The Jingle Bells Affair Recap

Napoleon and Illya are escorting Chairman Georgi Koz through New York City. They end up stuck in traffic due to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Maxim Radish, Georgi’s security chief, worries about assassins but Georgi isn't concerned. The security chief starts ranting about the inherent capitalism of Christmas but Georgi doesn’t want to hear it.

The agents finally arrive at the Regency Park Hotel only to find protestors gathered outside. Georgi defiantly greets the protestors, while Illya spots a phony sanitation worker preparing a bomb. Napoleon catches the bomb as the assassin throws it, and then tosses it toward the sanitation worker’s bin as the man runs off. Illya bats it into the bin and then leaps clear as the bomb explodes, and the bin contains it.

Later at U.N.C.L.E. HQ, the agents report to Waverly. Illya points out that the bomb should have been more powerful if it was a sincere assassination attempt, and suggests that someone is trying to create an incident. Waverly warns that they can’t afford to have Georgi change his mind now that he has taken a more conciliatory tone with the West. The agents have all of Georgi’s enemies in the U.S. under surveillance, and Waverly suggests that they may need to investigate Georgi’s supposed allies. Not all of them agree with his new enlightened attitude. As the agents leave, Waverly tells them to meet with Georgi because the chairman wants to thank them for the rescue.

When Napoleon and Illya arrive at Georgi’s suite, a disgusted Maxim watches as Georgi gives them co-existence awards. The security chief privately warns Georgi that he doesn’t trust the U.N.C.L.E. agents, but Georgi doesn’t take his warning seriously. He then asks the U.N.C.L.E. agents to take him to Macy’[s so that he can learn about corrupt American capitalism up close and personal. The agents warn him that he is at risk because of the large Christmas crowd, but Georgi insists on going and demands that Mr. Macy personally take him on a tour.

As the group arrives at Macy’s, Georgi notices a Salvation Army worker, Priscilla Worker. When he wonders why the military is there, Napoleon explains about the charitable group and donates some money. Georgi has Maxim donate some money as well. The Russian coin falls out of Priscilla’s tambourine, and when she goes to pick it up, she breaks her heel on the street curb.

Inside, Macy shows Georgi around and assures the chairman that average families can afford everything that they carry. Maxim doesn’t believe it and questions a female shopper, and Georgi apologizes for his security chief’s bad manners. Meanwhile, the assassin earlier slips in and watches Georgi as he orders a nightgown for his wife back in Russia, ignoring Maxim’s objections. Priscilla comes in and, mistaking Napoleon for a salesman, asks for directions to the shoe shop. He reminds her that they met outside and exchanges Maxim’s coin for an American one that she can use. As Priscilla leaves, Georgi notices her and tells Napoleon that in his country, a folk rhyme promises that if a man meets a woman twice, he’ll meet her again.

Macy takes the group to a conference room here a man is modeling a Santa costume. Maxim accuses Macy of exploiting the poor and seducing children, but Georgi would rather hear more about the concept of store Santas. Macy explains that they get them from Santa schools, and Georgia asks to see one. The assassin comes in, posing as a chef, and delivers a birthday cake for Georgi. He runs out as Macy admits that he didn’t order any such cake. Napoleon, realizing that it’s another bomb, pushes the trolley out onto the balcony where the cake harmlessly explodes.

Later, Maxim meets with the assassin, Ferenc Pfinic, and complains about how bungled both attempts. Ferenc points out that Maxim ordered him to scare Georgi, and Maxim concedes that he screwed up as well. He figures that Georgi is mentally ill, listening to capitalists, and has decided to kill Georgi for real. He remembers that Georgi wants to see the Santa school and gets an idea. Maxim then goes back to the hotel and says that he’s starting to believe in Georgi’s views. He suggests that he go to the school the next night, and Georgi agrees but insists that Napoleon and Illya come with them.

The next night, Napoleon and Illya take Georgi to the mission. Priscilla and the teacher, Francix X. O’Reilly, are leading some homeless men in songs. Priscilla recognizes Napoleon from the department store and offers them all some coffee.

Outside, Ferenc confirms that Georgi has entered the mission. His hired killers arrive and Ferenc tells them that they’ll go in six minutes.

Francis teaches one of the men, Fred, in how to pretend to be a Santa. Georgi insists that they have to have the proper spirit and starts arguing with Francis. Illya tries to stop him without success, and Francis tells Georgi to show that he can do better.

Ferenc begs his men not to screw up and then tells them to get ready.

Georgi puts on the Santa suit and has Priscilla sit on his lap and pretend to be a child. Francis thinks that it’s a ruse and refuse, and Georgi takes offense and they start fighting. Priscilla tries to drown out the sounds by playing the organ. The agents spot Ferenc and his men driving by and order everyone to take cover as the killers open fire. When Georgi refuses to cower, Illya tackles him and then returns fire with Napoleon. The killers charge in shooting, and the agents throw a smoke grenade so that they can send Georgi and Priscilla to the roof. Once they make it out, Napoleon goes after them while Illya provides cover fire. Ferenc gives pursuit and goes after them up to the roof. As Priscilla climbs up and over the eaves, she breaks her heel off again.

