Beautiful People - Episode Guide

Simon Doonan remembers his glamour-starved childhood during the 90s. He recalls his mum's blind friend and her eating habits, and their neighbour's dress sense.

Simon Doonan recounts the time when auditioning for the school play led to his mother being arrested for assault, and the re-enactment of a famous horror film, which can only mean showtunes and gypsy skirts.

Simon Doonan remembers his mother's experiments with the occult and his grandmother's return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world. Featuring conjoined twins and a bingo caller.

Birthdays have never been easy for Simon, especially when the whole school finds out what he really really wants. Meanwhile Ashlene meets a flasher and Aunty Hayley feels loved and a whole lot more.

Simon remembers the time when an overweight guide dog and two deaths dominated his young life. Meanwhile, Kylie covets a 'dusky Diana' hair colour while Simon wants Tameka's golden hair tongs.

A new teacher arrives at school who really may be one of the Beautiful People. Can this really be true? Simon and Kylie finally try to leave Reading for ultra glamorous London. In New York older Simon gets homesick.

Simon unearths a terrible secret about his parents' marriage and Ashlene drops a bombshell which will change her life forever as blind Aunty Hayley climbs into bed with the wrong man. Warning: contains several wedding scenes and an Enya tribute band.

Debbie's millinery choices lead Simon to recall his visit to the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest, a very odd dinner with his parents' gaybours (gay neighbours) and a meeting with Dana International in a disabled toilet. Warning: contains euro-pop.

1998 Ground Force is at its height and Simon feels a desperate need for a water feature. Meanwhile, the women of Melody Crescent feel a desperate need to 'sloshercise' with hunky training instructor Tiger. Elaine Page makes a stunning appearance in Simon's imagination. Warning: contains showtunes.

The Doonans plan a holiday abroad but a plumbing disaster spoils everything. Meanwhile across the road, Kylie's father meets his match in the form of a snarling dog called Madonna. Warning: contains Bette Midler impersonations and a replica Eiffel Tower.

The Doonans go deep into the world of Brit Art when they meet rabble rouser Stacey Bile near the Kate Winslet memorial roundabout. This leads to several road accidents, imminent birth, blind ladies driving cars and the Turner Prize. Meanwhile, Aunty Hayley has set herself up as a telephone astrologer with one rather obsessive client, guest star Dannii Minogue.

Simon is plagued by school bullies and decides to leave home to be with The Beautiful People. But as usual, nothing goes according to plan. Debbie, convinced that she's destined for stardom, becomes the talk of Melody Crescent. As our favourite characters converge in the front room for Debbie's TV premiere, three questions remain: will Kylie ever get out of the closet? Who is Puff Daddy's daddy? And will Simon meet his match?