Today I Am a Man! Recap

The crew are watching the new batch of nurses coming in when McHale comes over. Parker appreciates the new blonde as the nurses' gig pulls up to the 73. The crew jump down to carry their luggage, and McHale tells Parker to make his move on the blonde... and Parker falls into the gig.

The blonde, Lt. Georgianna Comstock, is waiting with her luggage when Parker comes over and introduces himself. He manages to pick up her heavy luggage and she suggests that they use Binghamton's jeep. Parker quickly agrees and invites Georgianna to hop in, and struggles to get the luggage into the back. When Parker jams the horn, Binghamton comes over and demands an explanation. As Parker gets under the hood to turn off the horn, Binghamton introduces himself and Georgianna says that it's all her fault. She pulls the right wire and says that Parker could have fixed it himself, and Parker agrees... and slams the hood on Binghamton's hand.

Later at the island, Binghamton sends orders for Parker to be the officer in charge of basic training for the new nurses. McHale figures that it will hurt Parker's morale, and tells the crew that they have to make Parker believe the assignment is big. He then calls Parker over and they all start talking up the job, claiming Nimitz ordered him to take it on. Fuji comes up, startling Parker, and he trips into a chair.

The next day, Parker reviews judo with the nurses. Binghamton comes over and tells Parker to get on with it. Parker picks Georgianna as a volunteer and she readily takes him down. Binghamton assures her that Parker can take care of himself and when he offers his hand, Parker accidentally throws him.

Later back on the island, McHale tells Parker that Georgianna came over to see him. He doesn't want to see her, depressed that she's a better man than he is. McHale assures him it was a lucky throw, and Parker cheers up and goes out to see her. Once McHale leads the crew off, Parker shows Georgianna around and they come to the anti-aircraft emplacement. A Japanese Zero comes in and opens fire, and Parker tries to fire the machinegun. It's jammed and he runs to the boat, and Georgianna fires the machinegun and shoots down the Zero. She apologizes as the crew come over and assume Parker did it. He tells them that Georgianna did it.

Later, the crew tells McHale that Parker put in for a transfer. They figure that he's doomed without them to look after, and McHale gets an idea.

Binghamton calls Carpenter in and wonders why Parker is transferring. He figures that there's something fishy going on and sees McHale going into the hospital. Binghamton tells Carpenter to find out what's going on.

McHale tells Georgianna to act helpless for Parker's benefit. The crew will pose as headhunters and Georgianna will let Parker rescue her. McHale tells her to make sure that she doesn't take over. Carpenter is outside in bandages and a wheelchair, and hears them as McHale says that he's sneaking Georgianna to the 73 and then to the island Palilolo. After they leave, a nurse sees Carpenter and figures that he's a real patient.

Parker is packing when McHale comes in and says that they have a mission. As they go to the 73, Parker finds Georgianna aboard. McHale says that there's an epidemic on Palilolo and they put in a call for a nurse.

Carpenter goes to Binghamton's office and tells him that Georgianna is sneaking off with McHale and the crew. Binghamton figures that it was a smoke screen for an orgy, and now he can get the goods on McHale and put him away once and for all.

The 73 goes to Palilolo and McHale signals Willy to announce that there's a report of an enemy sub in the area and they have orders to put Georgianna on shore. McHale claims that they have orders to not take a woman into combat and sends Georgianna to the nearby island with Parker as her guard. When they land, Georgianna says that she's frightened and begs Parker to stay close to her. Meanwhile, two Japanese sentries spot them. Meanwhile, Georgianna feigns a sprained ankle and begs Parker to fix it. She says that she can't think of what to do, laying on the flattery. With some prodding from Georgianna, Parker ties up her ankle with a handkerchief.

The 73 returns to Palilolo and they drift in. The crew prepares to go ashore, just as Binghamton and Carpenter pull in on the 116. Carpenter has found Gruber and Tinker, dressed up as headhunters, and McHale claims that they're rehearsing for the Follies. They start singing, and Binghamton orders them to shut up and demands to know where Georgianna is.

Parker gathers coconuts but is unable to get them open. She throws one into the brush and claims she saw headhunters moving. Parker finally works out that she's pretending to make him look like a big man, and figures that the crew are in on it. The Japanese sentries arrive and Parker figures that it's the crew in disguise. Georgianna insists that they're real, and Parker finally does too and draws his gun. The sentries move in on him and Parker discovers that his gun is unarmed. He faints but the sentries try to stab him and get their bayonets stuck in the tree. Georgianna knocks them out with coconuts and wakes Parker up, and claims that he knocked them out. She then fakes a faint and Parker catches her.

When the 73 docks, everyone is surprised to see Parker leading the two sentries out and carrying an "unconscious" Georgianna. Binghamton demands the entire truth, and McHale says that they used Georgianna as a decoy to flush out the sentries. Binghamton and Carpenter take the sentries away, and Georgianna gives the high sign to McHale that their plan worked.

Written by Gadfly on Dec 31, 2016