At the base, the crew goes ashore for leave and Parker tells McHale that he doesn't feel like taking leave after a Japanese patrol boat got away. He blames himself for freezing, but McHale insists on buying him a beer.
Carpenter approaches Binghamton to ask for permission to blow up the tree stumps. The commander okays it, just as Parker and McHale come over. Parker panics when he hears the explosions, figuring that it's an attack. Binghamton accuses him of panicking, and McHale claims that he was instinctively trying to protect Binghamton. The commander doesn't buy it, and says that he's going to report that Parker is a coward. Once they leave, a delayed fuse goes off and Binghamton jumps into Carpenter's arms.
Later back on the island, McHale finds a depressed Parker on his bunk. He tells the ensign to snap out of it, but Parker admits that he's true just like Binghamton said. McHale admits that he's scared every time they go into action, and they all are. He says that soldiers have to think positive and attack instead of retreat, and gutsy is as gutsy does. Parker cheers up and offers to be there if McHale has any problems. McHale asks him to check the 73 out and check the #2 engine.
Out on the ocean, Parker jumps when Tinker taps him on the shoulder. Tinker asks if the engine is okay, and Parker says that the engine sounds good. He tells Christy to take it in, but Willy reports that there's an enemy sub on sonar. They spot it and Parker insists that it's a German U-Boat, and orders full ahead to attack. When Christy points out that the U-boat has a 5" gun, Parker insists that gutsy is as gutsy does and orders Gruber to fire two torpedoes. The torpedoes miss and blow up on the shore of a nearby island.
At base, Binghamton calls McHale in and points out that he called in the entire crew. McHale says that Parker took the 73 out to check the engine, and Binghamton says that McHale is responsible and included in the charges. He explains that Parker claimed he fired at a German U-boat and blew up an island, and the natives aren't happy. Binghamton doesn't want to hear excuses and orders them confined to quarters until the court-martial. Parker comes in and is shocked to learn that he's under arrest. He explains that he saw a U-boat and Binghamton figures that he's making up a phony story.
As Admiral Reynolds calls to talk to Binghamton, Parker tells McHale that he's sure he saw a U-boat. Meanwhile, Binghamton tells Reynolds about Parker claiming he saw a U-boat. Reynolds says that he tells Binghamton to give Parker a well-done, and tells Binghamton to have McHale sink the U-boat. Parker takes the phone and tries to thank Reynolds, and Binghamton quickly takes the phone back as McHale ushers Parker out.
On the docks, McHale tells the crew that they're going after the U-boat. Binghamton has put on his military gear and says that he's taking command of the mission personally. He's tired of McHale lucking into all of the glory, and the 73 heads out to the island where Parker spotted the U-boat. Binghamton insists that he's stick with Parker in case he gets lucky again, and they'll check one of two possible islands while McHale checks the other.
Binghamton, Parker, and Tinker go ashore on the first island and Binghamton goes ahead. He spots a German camp and immediately tries to run, but Parker insists on being brave. He goes on ahead and Binghamton shoves Tinker ahead of him. Parker and Tinker approach the camp and take out the two German soldiers: one at a table and the other dozing in his hammock. Binghamton comes up and tells Tinker to look around for the others, and then complains that Parker knocked out the German lieutenant so he can't interrogate him. Parker tries to interrogate him in pidgin German but doesn't have much luck. Tinker comes back and reports that there are Japanese soldiers on the beach.
Binghamton goes to investigate and spots the Japanese, and runs back and says that they have to get out. Parker insists that they have to think positive and that the others will be sitting ducks when they return. The German officer wakes up and Parker knocks him out. He and Tinker then don the German's uniforms, Parker posing as the officer. They tie Binghamton up and he's having second thoughts, and Parker says that they have to bluff it out and gags Binghamton.
The Japanese soldiers arrive and Parker fakes a conversation in German. he doesn't do well, and the Japanese captain, Lt. Yamasake, says that he speaks English. Yamasake wonders how Parker captured such an important officer, and Parker claims that he sunk Binghamton's ship but Binghamton cowardly surrendered. Satisfied, Yamasake says that his men are unloading the fuel and asks when the U-boat will be there. Parker tells him that there's been a change in plans and Yamasake should take his men back to their base, but Yamasake says that he has orders to stay. When Binghamton tries to object despite his gag, Parker slaps him. A lot.
The 73 come back and spot the Japanese soldiers. He has Christy take the 73 around the island and then they go in on foot. They find the German camp and realize that Parker and the others are trying to bluff their way out, just as the U-boat returns. McHale realizes that if the German soldiers reach the camp then they'll exposure the whole thing.
The German sub commander and his ensign come ashore and approach the cap. McHale and Gruber knock them out and McHale has Gruber don a uniform, and tells him to stall until he gives him the signal. he Hells the others to go back to the 73 and rustle up some depth charges, because they're going into the oil business.
At the German camp, Yamasake receives word that the U-boat has returned. Gruber arrives posing as the German commander, and secretly tells Parker that they have to stall. Parker tells Gruber to interrogate the prisoner, and he ends up bursting into song with Parker and Tinker.
On the crude dock, McHale and the others sneak in the depth charges among the fuel drums and disguise them as more fuel drums. McHale sends Virgil to signal the others. Gruber sees him and tells Yamasake to leave with the fuel. When Yamasake asks if they should take Binghamton with them and put him in a concentration camp, Gruber considers it but Parker says that they'll shoot him. Yamasake and his men leave, and Parker and the others take Binghamton to the waiting 73. They ungag Binghamton, who is furious that Parker slapped him. McHale and Gruber point out that Parker saved Binghamton's life, and if he's up on charges then he can't verify that Binghamton helped sink a U-boat. The timers on the depth charges go off, blowing up the German sub.
Later on the island, McHale offers a toast to their guests of honor, Parker, Gruber, and Tinker. They all toast in German, and Fuji cooks wiener schnitzel in Parker's honor, setting off another round of German singing.
Written by Gadfly on Dec 24, 2016