My Wife and Kids - Episode Guide

In the series pilot, Michael is upset. Why? Because Janet wants to work full-time, because Jr. admires gangsta rap and because Claire wants to go to school in a tank top. Making matters worse, younger daughter Kady keeps yammering at him in Spanish---thanks to Rosa the nanny, who, he's convinced, can't stand him.

Michael is ready to pound Jr. because he suspects his son has gotten a tattoo. But Jr. won't own up to it (he won't take off his shirt, either). Meanwhile, Kady's mad at Michael because he won't let her go on a sleepover.

Jr. and his friend Tommy want to write songs but can't find their muse. Their solution: something they smoke. Meanwhile, Claire doesn't have time for Kady; and Jay wants to get rid of Michael's old "stuff" in their closet.

It's "Jr. time" when Michael goes one-on-one with his son on the basketball court. Then sore loser Michael must take Claire on a shopping expedition to buy underwear. Needless to say, she's excruciatingly embarrassed.

Jr.'s F in algebra becomes an A through the magic of forgery. But it doesn't fool his parents, who decide to "toy" with him. Making matters worse: Jr. told Claire and blackmail ensues.

With Jr. in danger of failing algebra, Michael comes up with a unique plan to help him pass; and Jay has mother-daughter relationship problems with Claire, who is turning into "little Miss Attitude."

Jr. is being teased by a new neighbor, a boy who is much bigger than he is. But the bully is no match for Claire. Meanwhile, Michael and Jay are once again sparring over Jay's working. "You're Wonder Woman," he tells her, "because every time I come home I'm wondering, 'where's my woman?'."

It seems as though Michael and Jay are speaking Chinese---they simply aren't paying attention to each other one Saturday. It all begins because she wants him to take part in family activities and he wants to watch basketball. So he tunes her out when she asks him to do something. Of course he doesn't know what it is.

Claire has her first crush, and when the boy comes over, he can't take her eyes off her...father's video game. Meanwhile, Jr. injures a delicate part of his anatomy.

Michael's single brother Ken shows up for dinner with his 21-year-old girlfriend, Tiara, sparking Michael's fears that his marriage (or at least his sex life) has lost its spark. Meanwhile, Claire's getting her hopes up (a bit too much) about an upcoming dance contest.

Michael's accountant (radio personality Doug Banks) dies suddenly, prompting Michael to vow "to live life to its fullest." His definition of "fullest" includes hugging Jay and the kids incessantly, wearing a wig, and deciding to sell his business and live in an RV. And he's driving his family crazy.

Part 1 of two. Jay's away tending to her laid-up mother, so Michael's in charge of the household. The kids don't like it. "You miss your mommy a lot, don't you?" Michael commiserates to Kady. "More and more every day," she replies.

Conclusion. Jay's still away, but the house is more crowded than ever. Among the guests: Claire's friend Charmaine, who doesn't seem to want to go home; and Jr.'s new "friends"; (two of whom are played by Damon Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Michael);, who aren't very friendly to him. Meanwhile, Michael tells Kady fanciful stories about her birth (one of which features a cameo by Shaquille O'Neal).

Jr. and Claire are chafing at Michael's household rules, so he drops them all. He also stops doing anything for them. That means they must cook their own meals and get themselves to school. It also means no curfews for Jr., but locked doors when he returns home. And it means that Claire may talk on the telephone as long as she likes, as long as she uses the pay phone Michael has installed.

Claire and Kady and Jr. are fed up with the way Michael has been treating them while Jay has been away ("You've been a dictator," Claire tells him), so they concoct a fantasy about "the perfect dad." Then Michael gets a turn to concoct a fantasy of his own. Gary Coleman has a cameo as Kady's fiancé.

Jay finally returns from California and it seems that she has put on weight. Trouble is, she won't admit it, and that concerns Michael. But what he tells his shrink concerns his performance anxieties.

Michael won't let Claire go to a party, but she's not about to take "no" for an answer, so a standoff ensues. Father-daughter trust is its first victim as she plots to go to the party while he plots to catch her.

Lou Rawls guest stars in an episode that takes a lighthearted look at a serious problem: colon cancer. Rawls appears as a singing doctor in a sequence in which Michael "previews" his colonoscopy the night before he has it. Getting him there is not easy. "What is it with men?" Janet fumes. "You take better care of your cars than you do of your bodies." That doesn't make him bend. What does is the thought of not being there for his kids.

