Season 5 - Episode Guide

The Bundys decide to go for a drive--on Labor Day. They spend the better part of the holiday sitting in traffic, arguing with one another, and picking fights with neighboring motorists.

Al and Kelly feign illness to avoid going to Wanker County with Peg and Bud. Al looks forward to his quiet and peaceful weekend, until Kelly gets sick.

Bud's new driver's license portends bumper cars on the roadway. When bud t-bones a Mercedes, Al sees an opportunity to clean up in court. At least he has hope. Losing his lawsuit hurt but what he goes through to payoff the settlement is truly painful.

Al is cut from the neighborhood softball team just before the big game. When his all-star replacement is knocked out in the last inning, however, his team and family have to come crawling back.

Peggy goes out dancing with Marcy, and becomes taken with a handsome man-about-town named Andy. At home, however, Al gets confronted by Andy's wife, Pete.

Now an aspiring model, Kelly invents a maneuver called "The Bundy Bounce" for her first audition as spokesperson for the new Allente car. But Bud's big mouth gives the idea to another model, so Kelly must take things into her own hands and remove the competition. Meanwhile, Peggy goes on a strike with housework because Al think's she's useless.

After Al returns home from work with a bump on the head, he sees (or thinks he sees) six little green aliens coming down to Earth and stealing his smelly socks to use as fuel for their spaceships. The only problem is no one sees them but Al, so everyone think's he's crazy when he tells others that he saw them.

Al decides to grow a vegetable garden, but soon faces off against an all-out war with a rabbit who steals his carrots and other vegetables.

When Al moves a sofa off a neighbor's lawn without a shirt on, he unexpectedly gains a reputation as a "stud" among the neighborhood women. Uplifted, he starts taking showers and wearing elegant clothes, and his performance at work improves dramatically, as does his popularity with the ladies. Needless to say, Peggy is both jealous and unsettled - her husband is acting very unlike-Al.

Tired of Al escorting her dates out through the doorway, "grown-up" Kelly gets her own apartment.

After Al's bachelor uncle dies, he leaves $500,000 to the first of his relatives to produce a newborn baby named after him. Al overcomes his usual aversion to sex with Peg. Unknown to him, she is secretly staying on the pill, to keep Al wanting sex with her, and having decided that no amount of money is worth going through pregnancy a third time.

After a drinking binge at a bankers party, Marcy reveals herself to be married to a mysterious hunk named Jefferson D'Arcy, whom Al finds out to be a gigolo and con artist. To make Marcy feel better to this unexpected change in her life, Peggy decides to throw a formal wedding ceremony for Marcy and Jefferson in the Bundy's back yard, in which nothing goes a planned.

Al becomes the boss of the neighborhood after Kelly starts dating an influential city councilman.

Told from the point of view of Buck, he runs away from the house feeling neglected. Behind a diner, he picks up a female dog, whom he brings home. He quickly regrets it, as the new dog gets all the attention from Bud and Kelly. Meanwhile, Al is obsessed with getting a taste of his favorite cherry cheesecake from a restaurant in Wisconsin.

Peg takes an interior design course and her first assignment is to redecorate one room in her house. Unfortunately for Al, she chooses his spare bathroom.

When a second floor aerobics studio, full of terribly overweight women, collapses into the shoe store, Al is laid off while the store is being repaired. Al then gets a night job as a security guard at his old high school, Polk High. This prompts his former high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, to steal his prized trophy which leads to a brutal showdown.

Al is haunted by a tune on the radio he can hum but not name, and he gets no help from Peggy or the D'Arcy's. Al similarly haunts Kelly's new boyfriend, Vinnie Verducci, the son of his fellow lowlife friend, Charlie Verducci, when Al warns Vinnie to only look and not touch, which is not easy for Vinnie.

Al forgoes giving money to Bud for a class trip to Washington DC in order to give to Kelly who's going to an audition for the Miss Weenie Tot spokesperson. When Kelly lands the spot, Al gets a year's supply of his favorite mock food: Weenie Tots. But since uncooked tots rapidly disintegrate upon contact with the air, Peggy manages to spoil every single box while searching for a winning lottery ticket. When Al discovers that he's not eligible for the lottery money since Kelly is now an employee of the Weenie Tot Company, he asks Marcy and Jefferson to accept the money for him.

Al and Peggy go over to watch a video at Marcy and Jefferson's house and proceed to take over the place. Meanwhile, Bud and Kelly seek gainful jobs for themselves, but only Bud gains with his first girlfriend, while Kelly babysits a family of seven kids from Hell.

Al Bundy's childhood pal, Charlie Verducci, and the guy's dumb son Vinnie, attend a high society fund raiser in this pilot for the short-lived TV series, 'Top of the Heap.'

Al cannot afford to buy an air conditioner for the hot summer. After an attempt to install an old experimental model, (which results in a neighborhood blackout) Al moves his family into the local supermarket. After a while, they are told by the manager to buy something otherwise they will be sent to the county jail. Al decides to purchase a stick of gum and as he approaches the checkout line, sees Marcy. He decides to cut in front of Marcy and becomes the one millionth customer winning a shopping spree worth $1,000.

The Bundys and Darcys shop 'til they drop to see who will win $1000 in groceries. Needless to say, Marquis of Queensbury rules will not apply.

While on their way to Los Angeles for a "Shoe Convention," the Bundy's car breaks down in the small town of Lucifer, New Mexico where they meet an old prospector who gives them a map to an old gold mine in the area in exchange for their car. They phone Marcy and Jefferson who come to the rescue, thinking that the kids are dying. But it turns out that Al and Peggy want their money for the mine deal. Then the six of them go off in search for the gold...

Al, Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Jefferson, and Marcy find the gold mine in the desert. Al discovers the first gold nugget and everyone but the feeble-minded Kelly winds up with a bag full of gold. Al and Peggy have two separate fantasies of how to spend it. But after three days of digging, it's revealed that they're stuck in a tourist attraction seeded with fools gold for the tourists to find. The Bundys and D'Arcys aren't pleased with this turn of events, until they notice the gold watches, rings, and earrings the tourists are wearing...

A man offers the Bundy's $10,000 if Buck will breed with his champion dog, Lady Bird. So, Al has to coach Buck into knowing the varieties of breeding with other dogs the proper way. But needless to say it goes wrong and Al is stuck with the bill. Meanwhile, Kelly becomes Bud's fashion counselor and dresses him up in medieval costumes.