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Gonna Hurt Recap

Tulip drives into New Orleans and pulls up to an office building. She draws her gun and takes the elevator up, pistol-whipping a man down unconscious when he asks if he can help her. Starr's office is deserted, and the man says that he just sweeps the floor. There's a box of Grail business cards on the floor like the one that Tulip has, and she throws the box to the floor in disgust.

As she drives back to Angelville, Tulip hears jazz music on the radio and discovers that she can't change the channel. God-Dog pulls her over, riding a motorcycle, and removes his mask in a blaze of light. He steps over and tells Tulip to look on him. He looks just like Fake God, and says that Tulip screwed up by design. God says that he was counting on Tulip to screw up because of the Curse of the O'Hares. He tells Tulip not to despair, and to just know that he is a loving God. He walks away, and Tulip gets out and asks what he's doing down on Earth and what his big design is. God says that he's preparing a pass/fail test for the future of creation, and that's all that Tulip can know. Tulip calls bullshit on him, figuring that he's just screwing around. God tells her not to question Him, and Tulip dismisses him as a dickwad. There is a blaze of light and God says that he is the alpha and omega, tells her not to push it, and blasts her back. God drives off on his Harley, and Tulip promises to find him and kiss his ass.

At Angelville, T.C. tends to Cassidy's gunshot wound and gives him gas for the pain. T.C. removes the bullet and the drugged Cassidy talks about the "lovely" Tulip. He describes all the people who have injured him, and T.C. is surprised that Cassidy has no scars from all of his injuries. He wonders why Cassidy isn't dead, and Cassidy claims that he's very limber from Pilates. The vampire asks for some of the swamp consommé, and T.C. goes to get it. Once he's alone, Cassidy drinks from his private stash of blood bags and his wound heals.

During sex, Tulip tells Jesse that she saw God earlier. She describes how she's going to kick God's ass, and Jesse says that it doesn't matter because he's stuck in Angelville. Tulip reminds him that he has free will and they'll unstick him, and offers to take Marie down. Jesse tells her not to go near Marie because she's dangerous., but Tulip isn't impressed and kisses Jesse. Jody opens the bedroom door, carrying a tray of food, and Jesse closes the door in his face. He tells Tulip that Jesse is taking him to church and he's going to get something for Marie.

In the kitchen, Jody apologizes to Jesse for interrupting. Jesse tells him that he's an asshole as usual, and T.C. comes in and says that Cassidy is a hoot. He talks about how Cassidy is a fast healer, and Jody wonders what he means. Tulip comes in and Jody goes to get the truck. Jesse tells Tulip to sit tight. Once Jesse leaves, Tulip asks where Marie is. T.C. says that Marie is sleeping, and Jesse comes back and tells her to sit tight. Once he leaves, T.C. asks if Tulip wants to see his dingle.

Jesse drops in on Cassidy and warns that the others can't find out that Cassidy is a vampire. He admits that Cassidy was right about Tulip and Jesse playing God, and says that Cassidy is his best friend. Cassidy points out that Jesse has never said it, and Jesse tells him that he's saying it now and he means it. The vampire thanks him, and Jesse apologizes for it taking so long. He asks if they're good, and Cassidy says that they are. Jesse then tells Cassidy to get out right now, and Cassidy figures that he's trying to get him away from Tulip. Jesse warns that it's Angelville and they're monsters. He says that he'll deal with Jody, the man who killed his father, but Cassidy insists that he's not leaving without Tulip. After a moment, Jesse stabs him in the shoulder with a poker, says that if Cassidy stays that it's going to hurt, and pockets his blood bags. Jody and T.C. come in, and Jesse tells them that Cassidy isn't healing as fast as they thought.

Once Jesse and Jody leave, Tulip sneaks through the manor looking for Marie. She finds an old photo of Baby Jesse, an urn with peppers in it, and an old phone. A man asks her over the phone what she wants, and Tulip quickly hangs up. There's a locked dresser, and Tulip picks the lock. Inside are unmarked folders filled with blood-covered napkins. Blood is dripping from beneath a sheet into an urn, and Tulip finds a body beneath the sheet. Once she goes, the "body" pulls its hand back.

Out in the hallway, Tulip runs into T.C., who says that he's been tending to Cassidy. She tells him that she changed his mind about seeing his dingle.

At the church, Jesse walks in as the Glue Guy talks about how he helped his son build a D-Day diorama. After he puts his son to bed, he sniffed some glue and woke up to find his son looking at him in disgust, asking where the glue is. Afterward, Jesse tells Glue Guy that telling his story took courage and it brought back his own demons about sniffing anything he could sniff. Jesse says that Marie might be able to cure Glue Guy of his addiction, and Angelville is open again. Glue Guy asks if the Tombs are open, and Jesse says that they're not but Marie can provide a sober spell. The man says that he'll go see Madame Boyd if he needs a spell and walks out.