Claire, playing a dare game with Jr. and Kady, eats Michael's piece of pie. Michael's punishment: Let them eat pie (and only pie). Meanwhile, Michael offers to be the dieting Jay's "chubby buddy": He'll eat the same lo-cal food she does. Of course, he doesn't tell her that he plans to cheat.

Jay's in for a surprise when she takes Claire and Kady to her office on Take Your Daughters to Work Day: She gets fired. "Baby, I'm so sorry," Michael tells her. She knows he doesn't mean it: Now he has the full-time housewife he's been longing for.

When Jay buys new computer software, Michael, assuming that Jr. will use it to watch pornography, demands she return it. Jay refuses, precipitating a cold war between the two. "Fix it," Jr. tells his father. He and Jay do. Do they ever.

Kady has acquired a hamster and Claire has a crush on a boy named Tony. Both developments pose parental challenges for Michael and Jay. The hamster dies. And Michael wishes Claire's new beau would follow suit.

Michael decides his kids are spoiled and puts them to work. They must use their allowances as "seed money" for businesses. So Kady opens a lemonade stand and Claire opens a beauty salon (in the living room). And Jr.? He becomes a professional gambler. Meagan and Melissa Freeman, sisters of regular Jennifer Freeman (Claire), play Claire's friends Meagan and Melissa.

Jay wants Michael to spend more quality time with her, while Michael wants to spend more quality time with his favorite video game. At first, Jay calls the situation "a breakdown in communication." Then she ratchets it up to "You don't love me." So it's off to a shrink. Meanwhile, Jr. has difficulty believing that other boys just might find Claire attractive.

Michael's cousin is getting married and Michael must rouse his reluctant family to get them all to the church on time. It won't be easy. The Kyles, he concedes, are "notoriously late" (except for him). Challenge No. 1: get Jay to decide which dress to wear.

The Kyles hit the road for an educational venture---they're going to Boston to visit Paul Revere's house. Trouble is, nobody but Jay wants to go ("Who cares where a dead rock star from the '60s was born?" moans Jr.). As it turns out, Jay's in a foul mood as well.

Part 1 of two. After a squabble with a man at a gas station, Michael is dragged to a family dinner at a restaurant. Things get no better for him when they get there.

Conclusion: The Kyles' dinner at a Japanese restaurant is already a disaster. Then they meet their dinner companions. Larry Miller appears as one of the dinner guests.

Michael breaks his no-dating-for-Claire policy, on the condition that her first date be a double date---with Michael and Jay. Back at home, Jr. baby-sits Kady and nickels-and-dimes small favors from her.

Michael's parents visit. That's a chore for Jay, who doesn't get along with his mother, while Michael doesn't get along with his father. And, talk about dysfunction, his parents don't talk to each other. Meanwhile, Jr. is seeing a cheerleader (Sterling Victorian) who's a bit too hot for his parents' taste.

Jr. overhears Claire and Tony talking about "doing it," and jumps to conclusions. Meanwhile, Michael discovers a gray hair (not on his head) and vows to "fight 40." So he takes up boxing. Wayans' sons Damon Jr. and Mike play two of Jr.'s friends.

Jay's getting a reputation as a stern taskmaster as the coach of Kady's soccer team, so Michael takes over. His coaching philosophy is considerably more mellow (with results that would make Vince Lombardi blush). And soon, a coaching showdown looms.

Jay goes overboard trying to impress---and one-up---the boss after Michael hires her to help out around the office. Meanwhile, Kady makes a new friend in an old, out-of-this-world doll.

Jr. takes an IQ test, whose results are a surprise. Meanwhile, Michael isn't smart enough to assemble Kady's new jungle gym, and Kady announces what she wants to be when she grows up: a hall monitor. So she practices at school (and learns she likes bossing people around).

Michael hurts his back playing a game on "Family Night." The family thinks it's funny, so he decides to play with their heads. But he overplays his hand.

