Hostile Makeover Recap

At the reading of the will of Jonas Jr., Hank and Dean stare down at their father. Dr. Venture is paralyzed with joy upon learning that his brother left him all of his billions of dollars.

The Ventures are soon off to New York City and move into their expensive new penthouse. Dr. Venture fires the board of directors of his company, and everyone dances.

The next morning, J-Bot is serving the family breakfast and the boys make plans for the day, while a jealous Soul-Bot watches his replacement. They're interrupted when superheroes Stars-and-Stripes, Warriana, and Fallen Archer arrive at their doorstep. Stars-and-Stripes explains that they represent he Crusaders Action League and they're there to sell "protection" to the Ventures, but Dr. Venture isn't interested. Warriana warns that the evil tower across the street is filled with villains, and Hatred insists that the Venture building already has professional protection.

At the Monarch's former childhood home, Gary hides the newspaper and says that Dr. My Wife went to a Guild meeting. The Monarch eventually sees the news that Dr. Venture has inherited billions and bought a new building. The villain wants to go there immediately, and insists that it's only a reconnaissance mission.

In the Guild's new satellite headquarters, the six members of the Council of Thirteen gather. Dr. Killinger has disappeared once more but he's left the Guild Charter with Watch and Ward that will tell the Council everything that they need to know about running the Guild. Originally the Guild didn't have a Sovereign, but Phantom Limb insists that they need a strong leader. Dr. My Wife points out that the former Sovereign left a huge mess, and they have to take command to reassure the rank and file. The Council agrees to a town hall meeting, but Phantom Limb warns that the members must never know how close the Guild came to losing the organization.

Dean arrives at Stuyvesant University and doesn't remember his professor, Martin, who used to be his neighbor and is secretly Brown Widow. The BMOC, Tosh Tompkins, throws an energy drink can at Brown Widow. Rather than give away his heroic identity, Martin lets the can hit him in the head.

With Pirate Captain's help, Dr. Venture is giving away money to charities. Pirate Captain is overworked because Dr. Venture fired everyone, fills out another giant check, and heads off to the next event. He catches a taxi, unaware that Gary is disguised as a street performer and the Monarch as a living Statue of Liberty statue. Gary has stolen a key card and when Pirate Captain notices, Monarch darts him unconscious. The police come over, and Gary and Monarch run for it.

At the Guild town hall meeting, the members complain about the lack of organization. Dr. My Wife introduces the Sovereign on the view screen, who is actually Phantom Limb using a voice synthesizer. When Phineas Phage points out that the Sovereign fought the Council Dr. My Wife calls Phantom Limb down and announces that the Sovereign is dead. She shows everyone the charter and says that the Council will lead them, and they will start screening for new Council members. Dr. My Wife admits that they don't have all the answers but promises that the Guild will be great once more.

Dr. Venture goes back to the penthouse and Soul-Bot eagerly brings him a pipe and slippers. However, he'd rather have a cool drink served by J-Bot. Hank has bought every man-toy available online and a trapeze artist to teach him trapeze. As Dr. Venture complains that they can't spend his billions, Hatred comes in and asks if he's expecting company because someone is coming up in the elevator. It's Brock, who says that he's reporting for duty as their new bodyguard.

Later on the OSI flying HQ, Hatred complains to Hunter Gathers that he's been reassigned. Gathers says that now that Venture is back in business, he needs someone competent body guarding him. Nobody else needs a bodyguard, and Hatred either takes a desk job or quits.

Brock finds Pirate Captain going through his foot locker, and Pirate Captain quickly goes with a hidden OSI tranq gun he found. Hooked on tranquilizer darts, Pirate Captain takes the elevator down and shoots himself with a dart. Meanwhile, Brock flies Dr. Venture off, creating a sonic boom that shatters the windows of their neighbor, Wide Wale. Dr. Venture has Brock fly him to a tailor's shop to settle an old score. The owner, Enzo, recognizes Dr. Venture, and Dr. Venture says that he's there to make things right. He offers Enzo money, and Enzo spits on Dr. Venture's face and throws the money on the ground as a gesture of forgiveness.

