Season 5 - Episode Guide

Part 1. Michael is obsessed with the prospect of going one-on-one with Michael Jordan at a Las Vegas basketball fantasy camp. Wayne Newton has a cameo in the episode, in which the entire Kyle klan joins Michael in Vegas.

Michael goes one-on-one with Michael Jordan in the conclusion of a two-part visit to Las Vegas. Rev. Al Sharpton also has a cameo as a minister at an all-night wedding chapel; Alan Thicke plays a magician who makes Jr. disappear (but can't bring him back); and Dom Irrera plays a hotel waiter whom Michael tips (exorbitantly) to show him Jordan's suite.

Jr. and Vanessa insist that Michael and Jay attend a child-care class for grandparents. Not surprisingly, it doesn't go well for Michael, who gets into a diaper-changing contest with Calvin.

Michael and Jay's high-school reunion is coming up, but Michael wants none of it. Then he's challenged to a "dance-off" by an old break-dancing rival, who also happens to be the first guy ever to have kissed Jay. Meanwhile, bullies target Franklin, so he devises a secret weapon.

All of a sudden, Jr. becomes really smart. All he has to do is touch his newborn son. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking in late and blackmails her.

Jr. invites Jay to Michael's weekly poker game. The other guys don't like it. Meanwhile, Kady's beginning to resent Jr. Jr. for taking the "baby" spotlight away from her.

Kyle-on-Kyle karaoke: Jay's Diana Ross vs. Michael's James Brown. Meanwhile, Jr. wants to propose to Vanessa, but he can't get a chance to do it.

Jay opens a soul-food restaurant on the same block as a Chinese restaurant owned by the very aggressive Annie Hoo. A food fight soon breaks out.

Jr. wants to be a rapper, so he enrolls in a "rapcademy" that Michael eyes suspiciously. MC Lyte, Flavor Flav, Kool Moe D and Special Ed guest star. Meanwhile, Jay talks Claire into going to her yoga class. She'll regret it. Bobby Shaw: Katt Williams.

Jr. and Vanessa set a date for their wedding, with the Kyles planning an elaborate one that might have made a royal couple blanch. This does not please the bride-to-be. Meanwhile, Kady's gaydar tells her something about Claire's boyfriend, Tony.

Jay notices the attention Jr. is lavishing on Vanessa and decides that Michael's ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin decides he's too short, when he can't meet a roller coaster's height requirement.

Jr. turns Michael on to foosball and no one can turn him off---and an extremely annoying "foosaholic" Michael turns out to be. Who can stop him? "El Foosay" (Franklin), a recovering foosaholic himself.

Jay's psychology professor doesn't like her. Bad news, considering that the final's coming up. Also bad news is Michael's determination to be her "study buddy." Meanwhile, Kady fears that Franklin's interested in another girl, a fellow brainiac named Emerson (after Ralph Waldo).

It's "Sweetheart's Day" at the Kyle household. That means presents for the ladies (Jay insists on it). So Michael devises a plan to determine how much to spend. Of course, it gets him into trouble.

Jay and Michael spend a weekend at a meditation retreat, although Michael isn't exactly a willing participant. And when it's over, Jay gives him the silent treatment.

Part 1 of two: The Kyles are vacationing in the Bahamas and Michael just wants to relax by the pool. Not likely. For starters, an annoying acquaintance shows up. Then Jr. and Vanessa fight because he wants to shirk his parental responsibilities. And Franklin's "archenemy," Franceso Mumfordi, is on the island.

Conclusion. Michael and Jay are stranded on a remote island with the annoying guy that Michael had blown off. Too bad: he's a survivalist, and he won't help them. Meanwhile, Claire discovers that there's alcohol in those Coco Mocos that she has been eating; Jr. takes "time off from my responsibilities" with his new friend, Dave; and Franklin confronts his "bubbleganger" (as Kady calls him), Francesco Mumfordi.

Jay decides that it's time to remodel the garage to make it more comfortable for the baby, and Michael decides to do the work himself. "It's the Garage Mahal to me," he says. Meanwhile, Kady wants to write Franklin a love letter but doesn't know what to say.

Michael can't fit into an old pair of jeans, so he starts dieting and heads to a gym. He's not fun to be around. Nor is Franklin, who has flunked an astrophysics exam.

Jay tells Michael that they'll only have sex "on a mental level" for six months because it will make their lovemaking more exciting when they resume. Michael is skeptical, to say the least. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady symbolize their love with a plant, and Jr. complains to Michael that Vanessa wants too much loving. "She's a sex machine," he tells his sex-starved dad.

Jr.'s cartoon, a thinly disguised version of "My Wife and Kids," attracts the interest of ABC, so Jr.---and his agent Michael---visit the network for a negotiating session. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can "bring some excitement" to their relationship.

Michael has a golf date at Pebble Beach and he's making a "masterpiece" of a sandwich to eat on the flight. But he keeps getting interrupted by various Kyle crises, and if he doesn't finish it fast, he'll miss the plane.

Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong as Jay gets ready for her college graduation, including a makeup mishap, a shrunken gown---and a black eye. Meanwhile, Franklin learns honesty is not always the best policy when Kady asks him if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat.

Michael dreams about "the Michael and Jay phase" of his life when he gets an offer to sell his business. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire squabble over the amount of time the other spends in the bathroom. Katt Williams returns as Michael's old nemesis Bobby Shaw.

It's vacation time again for the Kyles. The destination: the Grand Canyon. The mode of transport: Michael's new Wonder Van 6000. It'll be a bumpy ride.

In the series finale, Jay reads about a 67-year-old woman who gave birth, so she orders Michael to get a vasectomy. Not surprisingly, he has reservations. Meanwhile, Tony wants to do something "to get God's attention" at Bible camp, so he asks Claire to make him a hat. Tisha Campbell-Martin directed.