Jay's feeling "frumpy" after she and Michael run into a gorgeous and superachieving high-school classmate named Susan. So it's time for a makeover. Meanwhile, Jr. has made the basketball team. That's the good news. But there's an initiation to undergo: he must sneak into the girls' locker room and retrieve a certain item of clothing.

The Kyles go bowling and run into their not-so-charming dinner companions, the Tylers (Larry Miller, Kelly Coffield Park), at the alley. So it's a family-against-family match. But Jr. isn't interested in making war with the Tylers' daugher, Lisa, and he even knows how to speak her language (it's Klingonese).

Jr. gets his driver's license and buys his first car, a clunker that isn't going to get him anyplace fast anytime soon. Meanwhile, Claire's face swells up horribly thanks to a tooth abscess---just in time for picture day at school.

Part 1 of two. Michael and Jay's wedding anniversary's approaching, but Jay thinks that Michael's ignoring it. Meanwhile, Michael is frustrated when a "sexy mama" outbids him for a pair of Muhammad Ali boxing gloves in an online auction.

Conclusion. Brian McKnight serenades the Kyles at a backyard anniversary party, during which they renew their wedding vows. McKnight sings his 1999 hit "Back at One."

Part 1 of three. The Kyles go to Hawaii for a family vacation, although Michael would prefer it to be a second honeymoon. But Jay has "a full itinerary" planned, and it doesn't include honeymoon activities. At least he's bumped up to first class on the flight out, and he's surrounded by lingerie models.

Part 2 of three. The kids revolt at Jay's Hawaiian "itinerary," so it's back to the beach, where Michael happens to be girl-watching. But when he sees Claire in a skimpy bikini, he's not exactly ogling. Meanwhile, Jr. has donned his "tropical seduction suit," and it seems to be working on a girl named Leilani. Of course, he also tells her that his dad is Denzel Washington.

The Kyles' relaxing Hawaiian vacation concludes in a rush: Jay misreads the time on the plane tickets and there's no time to pack. That presents a particular problem for Claire, who bought so many clothes and charged them to their room. Michael won't like that when he gets the bill. Meanwhile, Jr. doesn't want to leave because he's in love with Leilani, and Kady won't leave without her doll Pippy, which she buried on the beach.

Jay's getting tired of the same-old same-old on her nights out with Michael, so she browbeats him into taking samba lessons. Making matters worse for him, the instructor---Mr. Roccocco---is a little friendlier to Jay than he would like. Meanwhile, Claire makes the cheerleading team, and Jr. wants to add his name to the "Guinness Book of World Records."

While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary. Of course she reads it, and that leads to a mother-daughter talk about sex. Meanwhile, Jr. takes an unofficial driving test when he takes Michael to an eye-doctor appointment. And all Kady wants to do is play hide-and-seek.

Michael decides he likes Claire's straitlaced boyfriend, Tony, so naturally Claire dumps him for a hip-hop swaggerer who calls himself 1040 EZ ("'Cause I be taxin' my women"). Michael is anything but pleased. Nor is Jay pleased when she sees the portrait of her that Jr. has drawn.

Tennis star Serena Williams guests as a teacher in an episode in which Jay volunteers to direct Kady's kindergarten-class play ("Romeo and Juliet"), and volunteers Michael to help her. But Jay, who has a very competitive side, doesn't want anyone to stand in the way of her "vision." And she treats her charges as though they were army recruits and she was a drill sergeant.

Claire and Jr. are continually fighting, to the annoyance of Jay and Michael, who decide to give them "a taste of their own medicine." They'll pretend to fight with each other. "If we can't beat them---and the law says we can't--- the only thing left to do is join them," Michael says.

Michael's younger sister, Kelly, drops in for an unexpected visit. Trouble is, Jay can't stand her, and Kelly does nothing during her stay to change Jay's mind.

Jr.'s awkward around girls, so Michael coaches him in the manly art of attracting women. He learns his lesson only too well. Meanwhile, Jay's mad at Michael because she dreamt that he had been fooling around with Janet Jackson.

Steve Harvey guest stars in an episode in which Michael encourages Jay and the kids to tap their creative juices. Jay decides to paint, Claire to design clothes and Kady to play the piano. Meanwhile, Michael renews acquaintances with his old friend Steve (Harvey), who has recently divorced and is playing the field. One of his dates owns an art gallery, where Jay's painting ends up.