Illya runs out of bullets but so do the killers. He tackles one of them when he tries to go after Georgi, knocks the man out, and joins Napoleon on the roof as Ferenc fires at them. Ferenc runs out of bullets and runs, and the agents split up to chase him and find Georgi. Napoleon finds Priscilla’s broken heel and goes after her.

As Priscilla and Georgi climb down a fire escape, Priscilla assumes that Georgi is a gangster and complains about his criminal ways. As they enter her apartment via the window, Georgi figures that Maxim was right about Americans all along and they’re vicious killers. Priscilla finally realizes who Georgi and, and he assures her that she’ll be remembered as the man who saved him from capitalist assassins. Priscilla’s neighbor Mrs. Gropkin comes in and asks Priscilla to check on Alex, her sick son. When she sees Georgi still wearing the Santa outfit, she asks him to put his beard on and come to see Alex, hoping that Santa will raise her son’s spirits.

Illya climbs down to an alleyway and sees a Santa on the street. When he goes over, he realizes that it’s Fred from the mission.

Alex cheers up when he realizes that “Santa” has come to visit him. However, he figures that his mother brought Santa to see him a month early because he’s going to die. Georgi assures Alex that he’s going to be fine. He then tells Mrs. Gropkin privately that he’ll send his personal physician, Dr. Sigmoid, to tend to the boy. Mrs. Gropkin doesn’t believe that anyone can help, and Georgi admits that his son died of the same illness. As he leaves with Priscilla, Georgi complains that giving false hope to children using a myth of a man in a suit is cruel, and Priscilla offers to tell him the true meaning of Christmas. He doesn’t want to hear it and tells Priscilla to call his hotel so that he can summon Sigmoid.

Napoleon and Illya contact each other by radio and head back to U.N.C.L.E. HQ to report in. Waverly isn’t happy that they’ve not only failed to protect Georgi, but lost him as well. Illya figures that Maxim set the shooting up since he was the only one who knew that Georgi would be at the mission. Waverly tells the agents that Georgi made his way back to the hotel and is now denouncing the West, and tells them to go and apologize.

At the hotel, Georgi tells Maxim that he plans to go before the UN and denounce the U.S. As he pounds on his table with a shoe, Napoleon and Illya arrive. Georgi refuses to hear their apology and has Maxim escort them out. The agents agree to focus on Maxim as the likely suspect.

Later, Maxim goes to a newsstand to meet with Ferenc. He complains about Ferenc failing yet again and gives him a bomb to attach to Georgi's limo and blow him up. When Ferenc points out that he'll be driving the limo as Georgi's chauffeur, Maxim assures him that he'll die a hero's death. Napoleon and Illya, having followed Maxim, try to arrest him. However, two of Maxim's men are waiting and capture them. They take the agents to a turkey warehouse, tie them up, and leave them in a coop. After waiting overnight, Maxim tells them that in fifteen minutes, Georgi will die.

Ferenc picks up Georgi at the hotel, but Priscilla runs up and asks the chairman to come with her. Alex won't take his medicine unless Santa is there. Georgi protests, saying that humanity is waiting for his speech. However, Priscilla angrily says that the life of one child depends on what he does now. Ferenc reminds the chairman that they're running late and Georgi reluctantly turns down Priscilla's request. She refuse to take no for an answer and get in the limo with him.

At the warehouse, Maxim waits for the bomb to explode. Illya asks for some lunch and the security chief tosses some seed into the coop. The turkey speck at the seed, and Napoleon and Illya realize that the birds have sharp beaks.

As Ferenc drives to the UN, Priscilla apologizes for her earlier remarks ad tells Georgi that he's the only one that Alex can rely on. They hit a traffic jam and come to a halt.

Maxim tells the agents that it's too late to stop the bomb. The agents have maneuvered to have the turkeys peck through their ropes, free themselves, and take out Maxim and his man.

With three minutes left, Ferenc pulls out of the jam. Georgi finally agrees to help Alex, but Ferenc refuses to go to the tenement. Furious, the chairman says that they're getting out and goes to a subway station with Priscilla. Ferenc panics and runs for it, but Napoleon and Illya arrive in time to grab him. The bomb explodes, destroying the car, and Georgi realizes that he's been saved by a miracle. When he tears up his speech, Priscilla says that it's another miracle.

Later, Georgi has Alex transported to a hospital. Thanks to Sigmoid's treatment, Alex's condition improves and he's no longer in danger. Napoleon helps Priscilla decorate the boy's ward Christmas Tree, while Waverly arrives to tell Illya that they're sending Maxim and Ferenc home by boat aboard in a turkey coop. Sigmoid assures Alex that he can go home for the holidays, and tells Mrs. Gropkin that Georgi's visit help the body's recovery. Georgi comes in dressed as Santa, with presents from Macy's for all of the children. Mr. Macy is with him, and assures the chairman that he can be Santa anytime.

Written by Gadfly on Dec 1, 2015