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Pittsburgh Recap

Robert is treating AJ to some breakfast at a restaurant, that according to him is famous for the pancakes. He goes onto say that everybody passing on the Pennsylvania Turnpike makes it a point to stop at this diner.

 

AJ isn't really listening; instead she's stuffing her face with pancakes, while looking at  some dog pictures on her iphone.

One  of the waitresses ends up standing nearby, and asks Robert if AJ ever takes a breath, to which he replies that she didn’t on the first plate.

 

The waitress, whose name tag reads Florence jokes that she is going to go and call ''America’s Got Talent''. As she's leaving, Robert tells Florence that  she is looking good, and she thanks him while saying that she’s back on Weight Watchers.

 

AJ asks  Robert again when they will get to Texas. Robert says that he has some questions himself like why AJ dresses like a boy. AJ asks him why he dresses like a girl, to which Robert replies that he is a performer and that’s how he makes a living.

 

Robert asks AJ if she wants to be a boy, to which AJ turns the question around and asks Robert if he wants to be a girl.

Robert answers that no, he doesn’t wanna be a girl.

 

AJ shrugs and confesses she doesn’t want to be a girl either.

 

Robert tells AJ that she can be whoever she wants to be around him because he has been told his whole life who he can and can’t be.

 

In her messy eating, AJ gets some raspberry sauce on his face, and Robert hands her a napkin, saying she needs to wipe it off.

 

AJ cleans  it up, but gets a bit angry at Robert, telling him to not tell her what to do because she's not her parent.

 

Robert agrees; that she’s not AJ’s mother, but a drag queen on a cross-country tour, so unless AJ is a pair of fake boobs or a roll of duct tape, she really doesn’t belong in the back of his RV.

 

Robert takes AJ’s phone away in order to ask her questions. The first being what her name even is.

 

AJ answers that her real name is Amber Jasmine because her mom named her after a stripper friend and a racist Disney cartoon.

 

Robert then asks  AJ how he can get in contact with  her mother.

 

AJ shrugs again and says she doesn’t know, but maybe if she puts a couple of oxys in his hand and holds it out, her mom will come running.

 

Robert  tells AJ he can’t take her to Texas. He says that while he appreciates her situation, he says that in the end he is not the fix here.

 

Robert instead, suggests taking AJ to the state police, which is down  off the turnpike, and have them help both of them figure out what’s best in this situation.

 

AJ says that sounds like shit, and instead tells Robert to take  her  to Texas, or she will tell the waitress that Robert touched her.

She taunts by saying how she's, “a little white girl. You’re a big black man. That’s not gonna go well for you".

 

Robert asks AJ what is wrong with her and tells AJ to go ahead and tell the waitress because  she knows him and would never believe her.

 

However, when AJ yells out “Miss! Miss, this man!” Robert admits that Florence doesn’t know him that well. Florence then asks AJ if she needs anything.

 

AJ says, “ I don’t know, do I?” and Robert says no, just the check cause they’ve gotta hit the road.

 

Robert tells AJ  that she is just like Chucky Doll but not as nice, and tells her that she will take AJ as far as his next gig in Pittsburg, but that this conversation isn’t over.

 

Robert then gives Florence a $10 tip, but  AJ tries to steal one of the $5 bill he left as  tips when Robert turns his back on her.

 

However, Robert takes it from AJ’s hand and puts it back on the table. AJ says that a $10 tip is too much and to just give her one buck; to which Robert points out that the woman is 60 years old, on her feet all day, and waiting on little psychopaths like AJ. He then goes onto say that ten is not nearly enough.

 

AJ ends up going to the bathroom, so Robert calls Louis, who tells Robert that he  is on a time crunch too since “Officer Muscles” arrives in an hour to get ready for the Lady Danger sting and he wants his face to be glowing.

 

Robert reminds him that the officer is coming to their apartment to  try to get a lead on his money, not to be Louis’ new boyfriend.

 

Louis points out that he spent $7.95 on the face peel he has on his face, so he can totally make that shit happen because he’s irresistible.

 

Robert reveals to Louis that AJ is actually a girl, but identifies as a boy. Or actually, Robert admits that he’s not sure where AJ is on the gender non-binary scale.