Mos Def guests as Michael's old friend Tommy, who arrives for a visit with a surprise: he's in a wheelchair after having fallen from his roof while painting. Michael has difficulty accepting his friend's disability, and that annoys the very-competitive Tommy no end. Meanwhile, Claire doesn't want to take Kady with her when she goes to the mall, but her parents insist.

Michael and Jay attend a couples seminar, where they discover that their "fantastic" relationship isn't exactly that. Meanwhile, two of Jr.'s friends (Damon Wayans Jr., Michael Wayans) discover a way to use Claire's clothing-store job to make money for themselves.

Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and "the new Tony" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a "rave."

Michael, bemoaning the lack of quality time the Kyles spend with each other, decides to spend some time with the kids, whether they like it or not. Claire and Jr. don't, and Kady agrees only to watch the movie "The Little Mermaid" with him. Michael switches it with "Gremlins," and that scares her. So does the power failure that soon follows (she thinks the two are related). But it least the blackout brings the Kyles together.

Jay nominates Michael for the "Small Businessman of the Year" award and he assumes he's going to win it (especially after a golfing buddy on the organization's board tells him: "If my vote were the only one that counted, you'd be a shoo-in"). Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jay's makeup bag once too often.

Part 1 of two. Jr. has a new girlfriend and Michael thinks she's quite a prize. But Jay has her doubts. Meanwhile, Kady has a gentleman caller, a budding piano prodigy named Franklin (Noah Gray-Cabey).

Conclusion: Michael throws Jr. out of the house after he and Jay find their son in their bed with his girlfriend. Jay disagrees---strenuously---about the punishment, and the Kyle household is not a happy one. As for Jr., he has been banished to a tent in the backyard.

Michael and Jay are both called for jury duty and wind up on the same case. It's "open and shut," Michael declares. Jay demurs, not surprisingly. And she suspects Michael's motives because she knows he wants to get home to watch a "Godfather" marathon on TV.

Claire and Jr. have been fighting all their lives, but when both claim to have found a wallet with $500 (and no I.D.) in it, it's time for "family court," the honorable ("and very handsome") Judge Michael Kyle presiding. Jay agrees to serve as Claire's lawyer while Kady's genius boyfriend Franklin argues for Jr. Meanwhile, Claire decides to become a vegetarian, prompted by her boyfriend, Tony, who has begun to fast. And Michael volunteers to teach Kady to ride a bicycle.

Claire gets her learner's permit, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Michael will permit her to drive. But he does relent and takes her out for a driving lesson. It doesn't go well. ("Michael: "What's the first thing you do when you get into the car?" Claire: "Find a good radio station.") Meanwhile, Kady and Franklin announce their engagement.

Franklin's little sister, Aretha, is a terrific singer, but he doesn't exactly brag about her. Meanwhile, Jay finds a photo of Michael's former girlfriend among his memorabilia. Why, she wonders, has he saved it? Actually, "wonders" doesn't adequately describe her reaction. "We have a crisis in our marriage," she fumes.

Jay decides she wants to share Michael's golf experience. She doesn't want to play---just follow him around the course. Meanwhile, Jr. decides he wants to go to college (because Vanessa's going), but he's stuck on the college-application essay. So he asks Franklin for help.

Claire and Tony announce that they are going to have sex to Michael and Jay, who react as expected. But after calming down they strategize on how to stop the impending tryst. "We'll scare the pants off them," Michael tells Jay, "Well, not the pants." Meanwhile, Jr. gets Kady to think that she made him sick, so she's at his beck and call. But Franklin smells a rat.

Claire has been asked to the senior prom, but Michael won't let her go. Their compromise: Michael and Jay will chaperone. Suffice it to say that Jay thinks more of the plan than Claire does (or than Michael does, at first). Meanwhile, Jr's rehabbing an old car and he wants Michael to pay for it. Michael agrees, but that isn't necessarily good news for Jr.

Part 1 of 2: Jr.'s high-school graduation is approaching and he drops a bombshell: He wants to go to college. Perhaps not surprisingly, it's the same one that his girlfriend Vanessa plans to attend. Trouble is, it's hard to get into, but Michael thinks he knows how to deal with that. Meanwhile, Claire and Kady can't wait to get rid of their older brother, and neither can Franklin.

