inviting them to join. Janet is shocked that she has never been invited, and figures that it’s because she’s a woman. The League has no minority or women members.
Later, Tick and Arthur enter the League HQ and Arthur thanks Tick for pushing and encouraging him. The League’s original manifesto is on display, and Tick promptly rips it... and rips it again. The Champion, president of the League, comes in and greets them. He takes them to the lounge and explains that superheroes come there to relax and be among the right kind of people. Champion says that they only invite the cream of the crop, and Arthur points out that the cream is all white. However, he says that they’d do anything to be League members, and Champion asks them to come back at 10 that night.
Janet and Batmanuel visit Batmanuel’s lawyer Steve Filbert, and Batmanuel explains that he’s engaged in a lot of litigation. The receptionist, Darlene, comes over and irritably wonders why Batmanuel is there. In the lawyer’s office, Janet insists that it’s an open-and-shut case of discrimination. Filbert--secretly Champion--angrily warns her that she’d be better sure and insists that the league isn’t discriminatory. He then claims that he’s just saying what the League’s lawyer would say, and suggests that Janet join a lesser female superhero group. Filbert says that she should get married and have children, and hastily says that the League will say that. Janet isn’t convinced, and Filbert says that he’ll take care of it
At the initiation meeting, Champion has Tick and Arthur swear to defend the honor of the League. He talks about enjoying the spoils of their righteous victory over evil, and Arthur and Tick try to recite the oath. It’s close enough, and Champion has them assume the position before being hit a thousand times each with the “Paddles of Transformation.”
Later at the Panda, Janet wonders if she doesn’t have the goods and questions whether to sue the League. Batmanuel tells her to do it, not just for the $100,000 kickback he’ll get but for her sex. Arthur and Tick come in and Arthur says that it’s like a dream come true. They show off their new membership rings, and Janet shows them the paperwork on her lawsuit. She says that she’s suing the League, and Tick and Arthur take off to respond to a League signal.
At the League HQ, Champion is changing into his street clothes and tells his fellow superheroes about Janet’s lawsuit. He admits that he had no choice but to take it. Tick and Arthur come in response to Filbert’s signal, and Filbert explains that he’s Champion. Once he removes his glasses, Tick is convinced and Filbert explains that their friend is suing them. He suggests that they have Janet back off and make it their first official mission.
As the duo go to Janet’s apartment, Tick says that he doesn’t like their new mission. Arthur doesn’t either but doesn’t want to screw up their League membership. Janet tells them that she isn’t dropping the lawsuit, and Arthur insists that they’re just visiting. She’s busy crushing nuts with a warhead, and complains that they’re abusing their friendship. Furious, she orders them out.
That night, Tick and Arthur meet Champion on a rooftop and Arthur warns that Janet isn’t backing off. Champion figures that she’ll take money and warns that they’re not scheduled for nightly patrol. He says that they have to have a League photographer with them when they fight crime, and shouldn’t be fighting petty crime because it’s beneath League members. Champion explains that they just sit around, do nothing, and scare people, and they get a signal for martinis at the club.
At the Panda, Janet tries to get minority and female superheroes to sign up for the class action lawsuit. Batmanuel gets a call from Filbert saying that the League is proposing a settlement, but Janet figures that the case is about all of them, but Batmanuel points out that the settlement is large enough that Janet could start her own League. Janet refuses to sell out and become as bad as Arthur and Tick.
At the League HQ, Arthur tries to make conversation with the other superheroes. Arthur fits in but Tick doesn’t get it and worries about petty criminals laughing at them. Champion and the others are flipping through security camera channels, and Tick spots the petty criminal from earlier. Batmanuel deals with him, and Champion and the others share a laugh as the criminal gets Batmanuel in a headlock. Arthur and Tick object, saying that Batmanuel is their friend, and Arthur realizes that they’re spoiled brats just like Janet said. He rips off his ring and Tick joins in.
Tick and Arthur meet Janet and Batmanuel at the law office, and apologize for what they did earlier. When Filbert comes in, Tick and Arthur recognize him in his secret identity. Arthur insists that he’s Champion, but Janet doesn’t believe it. Tick finally remembers who he is, and figures that he’s up to something. Tick grabs him, knocking off his glasses, and finally recognizes Champion. Darlene and the others realize that Filbert is Champion and attack him, furious that he’s been lying to him for years. They rip off his shirt, revealing his costume, and he triples the settlement so that Janet will leave him alone. Satisfied, the heroes go to get lunch
Later on the rooftop, Arthur announces that the League closes due to Chapter 11 when it goes bankrupt. However, since it went bankrupt it doesn’t have to pay Janet the settlement. They’ve changed their name and moved into a new HQ, while Tick tries to work out how Filbert and Champion know each other. Even when his friends explain it to him, he doesn’t get it.
Written by Gadfly on Aug 13, 2016