 

Louis tells Robert how it was so much much simpler when they were growing up. That there were just two choices. Either you were a sissy or a tomboy, and you were done. Robert tells his friend that you have to respect people’s gender issues.

 

He then goes onto tell his friend over the phone that the kid has no one looking out for her. Louis tells Robert to be strong because there are two types of people in the world.  Those that see a stray dog on the road and have to pick it up… And those that drive right on by.

 

When Robert asks Louis which one he is, Louis answers  by saying that Robert is the type that takes the dam dog to Texas.

 

Back in NYC, there’s a knock on Louis’ door, and he thinks it’s Old Lady Sweeney from next door, coming to get some quaker oats from them.

 

Robert tells Louis that he put them in the cabinet next to the Jenny  which Craig Louis pretends he can never find. Instead of Mrs. Sweeney, it turns out to be Officer Patrick Kennedy at the door, and Louis ends up panicking at not being ready.

 

Louis goes to the bathroom’s sink to wipe off the mask, but ends up not removing much of the mask.

 

Patrick explains to Louis that he came straight from the gym to his apartment as he didn’t see a point in going uptown, then back home. Hence why  he’s  earlier then Louis was expecting him.

 

Patrick then tells Louis that he has white shit smeared all over his face.

 

Back at the gas station, Robert takes his phone out and looks at pictures of him and Hector together. He starts deleting them shortly thereafter.

 

AJ then comes out of the convenience store, to which Robert asks if she stole anything from there. AJ says no, but Robert doesn’t believe her, and tells AJ to open up her jacket, which reveals 2 bags of twizzlers.

Robert takes them out and goes back to the store to return them, but  AJ calls him a sucker when he leaves since she still had one hidden in her back.

 

As Robert is driving, AJ falls asleep. Robert puts on one of his Oprah show tapes to listen to, and AJ wakes up some time later. She insults Oprah when she wakes up from her nap, by calling her Oatmeal.

 

Robert warns her that there are two things that are gonna get her put out on the side of the road; stealing any more of his shit and  saying anything bad about Oprah.

 

He explains that the woman is his lifeline because it’s the only way he will come back from this disaster. AJ calls Hector an asshole after Robert tells her that he thought Hector and him were in love, but he just used him.

 

She then begins to freak out when she can’t find her phone; realizing that Robert left it at the table they were eating at earlier.

 

She yells out to go back and turn around, but Robert says no because they are two hours away from that diner and he’d be late for his show.

 

Robert calls the diner, and speaks with Florence, explaining that he was in the diner  eating pancakes.

 

Florence tells Robert that he will keep it safe until they can pick it up the next day.

 

AJ and Robert finally arrive in Pittsburgh, and AJ explains that he learned two things  on their way there: “that America has a lot of mattress factories, and life sucks even more without a phone.”

 

They arrived a little after six into a dumpster fire called the Pittsburgh Pipeline. Robert tells AJ that she’s going to love Pittsburgh because everyone here is so friendly. It’s like going back in time to the 80’s.

 

Magda is one of the Pittsburgh queens who is the first to greet Robert, and is surprised that he’s “with child”. He jokes that he knew closing down those Planned Parenthood clinics would create a problem. But then Robert laughs and the two hug and air kiss.

 

Robert calls her one of Pittsburgh’s finest queens. Magda asks Robert if she’s still pretty, and all Robert says is “well..”

 

Edie is another one of the local Pittsburgh Queens, who's further in the back  tucking, and chimes into the conversation by saying that it tells you a lot about the Pittsburgh scene if Magda is one of the so called finest queens. Robert then tells Edie, that perhaps it would be a good idea to not tuck her junk in front of a minor. Edie jokes by saying that there are no miners in Pennsylvania, no matter what the president promised. Robert introduces her to AJ by saying that Edie used to be pretty.

 

Alma Joy is the third queen at the Pipeline, who comes in out of drag, and was just about to say something to Magda and Edie, but notices Robert is there too. So instead he shuts up and goes to his make up station. AJ asks Robert what Alma’s problem is. Robert introduces her as Alma Joy, and says that she may have a couple of nuts, but there is no joy.

