In their Outback home, the Chunt brothers work on something and figure that it's ready. They confirm that the spigot that they've used to replace Starr's genitals works, and Starr deals with the pain by hallucinating his childhood in 1979.
1979
Starr wins the Mr. Dusseldorf award and the younger contestants glare at him. Afterward, in the bathroom, Starr looks at himself in the mirror and promises to himself that he'll always be happy. The other children barge in and their leader, Dieter, tells the others to get Starr. They grab him and beat him up, and then Dieter takes a knife to Starr's eye.
Now
Starr wakes up and bemoans the loss of his right eye. The Chunts assure him that he had a bad dream after their "procedure", and tell him that they couldn't save his genitals. Starr asks for their names and their leader, Karl, introduces his brothers Ernie and Cyrus. He breaks into tears and says that it's been a long time since someone has shown him kindness, and Starr realizes that his right leg is missing beneath the knee, and that the Chunts cut it off and are eating it. They point out that they served him for, and Starr tells them to stop. He explains that his location has been broadcast by subdural transmitter, and the world's most lethal operatives are heading there to rescue him and kill the Chunts.
The Chunts have no idea what he means, figure that his blood pressure is up, and advance on him with a buzzsaw to reduce it. Lara arrives with a squad of Grail operatives and kills the Chunts, and Starr breaks into tears again. She carries Starr to the waiting helicopter.
Jesse and Fiore look at the throne of God, and then Jesse walks away. The angel asks if he's going to stick with God after all that He has done, and Jesse says that he is and figures that he'll go back to Hell and watch his father get killed over and over and he's used to it. Fiore tells him that part is over. Back in his cell, Jesse has killer ants inserted up his rectum.
Tulip and Cassidy drive through a storm, Humperdoo in the back seat. They stop, dump Humperdoo on the ground, and Tulip prepares to shoot him. Tulip wants to see God see them kill Humperdoo, and yells at God to face them. God doesn't appear, but Tulip figures that God will eventually make His move and they'll stay there until he does.
Three Months Later
Cassidy and Tulip set up at an abandoned farmhouse. When Cassidy and Humperdoo arrive with firewood, Tulip confirms that Humperdoo is still wearing the explosives she rigged him with. She tells Humperdoo that he's "going to the moon", and Humperdoo runs out, excited, and gets into his refrigerator. God doesn't appear, and Cassidy admits that Humperdoo cracks him up. Tulip admits that Humperdoo is adorable, but figures that since Humperdoo is the only thing that God cares about, they'll have to kill him. She tells Cassidy to remember why they're there and gives him the detonator.
In Hell, Jesse burns in his cell.
At Masada, Jesus and Hitler meet and Jesus worries that he's overstepping. Hitler tells him that there comes a time in life when they have to do the right thing. Jesus worries that they're doing the wrong thing, and Hitler says that they're on the same page. Starr hobbles in on his new artificial leg and sits down, and Hitler offers his condolences on Humperdoo's death. The Allfather says that they know he was just a clone of the real Humperdoo, who they can't find. He figures that it's over because they don't have a Messiah, and Hitler points out that they have Jesus, the original Messiah. Starr points out that they wouldn't be in the mess if Jesus hadn't slept with a married woman, and Jesus insists that it was one time, two thousand years ago.
Hitler has Jesus demonstrate his dancing skills. Starr tells them that it isn't up to him and God chose Humperdoo rather than Jesus.
Tulip and Cassidy go out in the forest to look for Humperdoo, who escaped when Cassidy had to urinate. They find Humperdoo petting two deer, and Cassidy calls him over and then leads him over to check for ticks. After a moment, Tulip follows them back to the house.
A naked Starr, wearing his Mr. Dusseldorf sash, drinks and looks at himself in the mirror. He then gets up on the conference table and hangs himself with his sash. The wires from his nipples catch on the sash, and it breaks. When Starr falls, the weight pulls his nipples off. God appears and says that he thought Starr wanted to be beautiful again. Starr says that he can't find Humperdoo, and God says that Starr never asked Him. God tells him to bring Humperdoo home and he'll get his looks back.
Jesse sits in a barrel filled with rats and hears gunshots outside. The barrel falls over and breaks open, spilling Jesse out on the floor. The Saint is standing in the cell's doorway.