Enzo goes to get "The Ambassador," and Dr. Venture tells Brock that 20 years ago when he inherited his father's money, he placed an order for a speed suit. He never came back for it. Enzo brings out the suit.

At Monarch's home, Dr. My Wife connects up with the other Council members via webcam. They worry that New York will secede from the Guild, and Phantom Limb says that they must reach out to the leading villain personally. Dr. My Wife agrees, and Phantom Limb tells her that she has a date with the leader: Wide Wale. Monarch and Gary are playing Go Fish, and Dr. My Wife claims that she has a business emergency in the city. He assures her that it's okay. Once she leaves, Monarch prepares to go back to reconnoiter the new Venture Tower. The renovator, Manolo, says goodbye and Monarch gets an idea and runs after him.

Hank visits Brock to borrow his binoculars to look for naked women, and complains that Hank is dressing like Justin Bieber. It doesn't go well.

Monarch and Gary pull up to the tower, dressed as renovators. Hatred is watching from across the street, secretly guarding the Ventures. Meanwhile, Dr. My Wife arrive for her date and Wale says that Phantom Limb has already offered him a seat on the Council. He puts a hand on Dr. My Wife's knee and says that he needs more than a seat, and asks how far she's willing to go to save the Guild.

Hank is watching Wale's penthouse from his balcony, and sees a girl diving into the building's swimming pool. After a moment she floats to the surface, apparently dead.

Monarch and Gary go to the Venture Tower front desk and dart the guards unconscious. The elevator has a retinal scanner, and Monarch tries to pass it without success. The doors close and the alarms go off, and Pirate Captain wakes up from his drug stupor.

Hank grabs Brock's gas-powered grapple gun, runs back to the balcony, and crosses over to the pool window. The Crusaders Action League hears the shots and head in, and Warriana tries to rescue Hank. She hits his line and falls to the ground, while Hank slams into the opposing business. Stars-and-Stripes sees the unconscious Warriana and assumes that they're facing a powerful villain.

As Brock prepares to go after Hank, Fallen Archer attacks him with his foot-arrows. Brock attacks him but Stars-and-Stripes blocks him with his shield and they fight. Dean is trying to study and hears the commotion, and calls Dr. Venture. Dr. Venture is in the bath and J-Bot tells him to proceed to the panic room. The robot then leaps outside and opens fire, as a disappointed Soul-Bot watches. Warriana arrives and attacks J-Bot, and Soul-Bot arms itself.

Hank kicks on the window until the girl wakes up. She reveals that she has gills and Hank waves to her... and loses his grip on the line. He falls to his death... and Detective Richard Knight drives his hell bike up the side of the building and grabs Hank. He explains that he was a police detective gunned him down, and now he's... Night Dick.

Dr. My Wife confirms that Wale will support the Guild if she has sex with him. She worries about her husband, and Wale points out that he's a mere Level 6 and he's a 10.

Monarch fires darts into Pirate Captain until he runs out, and Gary knocks Pirate Captain unconscious with his tool box. They then hold Pirate Captain up to the scanner.

The Crusaders Action League have managed to subdue Brock and J-Bot, when Night Dick arrives. Dr. Venture comes out and demands to know what's going on, and explains that Brock and J-Bot are his bodyguards.

Monarch and Gary run out, and Hatred hits Gary. Dr. My Wife pulls up in her limo and tells Hatred that she'll handle it, and orders Monarch to get in the car. She then presents Hatred with an official arching document confirming that Wale is now Dr. Venture's official arch, and Monarch is poaching on the Guild. She joins the others in the car. As they drive off, Dr. My Wife gives Monarch the bad news.

The Crusaders Action League makes a quick retreat, and Hank tells Brock that he might have met a girl. Meanwhile, Soul-Bot shoves J-Bot off the roof when no one's looking.

Written by Gadfly on Feb 2, 2016