 

He goes onto explain that two of them had a little… situation a long time ago, and she’s never forgiven Ruby for it.

 

In a flashback, Alma is dressed as Tina Turner, but so is Ruby. Alma accuses Ruby of knowing that she was going to dress up as Tina Turner for the number, but  Ruby says it’s more like Teeny Turner.

 

Alma yells out, “I’m the better Tina Turner, bitch!” and throws a lamp whose glass smashes against the wall.

 

Ruby asks her, “how are you the better Tina Turner, bitch? You’re white!”.

 

Alma tells Ruby that doesn’t mean shit, since Ruby als does Cher.

 

To which Ruby yells out that “Cher’s not white. Cher is everything!”Ruby manages to get out on stage first lyp syncing to Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary” but Alma  also gets on the stage and begins to perform the same number.

 

Ruby tries to outdo her, and the stage is unable to take both of them on the stage, and subsequently collapses. Alma Joy  and Ruby both fall on the floor, but Ruby is the first  to get up, and resumes singing.

 

In the present, Robert goes to Alma’s makeup station telling the other drag queen it’s good to see her. But Alma ends up playing aloof, asking Robertif they have met.

 

Robert asks Alma if Michelle Obama has taught them nothing because she can’t seem to take the high road.

 

Alma says she is surprised to see Ruby all the way out  in the sticks, but admits that she probably knows all about sticks because she has that big one stuck up in her ass.

 

Magda chimes in, telling Alma that she’s making that sound like it’s a bad thing.

 

Edie then tells Ruby that there are burgers in the bar, and asks her if she’s hungry. AJ answers instead, saying that she is hungry and to take her there. Edie finds that funny and tells AJ to follow her, and as they leave, Edie tells Ruby  and the other two queens that this is the first kid she’s met that is a top.

 

Magda then asks what the tea is on the toddler. Robert explains that AJ’s mother is a hooker and a drug addict.

 

Magda says she’s jealous.

 

Robert continues by saying that the mom is apparently MIA, so the kid stowed away in his  RV, and he is trying to figure out what’s best here.

 

He says how he can’t just leave an orphan on the side of the road. Alma chimes in  by telling Robert that he’s like Angelina Jolie in a sarcastic tone.

 

Irritated, Robert decides to go to his make up in his RV saying that this room is more tense than a kitty cat in a box full of cucumbers.

 

Later, Robert finishes doing his makeup, and is looking for his phone but can’t find it. He thinks AJ stole it, so  he goes through her bag, which has a stack of birthday cards from her Pop Pop held together by a rubber band,  and a Princess Jasmine doll hidden inside a white tube sock.

 

AJ walks into the RV and tells Robert to not touch her stuff. Robert explains that he was looking for his phone, and asks AJ where it is.

 

AJ tells Robert that he doesn’t have his freaking phone, and the phone rings from the RV’s floor. She tells Robert that she wasn’t hiding the Princess Jasmine doll, but protecting it.

 

Then when Robert asks her what’s wrong with being a girl, she says that, “girls always do what people ask them to. Even… If they don’t want to.”

 

Robert tries to tell AJ that not all girls do that because some of them learn how to draw boundaries.

 

Back in the club, Magda performs her number and right as she’s being cheered on when the number is over, the bride-to be- retches on the stage.

Magda grabs the last of the tips and quickly gets backstage.

 

Backstage, Robert comes clean to Alma, by telling her about how she’s not going to have a new club because the man he was in love with,  scammed him out of his money and took off. He goes onto tell Alma that he will only have what he’ll make on this tour to live on. Robert admits that he’s embarrassed and devastated. The two finally make up  after all these years.

 

Robert then tells Alma to put someone else on before Ruby, because tonight he's going for a smaller demographic.

 

Back in New York, Lady Danger shows up to Louis apartment, and Officer Patrick is there dressed in drag calling himself “Stephanie”.

 

Later, Officer Patrick on Louis’ cell phone calls Robert and tells him that he has been grifted. As it turns out, Damien and Lady Danger target older drag queens with cash because they’re an easy mark since they’re mostly all alone and desperate for someone to love them.

