Ward Captain Leo Ramutka enters his home after a wake and is greeted by an
armored figure that fires a crossbow at him, killing him and literally pinning
him to his front door.
Carl hears in the police radio and goes to Ramutka’s house, where he hears that
“legend” Captain Vernon Rausch is in charge of the investigation. Carl gets
some basic information from the overly-chatty Rausch, including the fact a
crossbow was the murder weapon, but is soon lost in the Captain’s meandering
dialogue.
The next night, 10:20. Rolf Danver, real estate developer, is driving home and
pulls into his driveway when the same armored figure appears before him and
impales him through his front windshield with a jousting lance.
In a press conference Rausch denies a connection between the murders, and Carl
gets another reporter to ask a question as a distraction to get into Rausch’s
office and ask him a few private questions. Rausch (eventually) reveals Danvers
was killed with an ice pick…with a three-inch diameter. Carl believes the
murders are related despite Rausch’s (vague) denials. Carl then goes to see his
contact Pop Stenvold, a pawnshop owner and weapon expert. Stenvold offers to
identify the arrow in return for Carl documenting his long, boring biography.
The arrow is a bolt from a medieval crossbow that would require 300 psi to
crank and would be impossible to find in the modern-day. Pop reveals he’s in a
foul mood because of a social security worker and refuses to take money from
Carl – he’d rather have Carl do the biography.
Thursday night, Brewster Hocking, owner of the Canadian-American Leisure
Corporation, is at home in bed when he hears a clanking noise outside and calls
for his butler Charles. What comes in is an armored figure bearing a chained
mace which steps on a phone then crushes in Hocking’s skull.
At the Hydecker Museum, devoted to medieval antiquities, Carl arrives seeking
information as the caretaker Mendel Boggs is fighting with decorator Minerva
Musso. Minerva makes her exit and Boggs reveals how a soda pop company is
turning the museum into a discothèque and taken away much of the collection.
Boggs is dismissive of the picture’s quality but identifies it as a medieval
crossbow bolt. Carl notices that one suit of armor has a nearby empty quiver,
and that there is a crossbow capable of firing the bolts on the wall. He also
spots a mace.
At the morgue, Carl checks up on Brewster Hocking and the attendant reveals
nobody can make out what killed Hocking, but Carl suspects that a mace was
responsible. The next day, Carl gets a fake telegraph made up and goes to speak
with Hocking’s butler Charles Johnson. Carl claims Hocking contacted him and
they’re fraternal brothers. Carl manages to get to the bedroom and spots the
smashed phone. Carl’s bluff falls through and he gets out.
At the INS office, Carl wrecks his own phone to get a telephone repairman in
since the company won’t return his calls about how much pressure it would take
to destroy a phone. It takes 420 psi but the repairman realizes Carl sabotaged
his own phone and then starts pulling out various unauthorized bootleg phones,
much to Tony’s dismay. Carl reveals that he suspects Mendel Boggs since Hocking
was tied in with the company that was buying the Hydecker. He goes to see
Minerva in her apartment and after some initial confusion Carl gets to the
point about the Hydecker Museum. Minerva reveals that Boggs speaks poetry to
the suits of armor and waves weaponry around when he’s alone. She doesn’t know
Hocking but they’re interrupted by a clanking noise. Carl goes out and sees the
armored knight bust in. He locks the door and tries to barricade it but is
casually knocked aside into unconsciousness, covered in perfume. The knight
goes into the bathroom and cuts Minerva in half with a battle axe.
As Minerva is taken out, Rausch proceeds to interrogate the injured Carl and
tries to negotiate by giving Carl an exclusive. Carl figures out Rausch doesn’t
investigate but just gets information from contacts and newspapermen, but has
no choice but to tell Rausch that a knight killed Minerva. Carl reluctantly
tells Rausch his theory about Boggs. They go to the museum and Boggs denies
everything. The weapons are clean and the suit that Carl saw, which is at the
museum, doesn’t fit Boggs. Rausch apologies to Boggs and leaves, but Carl talks
to an angry Boggs. The armor belonged to a Black Cross knight but Boggs refuses
to say anything further.
Carl goes to visit a mom-and-pop Coat of Arms business and they try to sell him
on buying a distinguished Kolchak crest. Carl is more interested in tracking
down the heraldry of the shield he saw at the museum. The man identifies the
heraldry as belonging to the Mettancoeur family of Burgandy. The last of the
line, the Guy de Mettancoeur, ducked the Crusades and amassed a fortune by
killing women and children. Although his family dealt in wine, Guy hated human
pleasures and become a pariah in his own time. Mettancoeur consorted with
reputed wizards and had a reputation for invincibility. Carl goes through the
book and confirms the armor Mettancoeur wore is the same as at the museum.
Carl confirms that Hocking handled the Mettancoeur wine, then explains to
Vincenzo that Guy had an invulnerable suit of armor, and how he was slain by a
blessed axe blessed by Pope Gregory – the axe is at the museum as well. With
his last breath, Guy swore that music and human gaiety would never disturb his
resting place. Brewster and Minerva were responsible for turning the Hydecker
into a discothèque, and Ramutka and Danvers were dealing with the land issues.
Carl heads out declaring he’s going to get the story at the Hydecker come hell
or high water.
Carl breaks into the Hydecker and starts taking photos as he finds the
Mettancoeur armor is gone. He hears a clanking noise and takes cover as the
animated armor comes walking down the stairs. After it walks by, Carl starts
snapping photos, which naturally it notices. It picks up a javelin and Carl
ducks barely in time. Then the armor grabs a sword and goes after Carl, who
tries to grab a sword. Failing, eh plays duck-around-the-table, trips, and goes
flying. He manages to get to the case holding the blessed axe although the
knight steps on his camera. Carl throws another suit of armor at it long enough
to get the axe out. The suit cowers back and Carl manages to lift the
monstrosity enough to get in one good blow, then plant it on the ground so the
knight falls directly on it. Carl is left to consider all the explanations he’s
going to have to make.
Written by Gadfly on May 1, 2017