Conclusion. Michael and Jay take a dim view of Jr. and Vanessa's plan to marry after graduation from high school, and push for him to take a trip to Japan without her. Meanwhile (and curiously), both Claire and Kady come to realize that they would miss Jr. if he were to leave.

After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklin is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.

Michael is convinced to try a new hair product after seeing the success a previously bald friend of his had with it. But as his hair starts to come in, Jay is fed up with his new and strange behavior, and Michael becomes convinced that Jay is trying to kill him.

Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr. however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Elsewhere Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

Jay decides to go back to college and get her psychology degree. Michael is opposed, of course. He says it will disrupt the house and it does: Jay psychoanalyzes everybody. Meanwhile, Jay gives Jr. his baby crib for his own baby, but his friends John and Mike have their own plans for it.

Vanessa's parents have an agenda when they meet Michael and Jay for the first time. Meanwhile, Michael fears that Claire's becoming a "clothesaholic." Vanessa: Brooklyn Sudano.

Michael, suspecting that Jr. lacks parenting skills, challenges him to care for a fake baby (actually, a water balloon) for a week. Meanwhile, Kady wants to know how babies are made. "You're over the stork story, huh?" Jay asks. "Way past it," she replies.

Jr. has been getting friendly with a coworker named Larry, who ups the friendship ante considerably when his grandmother dies. Meanwhile, Claire sprains her ankle tripping over Kady's skateboard, so Michael makes Kady Claire's "personal assistant."

Jay's training hard to run a marathon; Michael not so hard ("I'm on my regimen---it's called the eat, drink and be merry regimen"). Meanwhile, Tony is feeling incredibly guilty because he finds Clare "incredibly sexy."

Vanessa has her ultrasound, but doesn't want to know the baby's sex. Neither does Jr. Only Michael wants to know. Meanwhile, Kady is enamored of a young dancer named Smilin' Willie (Elliot Cho). This upsets not only Franklin, but Claire as well. It seems that Willie has a crush on her, and won't leave her alone.

Michael and Jay go out for the evening without reciting "the rules" to Claire. That means it's party time, and the party animal turns out to be Claire's usually pious boyfriend Tony.

E Street Band saxman Clarence Clemons guests as a jazz performer who went to school with Michael, who suddenly claims he's a pianist (albeit a rusty one). He'll get a chance to show it. Meanwhile, Kady and Franklin's sister Aretha are vying to be lead singer in Franklin's band, so the young man has a choice to make.

Tony returns from a "purification exile" that followed his drunk-and-naked escapade, and Michael finds condoms in Claire's backpack. Naturally, he suspects linkage. Meanwhile, Jr. and Vanessa get a dog---a male they name "Lady"---as a "dress rehearsal" for parenthood. Jr. will soon demonstrate just how much rehearsal he'll need.

There's a mouse in the house (and doggerel in the script). Is Michael man enough to catch it? Hardly. "He's a genius," he admits, "an evil, conniving genius." But there might be a better mousetrap in the Kyle household: Claire, who's inadvertently wreaking havoc on any wildlife she encounters.

Jr. decides it's time to move out of the garage and into a place of his own, a "humble abode," he calls it. "Very humble," Michael notes on his first inspection. Just how bad is the neighborhood? "He could go out for a quart of milk and end up on the carton," says Jay.

It's candy-sale time at Kady's school and Jay won't help because she's dieting. So Michael steps in. The plan is for father and daughter to bond, but Michael's competitive nature soon overwhelms all else. "I'm afraid she's being trampled underfoot in your mad dash to victory," says Franklin, who devises his own sales strategy.

Jr. finally finishes restoring his old car---and then he sells it. He'll need college tuition for his baby-to-be, he tells his proud parents. Meanwhile, Franklin's sick of being "special," so he goes to Michael for advice and is told: "dumb down."

It's the Kyles' 19th anniversary, and Michael and Jay are busy one-upping each other in the gift department. Meanwhile, Franklin's teaching the gastronomically challenged Claire how to cook so she can prepare a fancy French dish for the anniversary dinner.

Jay wants to look younger and Michael wants to lose his "devious look" before a traffic-court date, so they visit a dermatologist, and it's smiles all around.