Once the Saint escapes Hell with Jesse, they make camp for the night. He offers a flask of whiskey to Jesse, and after a moment Jesse takes it and thanks his rescuer. The Saint asks him what Jesse thinks now about God, and talks about the story of a general who got caught reading his map sideways. A colonel asked the general what they do, and the general said that they're going to march up the hill. The colonel realized that the general was reading the map sideways but followed the general's orders and sent his men into a slaughter. The Saint explains that he was the general, and Jesse hears a horse whinnying nearby. Men scream and Jesse wonders where the Saint got his horse. More people scream, and the Saint says that's what coming because of Jesse and his refusal to sit on the throne.
Jesse finds himself back in the throne room. Fiore tells him that there's only one way out, and Jesse figures that God is testing his faith. He insists that there must be more, and Fiore tells him that there's more torture in Jesse's future. Jesse tells Fiore to do what he has to do, and Fiore tells the Hell soldiers to put Jesse on the throne. They drag him to the throne and force him to sit down.
God tells Jesse to dig, and Jesse digs himself out of his Outback grave.
Starr, Lara, and Grail operatives drop down, and Lara tells the others that they're sitting down to eat.
In the farmhouse, Tulip serves Cassidy and Humperdoo dinner. Cassidy assures Tulip that the meal she cooked is good, and Tulip smiles at Humperdoo as he eats her hamburger. He projectile-vomits, and then Cassidy does the same. Tulip sees a sonic nauseator set up outside, aimed at the house, and tells Humperdoo that it's time to go to the moon. Humperdoo runs to the door, and Lara and the operatives break in. Tulip collapses, vomiting, and Lara pistol-whips her. Cassidy slips on Tulip's vomit and the operatives beat him. Starr asks where Humperdoo is, and an operative reports by radio that they've acquired the target.
Tulip tells Cassidy to activate the detonator, and asks for it when Cassidy refuses. Cassidy says that he's not going to kill Humperdoo, and when he refuses puts an axe in his chest. She goes to the window and sees the operatives fastening straps from their helicopter to Humperdoo's refrigerator. Humperdoo stares plaintively at her, then says, "To the moon". Tulip throws the trigger on the detonator but nothing happens. She goes to Cassidy and apologizes about the axe. Cassidy says that it's all right and asks what they do now. Tulip figures that they have to rescue Humperdoo, and Cassidy wonders if it's to save him or kill him. She doesn't respond, and a few minutes later they drive off.
Jesse walks down an Outback road, and sees God's RV driving toward him. He waves it down, unaware of who it belongs to, and God pulls over and gets out. God says that it's really Him, and He brought Jesse back. Jesse explains that they did everything they could to make him give in, but he refused the throne. God hugs him and Jesse figures that his life was a test and he passed, and God doesn't have to destroy the world. When God tells Jesse that he came so close, Jesse wonders what he means and insists that he didn't forsake him. God says that he wanted to and sinned in his heart, and announces that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. He explains that he gave Mankind free will and their choices--and consequences--are their own.
Angry, Jesse tells God that He made them the way they are. God says that a little thanks would be nice, and Jesse recites all of the ills that plague the world. The Almighty grabs Jesse by the throat, and asks if Jesse's father raised him to look God in the eye. God bites out Jesse's eye, shoves him to the ground, spits out the eye, and says that Humanity's Creation has been a nice run. He tells Jesse that he still has a little part to play before it's all done, says that he'll see him at the Apocalypse, and reminds him to bring his friends.
After he brings Humperdoo back, God restores Starr's beauty. At Masada, Starr takes Humperdoo to the stage as his operatives cheer, and says that their Messiah has returned. He tells them the Apocalypse now has an air date, and Jesus and Hitler half-heartedly applaud and look nervously at each other.
At what's left of the Holy Bar and Grill, Tulip prepares guns and smokes a cigarette. Cassidy comes in and sits on the bed with her, figuring that they all have to die sometime. The vampire tells her a joke, and Tulip kisses him. After a moment Cassidy kisses her back and they fall onto the bed.
In prison, two men tell a guitar player he isn't showing proper respect and stab him. After they leave, Eugene comes over and looks at the dead guitarist. He picks up the guitar and experimentally plays it.
After sex, Tulip looks at Cassidy and asks if everything is okay. He smiles at her, and she goes to the bathroom. There's a knock at the door, and Cassidy answers it. It's a one-eyed Jesse. Tulip comes out of the bathroom and Jesse goes to her, saying that he's back. Tulip hugs him, and Cassidy watches the two of them together.
Written by Gadfly on Sep 14, 2019