When Jesse goes back to the truck, he tells Jody that he's out of practice. Jody says that they have more stops to make, and Jesse wonders if it bothers him doing the same thing for Marie after all she did to him and to Jesse's mother. Jody says that Christina shouldn't have run, and Jesse asks him to help him escape for Christina. The other man punches him in the face, and Jesse tells him that he'll get revenge one day.

At T.C.'s cabin, Tulip looks at a naked T.C. and assures him that he has a perfectly fine little dingle. She declines to touch him, and T.C. pulls up his pants. Tulip asks T.C. what the deal is with the napkins. He explains that they're blood-debt compacts, signifying a solemn exchange of promises between parties. Tulip suggests that someone can break the compact by destroying the napkin, and assures him that she's just asking questions. T.C. doesn't believe her, and says that he could tell her a good story. He describes how a woman brought his wife to Angelville and begged Marie to tear up his wife's contract. He offered anything for the napkin, and she eventually gave it to him. He tore it up and his wife screamed, ripped in half. T.C. tells Tulip that the debt is only paid when Marie says that it's paid, and warns her that she shouldn't mess with Marie. Tulip agrees and says that she likes him, and says that maybe will touch his dingle. When he drops his pants, Tulip puts a lizard on his dingle and demands to know how she can break the debt. T.C. says that without magic there's nothing she can do. Tulip tells him that every curse can be broken and walks off.

Cassidy approaches Marie and asks if she's a witch or something. Marie says that she's a healer and Cassidy wonders why she hasn't healed herself. She tells him that she's working on it, and figures that Cassidy is there for something other than conversation. Cassidy says that he's not a bad guy, and finally asks her for a love spell.

Tulip sits in her car and puts her phone beneath the seat. She considers taking her gun with her, but finally leaves it in the glove compartment and walks to the Boyds' motel.

Cassidy walks out of Marie' study holding a small vial. Jesse and Jody return and Cassidy quickly pockets it and leaves. Marie calls Jesse in, and he goes in and tells her that Madame Boyd has the parish sewn up. Marie spits in disgust and says that it will take time to undo everything Jesse did by running off. Jesse says that he has plans of her own, but Marie tells him that she doesn't care about her plans but there's always the Tombs. When Jesse refuses, Marie slaps him and says that if he doesn't do what she says, he'll go in the coffin. She tells Jesse that Cassidy came by to talk.

That night, T.C. is in his cabin stuffing the lizard. Meanwhile, Cassidy grabs a chicken roaming the grounds and feeds on its blood. T.C. hears the chicken squawk, grabs his shotgun, and goes out to investigate. He finds Cassidy, and Cassidy tells him not to tell anyone. T.C. calls for Jody and hits Cassidy when he tries to attack him.

When Jesse discovers that Tulip is gone, he tries to call her but gets no answer. He hears whooping and goes out to discover that Jody and T.C. have strung Cassidy up. Jody asks Jesse if he knew that Cassidy was a vampire, and T.C. shows Jesse the blood-drained chicken. Jesse says that he didn't know, and Jody asks if he has no objections if they hang Cassidy up until sunrise. When Jody and T.C. suggest that they kill the time with some target practice, Jesse tells them that he has a better idea.

Tulip waits in Boyd's waiting room, and a woman brings out Mr. Thibodeaux and says that his debt is paid and he'll hardly miss it. Tulip gives a fake name and claims that her boyfriend got stuck there by a stupid magic spell. She describes the blood compact and asks for a work-around. The receptionist says that Made Boyd can do it and takes her past a room filled with soul-extracting equipment. The guard quickly closes and locks the door, and the receptionist takes Tulip into a room and has her take a seat. She then asks about the blood compact, while a female figure sits in the shadows. The "receptionist" asks how Jesse got into the situation, well aware who Tulip is talking about. When the guard forces Tulip to sit down, she attacks him and finally knocks him out, and then leaps out the window. More Boyd men toss her back, knocking her into the figure, and it falls over to reveal that it's a long-dead corpse. Tulip realizes that the receptionist is Madame Boyd, and Boyd says that she knows who Tulip is and has been wanting to meet her. Unimpressed, Tulip draws her gun on her.

Jesse takes Jody and T.C. to the tombs. An audience is there, and T.C. gives Jesse a top hat. He then welcomes the people and says that they'll witness two monsters fight. Jody brings in Hal and then Cassidy, and then drops a mace in front of Cassidy and gives a chainsaw to Hal. The audience chants at them to fight, and Jody asks Jesse what he's waiting for. After a moment, he says to fight and Hal attacks Cassidy.

Written by Gadfly on Jul 9, 2018

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