The NBA's LeBron James has a cameo in an episode in which all the Kyles catch the flu. Well, everyone but Michael, who goes to absurd lengths to stay healthy because he doesn't want to miss James' NBA debut at Madison Square Garden, for which Michael has scored courtside tickets.

Part 1 of two: None of the kids is at home, giving Michael and Jay a chance to reminisce (via clips from past episodes) about their brood: Claire, Kady and Jr.

The conclusion of a two-part highlight episode features clips of Michael's "minor glitches" and Jay's concern about her weight. Lou Rawls has a cameo as a physician.

Vanessa's parents have a fight and her father (Rasta) needs a place to stay, so he lands on the Kyles. He's an unusual house guest, to put it mildly. Meanwhile, Franklin has cracked the lottery. Unfortunately, he must rely on Jr. to buy the ticket that he has calculated will win.

Calvin (Rasta) goes to work at Kyle Trucking---well, not work, exactly, but Michael does feel as though he must hire his future in-law. Meanwhile, Claire has a science paper due on cold fusion, a topic about which she knows little and cares less. So she asks Franklin for help.

Michael has plans for a romantic getaway with Jay, but when Jr. foils that, they settle for a romantic evening at home. Hurdle No. 1: getting the kids out of the house. And that turns out to be the easy part.

Michael's so excited about a basketball game he's watching on TV that he accidentally tapes over Kady's first steps. What to do? Reenact them, with the reluctant assistance of Franklin.

Betty White guest stars as the maid Jay hires to replace her while she's away in Florida. Jay might have it tough when she returns, because the woman's an excellent cook and seamstress. She's also uncommonly adept at auto mechanics and TV repair. She can even beat Franklin at chess.

Michael doesn't think that modeling's a wise career choice for Claire, but when an agent tells him he has the perfect equipment to be a hand model, he thinks it's fine for him. Meanwhile, Kady's spending time with a girl named Rachel, making Franklin very jealous.

It's "game night" at the Kyle house, but it isn't exactly fun and games when the couples play "What Do You Know?" "What You Don't Know" would be more like it. "There's this weird energy here," moans Michael.

Part 1 of two. Vanessa is more than a little bit pregnant. In fact, she's a week overdue. She wants a natural childbirth at home, presided over by a new-agey midwife named Summer Breeze. Fat chance of that happening. Meanwhile, Claire suspects Kady of pilfering her perfume and lipstick.

Conclusion. Following Vanessa's false labor (and the chaos it caused), Michael scripts a "game plan" for the real thing. "This has to work like clockwork," he declares. Meanwhile, Claire and Kady, having made up, go off on a shopping spree together.

Part 1. Michael is obsessed with the prospect of going one-on-one with Michael Jordan at a Las Vegas basketball fantasy camp. Wayne Newton has a cameo in the episode, in which the entire Kyle klan joins Michael in Vegas.

Michael goes one-on-one with Michael Jordan in the conclusion of a two-part visit to Las Vegas. Rev. Al Sharpton also has a cameo as a minister at an all-night wedding chapel; Alan Thicke plays a magician who makes Jr. disappear (but can't bring him back); and Dom Irrera plays a hotel waiter whom Michael tips (exorbitantly) to show him Jordan's suite.

Jr. and Vanessa insist that Michael and Jay attend a child-care class for grandparents. Not surprisingly, it doesn't go well for Michael, who gets into a diaper-changing contest with Calvin.

Michael and Jay's high-school reunion is coming up, but Michael wants none of it. Then he's challenged to a "dance-off" by an old break-dancing rival, who also happens to be the first guy ever to have kissed Jay. Meanwhile, bullies target Franklin, so he devises a secret weapon.

All of a sudden, Jr. becomes really smart. All he has to do is touch his newborn son. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking in late and blackmails her.

Jr. invites Jay to Michael's weekly poker game. The other guys don't like it. Meanwhile, Kady's beginning to resent Jr. Jr. for taking the "baby" spotlight away from her.

Kyle-on-Kyle karaoke: Jay's Diana Ross vs. Michael's James Brown. Meanwhile, Jr. wants to propose to Vanessa, but he can't get a chance to do it.

Jay opens a soul-food restaurant on the same block as a Chinese restaurant owned by the very aggressive Annie Hoo. A food fight soon breaks out.