 

Office Patrick reveals that he got Lady Danger to turn in Damien and she even gave up his address.

 

So now, they will book him for grand larceny and her for the  52 unpaid parking tickets.

 

Back in Pittsburg, Edie asks Alma if she will give the CD to Donny in the sound booth.  She says she would, but that he still hasn’t forgiven her for that time she roofied him.

 

As Ruby is coming to get on the stage, Alma tells her that half the audience wasn’t even born when ''The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'' was on Broadway.

 

She then asks Ruby why she’s even doing a number they used to do in the old show.

 

Edie calls Ruby her second favorite ginger; the first one being herself.

 

Instead of performing her crowd pleaser, Ruby performs “Girl, You're a Woman” with Alma’s help.

 

In New York City, AJ’s mom gives a blow job to a guy and then walks out of the car and then ends up propositioning a cop.

 

Brianna tries to run, but ends up dropping her phone on the side of the road and gets arrested.

 

Back in the RV that's still in Pittsburgh, AJ cuts off her hair really short.

 

When Ruby gets back on the RV, she sees that AJ has cut her hair, and asks her why she did that.

 

AJ says she’s not like him because she doesn’t want to be pretty.

 

Robert sighs, and makes  room for AJ in his RV.

 

Meanwhile, back in New York, Damien is doing pull ups in his apartment when the police come knocking on his door.

He tells the girl on his bed to not open the door in spanish, and gets out the window, with  just his black underwear on and shoes on. The rest of his clothes he’s holding onto  as he runs out.

 

Back in Pittsburg, Rober is sleeping, and dreams that Damien kisses and caresses him.

 

Louis calls Robert once he’s awake and looks quite scared. He explains that Damien was just at his apartment, and he opened the door thinking it was Old Lady Sweeney, but it ended up being Damien, who he just refers to as The Devil.

 

Louis goes onto say that Damien had put his hands all over him, and that he was manhandled, but not in the fun way.

 

He says he’s okay, but a bit shook up because Damien was there with Lady Danger, and the two wanted to know where Robert is.

 

Louis tells Robert in the video call, that he did not tell them anything. But inadvertently reveals Robert’s whereabouts when Robert sees that Damien is still in the apartment.

 

Damien then rips the phone from Louis’ hands and asks Robert why he couldn’t just leave it alone, and  taunts him by saying that he couldn’t take it like man, so he went crying to the cops instead.

 

Damien tells Robert that he really screwed up his life, and so now he’s gonna come down there and screw up his pretty face.

 

Lady Danger then takes the phone and tells Robert that she made a big mistake, girl and promises to see her soon.

 

Scared, Robert asks AJ what they should do since Damien is coming for him now. AJ tells him that they need to get the F out of Pittsburg.

 

Still reeling for  the video call, Robert talks about how his face is his second favorite body part while unknowingly driving on the wrong side of the street until AJ points it out.

 

They make it back to the diner and Robert takes a few seconds to breathe to calm down.

 

When they go inside, Robert sees that Lady Danger and Damien are sitting in one of the booths eating breakfast.

AJ tells Robert that she’ll go get her phone and that it’s okay because they don’t know her and she was built for this shit.

 

Florence gives back the phone to AJ, who leaves behind a $1 bill as a tip for her before she leaves.

 

In the booth, Lady Dangers tells Damien not to take his anger out on her because she only gave the cops his mother’s address. His own mother is the one that turned him in. Damien says that his mom is still pissed that he never got her that lap band.

 

AJ walks out with a knife from the restaurant hidden in his pocket.

 

As one car pulls out, Damien’s red car is there parked.

 

Robert thinks it looks like it belongs to a pimp.

 

AJ then takes out the knife she stole from the restaurant, and uses it to pierce through all four tires. She tells Robert it’s payback even after Robert tells her to stop because Damien really loves that car.

 

The two get back on the RV undetected by Damien or Lady Danger, and AJ yells out that they should go before they get out.

 

However, just as they pull out, they get hit by a green car who should not have been pulling out at the same time.

 

Written by AgentRose07 on Jan 26, 2020

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