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Messiahs Recap

Tulip and Cassidy dig a grave for Jesse. The Saint watches them from a distance, and then walks away. Once they're done, Cassidy and Tulip fly off in their stolen plane.

Jesse is on the shores of a lake, teaching a 10-year-old girl how to fish. The angel Fiore arrives and greets Jesse, and tells Jesse that he's dead. Jesse wonders if he's in Heaven, and Fiore says that he is and tells Jesse to come along with him. The two of them walk off into the woods and Fiore talks about the endless war between Heaven and Hell, and how nobody won until God left. The angel admits that Jesus doesn't have the killer instinct that Hitler does, and they're glad Jesse is there. Fiore opens a door and they go through into a chamber. Angelic soldiers are waiting, and the universe looms overhead. Jesse wonders why he's there, and Fiore explains that they want Jesse to take God's place.

Cassidy and Tulip land, get in the car, and drive off. They stop near a farm come nightfall, and Tulip takes out the letter from Jesse and reads it, crying. Cassidy starts to speak, and Tulip gets out without a word and goes into a nearby empty church. Cassidy sees the farm advertising fresh eggs and looks at his burned hand. He goes to the farm, claims that they ran out of gas, and eventually tells the widowed owner that he wants to eat his chickens.

Tulip tears up the church interior then calls to God. He doesn't respond, and Tulip looks at the painting of God holding the dying Jesus. Tulip goes to the car, meets Cassidy, and tells him that God wasn't home but she knows how to get him.

At Masada, Hoover Two gets coffee for Jesus and Hitler from the coffee shop. The disguised Lara asks if Allfather is having coffee, and Hoover Two refuses to discuss the Allfather's business.

Starr crawls after the dingo that bit off his genitals, begging it to stop. He finally collapses in pain, and a figure finds him on the ground.

On an American talk show, the journalist Craig says that he is going to talk about the darkening political situation between Australia and New Zealand. The world superpowers are taking sides after the nuclear detonation in the Outback, threaten a nuclear exchange that will destroy the world's population. His co-hosts remind him that children are watching, and Craig says that the children should tell their parents to get on their knees and beg for God's mercy because a miracle is all that will save them.

In Heaven, Jesse and Fiore contemplate God's throne. Jesse touches the throne and has a vision of ruling Heaven, his eyes glowing as he uses the Voice. After a moment he withdraws his hand and tells Fiore "No". Fiore says that it's a natural response to a lifestyle change, and Jesse says that it's the worse sin there is and they're all traitors. The angels draw their swords, and Fiore tells them that they have to stick together. After a moment, the angels sheathe their swords.

Tulip and Cassidy take a freighter to America and arrive in Williamsburg. They meet with Dany and Tulip says that she knows what they want. Dany agrees but first says that they have to give her what she wants. Tulip and Cassidy go to a deli and Cassidy figures the people he used to know there would be dead. He then tells Tulip that he can do what Dany wants from Tulip even though he doesn't like it either. He figures that playing by the book hasn't gotten them anywhere, and the gloves are all the way off. Tulip draws her gun, shoots a nearby customer, and walks out. After a moment, Cassidy pays their bill and goes after her.

Jesus hugs Humperdoo as Hitler looks on, Hitler asks Jesus thinks of his descendant, and then plays some soft-shoe. Humperdoo dances badly and Jesus notes that he thought the Messiah was supposed to be a good dancer. Hitler shoots Humperdoo dead and says that it's just a clone and there are hundreds of them running around. They've lost the real Messiah and Hitler figures that he's dead. However, he figures that it doesn't matter because they have a Messiah ready to go: Jesus.

Tulip and Cassidy go back to Dany, who confirms that Tulip killed her husband. Dany is surprised that Tulip did it after all the times Tulip said no when Dany asked before. She explains that Jesse gave him to her for safekeeping and warns that Tulip doesn't understand what she's asking. Dany insists that she can't take Tulip to him, and Tulip jumps across Dany's desk and punches her repeatedly and then repeats her question.

Fiore dismisses the angels and tells Jesse that they were trying to think outside the box. He offers Jesse a cigarette and suggests that if Jesse refuses the throne, he's going against God's will. Jesse wonders why he's in Heaven when he's stolen and killed, and Fiore points out that Jesse has done good things as well. The preacher says that his friends let him down but not in a big way, and he had to get away from them because he was afraid he was going to kill them. He wonders why God sent him there when he hasn’t forgiven his friends. Jesse figures that it isn't Heaven. The projector shuts down and Jesse realizes that he's in a cell in Hell. He pounds on the door and uses the Voice to demand they release him, but there's no one to hear him.

Dany takes Tulip and Cassidy to a synagogue and says that he's inside. Dany wonders where Jesse is, and Cassidy tells her that he's dead.

Hoover Two stands outside the conference room and listens to Jesus and Hitler arguing. They come out and Jesus walks away. Hoover Two gives Hitler his coffee, and Hitler goes back into the conference room.

Dany takes Cassidy and Tulip into the synagogue and leads them to a door, and asks them if they're ready. Tulip tells her to open the door, and Dany does so. Humperdoo is inside with an old rabbi, and Dany explains that Jesse sent Humperdoo to her for safekeeping. She explains that Humperdoo's love changed her and everyone else. Dany plays soft-shoe on a keyboard and Humperdoo dances to the music. Once she's done, Dany insists that Humperdoo is special and she can't let them take him. Tulip throws her against the wall and leaves with Cassidy and Humperdoo. As they go through the synagogue, Dany arrives and yells at them to stop. The worshippers gather around them, pulling Humperdoo away, and he stands up on a pew.

As the worshippers bow down, Tulip stares around in surprise. Humperdoo goes to Tulip, takes her hand, and leads her and Cassidy out. Dany wonders where they're taking him, and Cassidy talks about his Catholic neighbors who lived near him in Ireland. He talks about the wife still loved God despite losing her husband and son, and says that she was a sucker like the all of them. Cassidy then says that they're going to kill Humperdoo in front of God and make Him watch.

In Pensacola, Chief Whitman is eating lunch when the desk sergeant tells him that there's a long-distance call for him. It's Hoover Two, who tells him that he has all the evidence he needs from his undercover assignment to stop the Grail. He explains that Hitler and Jesus are involved and their leader is trying to set off a nuclear war using Humperdoo. Lara kills Hoover Two and hangs up the phone, and then removes her disguise.

Tulip and Cassidy drive off with Humperdoo, who hangs his head out the window.

Jesse is lying on the floor of his cell, and the Hell projector starts up again. "Heaven" reappears and Fiore greets him. "Fiore" explains that he's just a projection but the offer is real. If Jesse takes the throne then it will set him free. Jesse still doesn't want to replace God despite having issues with him. God appears on the throne and Fiore says that it's Heaven in 2015 and Jesse should watch and listen.

God listens to tape-recorded prayers and grows bored. The 2015 Fiore comes in, kneels, and tells God that Genesis has escaped and they don't know where it is. God curses and then thanks Fiore for telling Him, and orders him to leave so he can come up with a solution. He then flies off to Earth, driving down the highway on a motorcycle. God picks up women and buys a dog suit that catches his eye.

Jesse figures that God has some greater plan, and Fiore tells him that he has a big plan. He explains that God has been tinkering and experimenting, and now he plans to replace humans with Phase 3 of Creation. The angel gestures to the throne, repeating his offer to Jesse.

Written by Gadfly on Sep 7, 2019

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