Jr. wants to be a rapper, so he enrolls in a "rapcademy" that Michael eyes suspiciously. MC Lyte, Flavor Flav, Kool Moe D and Special Ed guest star. Meanwhile, Jay talks Claire into going to her yoga class. She'll regret it. Bobby Shaw: Katt Williams.

Jr. and Vanessa set a date for their wedding, with the Kyles planning an elaborate one that might have made a royal couple blanch. This does not please the bride-to-be. Meanwhile, Kady's gaydar tells her something about Claire's boyfriend, Tony.

Jay notices the attention Jr. is lavishing on Vanessa and decides that Michael's ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin decides he's too short, when he can't meet a roller coaster's height requirement.

Jr. turns Michael on to foosball and no one can turn him off---and an extremely annoying "foosaholic" Michael turns out to be. Who can stop him? "El Foosay" (Franklin), a recovering foosaholic himself.

Jay's psychology professor doesn't like her. Bad news, considering that the final's coming up. Also bad news is Michael's determination to be her "study buddy." Meanwhile, Kady fears that Franklin's interested in another girl, a fellow brainiac named Emerson (after Ralph Waldo).

It's "Sweetheart's Day" at the Kyle household. That means presents for the ladies (Jay insists on it). So Michael devises a plan to determine how much to spend. Of course, it gets him into trouble.

Jay and Michael spend a weekend at a meditation retreat, although Michael isn't exactly a willing participant. And when it's over, Jay gives him the silent treatment.

Part 1 of two: The Kyles are vacationing in the Bahamas and Michael just wants to relax by the pool. Not likely. For starters, an annoying acquaintance shows up. Then Jr. and Vanessa fight because he wants to shirk his parental responsibilities. And Franklin's "archenemy," Franceso Mumfordi, is on the island.

Conclusion. Michael and Jay are stranded on a remote island with the annoying guy that Michael had blown off. Too bad: he's a survivalist, and he won't help them. Meanwhile, Claire discovers that there's alcohol in those Coco Mocos that she has been eating; Jr. takes "time off from my responsibilities" with his new friend, Dave; and Franklin confronts his "bubbleganger" (as Kady calls him), Francesco Mumfordi.

Jay decides that it's time to remodel the garage to make it more comfortable for the baby, and Michael decides to do the work himself. "It's the Garage Mahal to me," he says. Meanwhile, Kady wants to write Franklin a love letter but doesn't know what to say.

Michael can't fit into an old pair of jeans, so he starts dieting and heads to a gym. He's not fun to be around. Nor is Franklin, who has flunked an astrophysics exam.

Jay tells Michael that they'll only have sex "on a mental level" for six months because it will make their lovemaking more exciting when they resume. Michael is skeptical, to say the least. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady symbolize their love with a plant, and Jr. complains to Michael that Vanessa wants too much loving. "She's a sex machine," he tells his sex-starved dad.

Jr.'s cartoon, a thinly disguised version of "My Wife and Kids," attracts the interest of ABC, so Jr.---and his agent Michael---visit the network for a negotiating session. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can "bring some excitement" to their relationship.

Michael has a golf date at Pebble Beach and he's making a "masterpiece" of a sandwich to eat on the flight. But he keeps getting interrupted by various Kyle crises, and if he doesn't finish it fast, he'll miss the plane.

Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong as Jay gets ready for her college graduation, including a makeup mishap, a shrunken gown---and a black eye. Meanwhile, Franklin learns honesty is not always the best policy when Kady asks him if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat.

Michael dreams about "the Michael and Jay phase" of his life when he gets an offer to sell his business. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire squabble over the amount of time the other spends in the bathroom. Katt Williams returns as Michael's old nemesis Bobby Shaw.

It's vacation time again for the Kyles. The destination: the Grand Canyon. The mode of transport: Michael's new Wonder Van 6000. It'll be a bumpy ride.

In the series finale, Jay reads about a 67-year-old woman who gave birth, so she orders Michael to get a vasectomy. Not surprisingly, he has reservations. Meanwhile, Tony wants to do something "to get God's attention" at Bible camp, so he asks Claire to make him a hat. Tisha Campbell-Martin directed.