PT-73 is coming in after a failed patrol when their torpedo control fails to work. As they approach the dock, McHale spots Binghamton waiting. Parker tries to the torpedo control and everyone on the dock takes cover as the torpedo hits and explodes.
Later, Binghamton calls McHale and Parker into his office and tells Parker that he's being sent to a small island as his next duty station. McHale points out that the Japanese fleet uses it for target practice, and Binghamton is well aware of the information. He plans to use it as a one-man lookout post. Carpenter runs in and says that a transport plane was forced down with engine trouble, and three of the passengers were Canteen Girls on their way to Sydney, Australia. One of them says that she's Binghamton's niece, Cynthia Prentice.
As McHale gets Parker out, they bump into Cynthia coming in. Binghamton comes out to greet his niece and Parker helps her with her books. She says that he's very nice, and Binghamton dismisses him. When Carpenter offers to entertain Cynthia, she says that she has a lot of studying to do. She has a MA in Anthropology, and took her Canteen duty tour in the South Pacific. Once she goes to her quarters, Binghamton tells Carpenter that Cynthia's mother is rich. He hopes that she'll thank Binghamton with a loan after the war, and tells Carpenter to take Cynthia on a date every night.
At the crew hut, Parker is packing and McHale figures that Cynthia might be able to get Parker's orders changes once he turns on the charm. Parker is reluctant to get involved, but McHale persuades him that he can seduce Cynthia.
That night, Carpenter takes Cynthia out for a walk. As he starts to charm her, the crew fakes a loudspeaker announcement summoning him to base operations. Once he leaves, the crew sends Parker over. He asks how she's doing and they sit down on the bench, and Parker tries to offer her a cigarette. He finally drops them and suggests that they enjoy the night together, and gets his thumb caught in a knothole. Cynthia is intrigued by his bumbling and admires his skull structure. She grabs his hand and drags him back to her quarters, much to the crew's surprise.
Back at Cynthia's quarters, Cynthia measures Parker's cranial conspiracy and admires his sloping forehead. She says that he bears a striking resemblance to the Peking Man and pulls down the shade. The crew sends McHale in and he comes in as Cynthia tries to measure Parker's trapezius. He says that Parker should get his gear packed, and Cynthia insists that Parker can't go because she's on the verge of making a very important anthropological discovery. McHale warns that nobody could get Binghamton to change his mind, and Cynthia assures Parker that her uncle will listen to her.
Cynthia goes to Binghamton's quarters and insists that he can't send Parker out. She suggests that he may be an example of the Missing Link. When Binghamton refuses to keep Parker on base, Cynthia threatens to tell her mother Martha, warning that she'll never forgive Binghamton. Binghamton caves and Cynthia runs off, and the captain thinks that his niece plans to marry Parker.
Binghamton goes to bed and has a nightmare of Parker marrying into his family. He returns home from the war and discovers that Parker is already there, drinking his liquor and smoking his cigarettes. Parker explains that he and Cynthia live there now. McHale is there, dressed as a biker, and explains that the whole crew is moving in with Parker. They come in, tearing the place apart. Binghamton wakes up on the floor, moaning in terror, and vows that Parker will never be his nephew.
The crew is toasting Parker success when Binghamton calls and says that he's not going to let Parker marry into his family. McHale has no idea what he's talking about, and Binghamton says that Parker is shipping out and will never return. Once he hangs up, Parker insists that he never touched Cynthia. McHale figures that they need to convince Cynthia to call off the wedding and Binghamton will be so grateful he takes him off the hook. To do it, they'll give Cynthia a real caveman.
The next day, Cynthia arrives at PT-73 and the crew takes her to Parker's quarters. They warn her that it's dangerous, and Parker swings across the room on the lamp, making monkey noises and wearing a loincloth. He throws away her notes and charges at her, and she runs in terror. McHale and the others arrive and hold Parker back, and McHale tells Cynthia that during the day Parker goes berserk. They try to chain him to the wall, and Cynthia runs out screaming.
Parker chases after her as Binghamton arrives and demands to know where Cynthia is. He hers Cynthia screaming and McHale dismisses it as parrots. Cynthia runs out of the jungle and tells Binghamton that it's the horrible man. Parker steps out and beats on his chest, and then swings down on a vine and leaps on Binghamton. When Binghamton says that he's there to stop the wedding, Cynthia says that she wouldn’t marry Parker if her life depended on it and she just wanted to study him. She says that she's going to tell her mother what happened and walks off, and Binghamton chases after Parker to choke him. Binghamton finds a real gorilla and assumes that it's a disguised Parker, just as Parker comes up. The captain runs off, and McHale and the others arrive to reveal that the "gorilla" is Fuji in a costume.
Written by Gadfly on Dec 19, 2016