Binghamton is dealing with business when Carpenter comes in and tells him that he's received word that Admiral "Iron Pants" Rafferty is coming for a surprise inspection. The captain warns that everything is falling apart and takes his pills for his indigestion, and figures that someone else should face Rafferty. He realizes that he can appoint an acting base commander, and Carpenter figures that Binghamton is going to choose him. Binghamton wants McHale to take command because then he and his men will run wild and self-destruct in front of Rafferty. Carpenter calls in the medic and fails to catch Binghamton when the captain fakes a faint.
Later in the infirmary, a "sick" Binghamton is playing solitaire when McHale comes in. Binghamton gets into bed and when McHale and Parker arrive, Binghamton says that he's in bad shape. Parker manages to bring the mechanical bed up, and Carpenter reminds a furious Binghamton that he's sick. Binghamton tells McHale that he's appointing him acting base commander. McHale points out that he's a saltwater skipper, not a desk commander, and Binghamton appoints Parker his acting executive officer to help him.
Soon, McHale is in Binghamton's office trying to deal with crisis after crisis. Parker brings in the garter belts, assuming that they're slingshots, and McHale sends them to the nurses' quarters. However, Parker takes some of the calls and doesn't have much luck. Gruber comes in to congratulate McHale on his new job, and to ask permission for a party. McHale agrees on a phone line and Gruber assumes that he's talking to him. Once he leaves, Parker admits he has no idea what Gruber wanted.
Gruber returns to the boat and tells the crew that the party is on, and they bring out the signs and the girls. Binghamton watches from the infirmary and figures that everything is going according to plan. Carpenter says that Rafferty will arrive in a few minutes. Binghamton says that Lt. Wilson will be arriving at McHale's quarters in a few minutes.
Wilson arrives in McHale's office wearing a swimsuit and carrying a surfboard, and says that Binghamton sent her over to give McHale a break and take him for a swim. McHale realizes that something fishy is going on, and Parker receives word that Rafferty is on his way. Wilson doesn't understand, but McHale realizes that Binghamton has set him up. He tells Wilson to get into uniform and starts cleaning up, and hears the party outside.
McHale and Parker run out and McHale tells Gruber to turn off the music. He explains that Rafferty is on the way and everyone hides the party supplies. Rafferty's jeep arrives and McHale tells Parker to put the hulu girls into the air raid shelter. Once Parker does, he joins the men and they all snap to attention as Rafferty pulls up. McHale introduces himself and Rafferty says that he'll pay his respects to Binghamton before the inspection.
Binghamton is surprised that McHale is acting so professionally, but figures he'll send Rafferty to the air raid shelter. Wilson comes in, still wearing her swimsuit, and tells her that McHale couldn't go swimming. Rafferty is coming down the hall and Binghamton hides Wilson in the closet before getting back into bed. McHale, Parker, and Rafferty come in and Binghamton tells him to go over to the air raid shelter and see the hulu girls. McHale feigns ignorance and they get Binghamton a robe, and find Wilson in the closet. She storms out and Rafferty tells Binghamton to explain. Meanwhile, McHale sends Parker to get the hulu girls out of the air raid shelter.
The captain finally blames Carpenter, saying that he's a terrible person. Rafferty swears to get to the bottom of things after his inspection, and Binghamton begs Rafferty to check out the air raid shelter. The admiral orders Binghamton back to bed and leaves with McHale. He figures that Binghamton is suffering from battle fatigue, and McHale claims that Binghamton has been having hallucinations about girls. Despite that, Rafferty wants to see the air raid shelter first and McHale has no choice but to agree.
When they reach the air raid shelter, Rafferty figures that he should give Binghamton the benefit of the doubt. Parker is hiding in the bushes and gives McHale the high sign, and McHale is suddenly much more enthusiastic. Meanwhile, Parker and the hulu girls sneak away behind fake bushes. Binghamton sees them and runs to find Rafferty. However, the doctor and Wilson stop him and the doctor orders Binghamton back to bed. The tests show that Binghamton is suffering from hypertension, and the doctor has Binghamton confined to bed for his own goods. Binghamton starts ranting about McHale paying off the doctor, and the doctor yanks off his robe to keep him there.
Rafferty continues his inspection, satisfied. As they go to the motor pool, Parker takes the hulu girls into the base laundry that Rafferty just inspected.
Binghamton makes a loincloth out of a bedsheet and starts to sneak out, but then takes an ensign's uniform.
In the laundry, one of the girls--Talani--says that they've had enough and are leaving. Parker tells them to stay there until he makes sure the coast is clear.
Binghamton searches the bushes for the hulu girls, and sneaks up on Parker. Parker realizes who it is and denies that there are any other girls. Talani opens the laundry door and shoves her and Parker back in, locking the door. He then runs over to Rafferty and insists that there are hulu girls in the laundry. Rafferty humors him by looking into the laundry. McHale reminds Rafferty that they already looked inside, but Rafferty insists. When Binghamton opens the door, Parker and the women run out in full-body fire suits. Binghamton grabs the last one only and removes the helmet, only to discover that it's Parker. He reports that the fire drill was 100% successful, and Rafferty falls for it. He escorts Binghamton back to the hospital, assuring him that he's all right.
Back in the commander's office, McHale gets a letter from Binghamton. He thanks McHale for getting him sent to a beach to relax. McHale then sends Parker over to the petty officer's club to fix the sinks, handing him a plunger.
Written by Gadfly on Dec 12, 2016