It's a Mad, Mad, Mad War Recap

At Noumea, New Caledonia, the crew assemble on the dock and gripe to McHale. They point out that they can't budge off the boat, and McHale reminds them that Binghamton has ordered that while McHale is at the conference, they'll be confined to the boat. He then tells them to ignore Binghamton and take four hours' liberty. When Parker objects, McHale assures him that what Binghamton doesn't know won't hurt him. The crew assures McHale that they'll be back at 1300 hours, sober.

In his office, Binghamton tries on a rear admiral's epaulets and admires himself. Carpenter runs in and says that they're received a signal from Comfleet. The weekly transport plane has been grounded so they want Binghamton to send a boat to pick up the base payroll of $62,000. Binghamton insists that he can't spare a boat from patrol, and Carpenter suggests that PT-73 get it since it's at Noumea anyway. The captain insists that he can't trust McHale and his crew with Navy funds, but then agrees with Carpenter. He figures that once they steal the money, Binghamton can get rid of them for good.

Binghamton soon contacts PT-73 and gets Parker. Parker confirms that McHale has left for the conference and pretends the crew are still there. Binghamton tells him to go to the payroll office, get the payroll, and bring it back. The captain spells out that the payroll is in small bills that can't be traced, and tells Parker to take the route past the casino and the race track. Once Parker signs off, he gets ready to head out on his own.

Parker goes to the pay master's office and gets the money, taking it conspicuously back to the boat. The base soldiers set off the hourly cannon and Parker assumes that it's an attack, and runs off to the shelter. He trips over a bench and knocks himself out. When Parker wakes up, he discovers that the money is gone and a woman, Yvette, asks if he's all right. The crowd that has gathered says that they didn't see the money, and Parker figures that they're all in it together. He tries to draw his gun from its holster without success, and Yvette says that they just want to help them. Parker runs off and Yvette checks with her accomplice Bertrand, who is holding the money bag under his coat.

When Parker returns to Caledonia, he tells McHale and the crew what happened. Parker wants to tell Binghamton the truth, but they figure Binghamton will blame them. McHale figures that they need to get the money back, and Parker tells him about Yvette. He doesn’t remember much of what she looked alike, but finally remembers that she had a heart birthmark on her ankle. Binghamton calls them on the radio and McHale says that they have to stall him. The captain figures that they're at sea and asks for their ETA, and the crew all pretend that they have engine trouble and haven't left Noumea yet. Binghamton is happy that they've fallen into his trap, and tells McHale to take all the time he needs. Once he sounds off, Binghamton tells Carpenter to get a plane to fly them to Noumea so they can arrest McHale.

The crew hit the town to find Yvette and check women's ankles. None of them find anything in three hours, and McHale, Parker, and Gruber check out a café. The tablecloths block their view so Gruber performs his tablecloth-pulling routine and checks their ankles. Parker tries another table with much less success.

When Binghamton and Carpenter arrive at Noumea, they check the boat and find no one aboard. They drive off to find the crew.

In town, the crew keep searching and McHale and Parker see Binghamton driving by. They run into a tavern where upstairs, Yvette and Bertrand, are sharing a toast to their success.

Binghamton and his men approach the tavern, and McHale and Parker try to find a back way out. A fight starts up and when Yvette runs down, Parker spots her ankle and realizes who she is. She runs back upstairs and McHale and Parker go after her. Binghamton spots them and goes after them. McHale and Parker get out the back and sees Yvette and Bertrand running with the payroll money. The go after the thieves, who split up. The PT-73 officers split up as well, and Binghamton follows Parker

Bertrand hides in a coat rack, and Parker hides in the same coat rack when Binghamton runs past. Once he goes by, Bertrand runs and McHale arrives and spots the thief. Binghamton spots McHale and runs after him, and ends up falling into a deliveryman's cake. Meanwhile, Parker bumps into Bertrand, notices that he's dropped the money bag =, and gives it back to him before he realizes who it is.

In the park, Bertrand hides the money bag in the cannon. Parker runs past, and Chuck and the crew find him. They go after Bertrand but bump into Binghamton and the MPs. McHale tries to explain, just as a Japanese Zero attacks. Everyone takes cover, and Parker runs to the cannon to fire back. McHale pulls him to cover after he lights the fuse, and the Zero flies off. The cannon fires and the money bag bursts. The money rains floats down and McHale tells Binghamton that it's his money as everyone runs to collect it.

Later on the boat, Binghamton counts the money. Parker comes in and the wind blows the stacked money around, and Binghamton goes back to counting.

Written by Gadfly on Dec 12, 2016