Carpenter tells Binghamton that a civilian woman, Kate O'Hara, is on Taratupa after the transport plane she was on made an emergency landing. The plane needs three days for repairs, and Binghamton confirms that she's very attractive. He bursts into song and Carpenter starts to warn him. Binghamton goes out to greet her... and finds her in his anteroom playing dice with the sailors.
Later, a bored Kate sits in Binghamton's office and he calls to learn that she's being evacuated to Australia by order of the MPs on Bora Bora. Kate explains that she had a café there and Binghamton points out that they had to burn it to the ground, and warns that he's going to make sure she behaves herself while she's at Taratupa. He says that he's assigning her to the nurse's quarters and Kate asks if they have male nurses. Binghamton orders her to have nothing to do with the men on the base, and she spots McHale out the window and goes to greet him by name. McHale hugs his old friend, and introduces her to the crew. Binghamton and Carpenter come out and Binghamton has Carpenter escort her to the nurses' quarters over her objections. He then orders McHale to stay away from Kate and goes back to his office. McHale tells the crew that Binghamton did him a good turn because Kate spells trouble. Once Parker and McHale go to get supplies, the crew figures that McHale has flipped and come up with a plan to get him with Kate.
Back on the island, McHale and Parker return to the hutch and find Kate waiting at a dinner table set for two. She figures that McHale sent the crew to bring her there, and shoves Parker out. Kate then turns on the charm and hugs him, and McHale tells her to give his wallet back. Once she returns it along with the money, Fuji comes in with dinner. McHale pushes him out and claims that he's the Filipino houseboy, and the crew starts playing music from outside. Once McHale orders them away, Virgil starts singing from another window. McHale throws a shell at him to drive him off, and Kate asks McHale for $5,000.
Parker runs in and says that Binghamton is there, and Binghamton comes in a few seconds later. Binghamton figures that he has McHale for disobeying direct orders, and the crew bursts into song again. Binghamton tells them to be quiet and then says that McHale will lose a months' pay. He puts Kate under armed guard and escorts her out.
The next day, Carpenter tells Binghamton that he has message from Admiral Rogers about rotation. Personnel with over 24 months of combat duty are to be shipped home. Binghamton realizes that McHale has been there 25 months, and prepares to ship him out. Carpenter finally says that the directive specifies married men, and Binghamton gets an idea. He visits Kate and suggests that she should marry McHale, and she figures that something is up. Binghamton points out that she'll get $375 a month from her allotment checks, and she'll be in Australia while he's at Taratupa. Kate quickly agrees.
Later, McHale and Parker find Kate on a lounge chair in McHale's hutch. She shoves Parker out and tells McHale to sit down and relax. Kate insists that McHale is her man and she just wants to be his wife, and insists that he marry her. She's already befriended Fuji and knows that he's Japanese, and threatens to tell Binghamton unless McHale marries her. McHale realizes that she'd do it and agrees.
Later at the base, Kate is having Nurse Alice help put on her wedding dress made of old parachutes. Alice tells Kate about the rotation orders and Kate is shocked to learn that she'll have to be a housewife. She tells Alice to get her out of the wedding dress. She then goes to Binghamton's office and tells him that the wedding is off. Binghamton orders her to marry McHale and reads her criminal record. He promises to turn her over to the Australian police unless she marries McHale/
McHale and Tinker go to visit Kate, and he tells Kate that he'll give her $500 if she turns him loose. Kate explains about Binghamton's threat, and says that she can't imagine them as a married couple. Binghamton has moved the wedding up to 6 o'clock that night, and McHale comes up with an idea. He figures that there can't be a wedding without the bride, and they'll drop Kate off in New Caledonia after declaring a phony alert for the 73. Kate wonders how they'll get her past the MPs on guard, and McHale says that they'll disguise her as Tinker.
Once they put Kate in a seaman's uniform, and McHale tells Tinker to stall if Binghamton comes in. As McHale and Kate leave, Binghamton comes over and Kate fakes working on the jeep engine to hide her face. When Binghamton tells her to salute, Kate covers her face with grease to disguise herself. McHale says that they'll see Binghamton at the altar and then drives off with Kate.
McHale and Kate go to the 73 and McHale tells the crew to prepare to disembark. The 73 won't start and Tinker wearing the wedding dress comes running over screaming. He warns that he climbed out the window after he learned that Binghamton is coming. McHale sends him to repair the engines and Kate down below as Binghamton arrives. He asks where McHale is going, and McHale claims that they're going back to the island to get his dress whites. Binghamton says that they'll send a gig to get them, just as the air raid siren goes off.
As Parker fires the AA gun at an incoming bandit, Kate runs out and calls to McHale. Binghamton mistakes her for Tinker and tells her to take over for Parker. The bandits drop bombs near the 73, and the water from the splash knocks off Kate's hat and oil. Binghamton realizes who she is and warns McHale that nothing is going to stop the wedding. Carpenter runs up and says that Rogers has sent a new message ordering McHale and the 73 to help search for the bandits' carrier. Binghamton has no choice but to comply, but Carpenter points out that the captain of a ship can perform a wedding.
Carpenter finds a Bible and Tinker whispers to McHale that the engines are fixed. Binghamton begins the ceremony at gun point and Parker accidentally hits the throttle. The 73 pulls off and Binghamton falls overboard as everyone waves to him.
Later, McHale escorts Kate to a waiting carriage. Once she leaves, McHale goes back to the 73 and checks his wallet for the $500... and discovers that Kate took it. He figures that he's getting off easy and they head to Comfleet. When McHale checks his wristwatch for the time, he discovers that Kate took that as well.
Written by Gadfly on Jan 20, 2017