'Allo 'Allo! - Episode Guide

Season 1

The Fallen Madonna

Episode: 1x01 | Airdate: Sep 7, 1984

Rene Artois, owner of the Cafe Rene in the French village of Nouvion, is 'persuaded' by the Resistance to hide two escaping British airmen. Rene is more interested in having affairs with his two waitresses without his wife finding out.

Pigeon Post

Episode: 1x02 | Airdate: Sep 14, 1984

The Colonel & the Captain mull over their situation and decide they should probably hand over René and the painting to the Gestapo in order to get rid of Herr Flick. But René convinces them that they could hand over a forged copy of the painting instead (with the assistance of a conveniently-located forger), and gets them to lend their uniforms to the escaping British officers so the Brits can take the painting to England to be forged.

Saville Row to the Rescue

Episode: 1x03 | Airdate: Sep 21, 1984

After the Colonel´s and the Captain´s uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they will have to send for replacement uniforms. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.

The Execution

Episode: 1x04 | Airdate: Sep 28, 1984

The Colonel & the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the Cafe until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway

The Funeral

Episode: 1x05 | Airdate: Oct 5, 1984

Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, LeClerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means - René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

Red Nick's Colonel

Episode: 1x06 | Airdate: Oct 19, 1984

René tries to go back to his normal life after his fake execution, posing as his twin brother, also named René, but the funeral arrangements are difficult when there is no body, Monsieur LeClerc is cheaper than the regular priest and the coffin is filled with anti-tank bombs.

The Dance of the Hitler Youth

Episode: 1x07 | Airdate: Oct 26, 1984

The communist résistance wants to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnaps the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René´s twin brother René, so that he can shoot them.

Season 2

Six Big Boobies

Episode: 2x01 | Airdate: Oct 21, 1985

After the British airmen are gone for good - or so René thinks - there is still the problem of Herr Flick owning all three copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (one original and two fakes), and while Herr Flick kidnaps Lieutenant Gruber (a former art house worker), the Colonel and the Captain start to plan their next move.

The Wooing of Widow Artois

Episode: 2x02 | Airdate: Oct 28, 1985

René is caught in a dilemma when he must choose between the women he loves: his waitresses Yvette and Marie, and his wife Edith, who as his widow has all his money. Unfortunately he cannot bring himself to woo Edith again, so Edith seeks the attention that she can get, from other suitors in town.

The Policeman Cometh

Episode: 2x03 | Airdate: Nov 4, 1985

We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escape being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch disappointedly, the plane does not land, instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package. The other yields Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters" - disguised a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not... Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag - Rene can't find anyone to blow up the train.

Swiftly and with Style

Episode: 2x04 | Airdate: Nov 11, 1985

Rene and Captain Hans Geering in their borrowed armoured car are ambushed by the Resistance who mistake them for an ammunition convoy. Monsieur Alfonse feels sufficiently encouraged to propose marriage to Edith, Rene's wife.

The Duel

Episode: 2x05 | Airdate: Nov 18, 1985

Monsieur Alfonse and Rene are to duel with pistols over the hand of Edith. Meanwhile, Hitler has discovered that there was no painting inside the Knockwurst consigned to him and has ordered the Colonel's arrest.

Herr Flick's Revenge

Episode: 2x06 | Airdate: Nov 25, 1985

The Colonel, Captain and Rene are captured by the Gestapo and taken to the dungeons of the chateau where they are interrogated by Herr Flick.

The Gateau from the Chateau

Episode: 2x07 | Airdate: Dec 26, 1985

General Von Klinkerhoffen has taken personal control of the district. The Resistance decide that their operations will be inhibited by the General's presence and so decree that he must be blown up. The Colonel comes to a similar conclusion, deciding on poison, while Herr Flick is no longer prepared to tolerate the General's interference and elects to terminate the General's appointment with a poisoned dart.

Season 3

The Nicked Knockwurst

Episode: 3x01 | Airdate: Dec 5, 1986

Rene is ordered to steal a Vintage plane; the Communist Resistance steals the Fallen Madonna and Rene is ordered to pay the ransom.

Gruber Does Some Mincing

Episode: 3x02 | Airdate: Dec 12, 1986

Monsieur Alfonse gets his money back - or does he? Gruber reveals the Fallen Madonna is a forgery - or is it? Rene still has to steal a vintage plane - but can he?

The Sausage in the Wardrobe

Episode: 3x03 | Airdate: Dec 19, 1986

With Maria and the Fallen Madonna caught by Von Klinkerhoffen , a brave rescue attempt is planned. In fact, three brave rescue attempts!

The Flight of Fancy

Episode: 3x04 | Airdate: Dec 26, 1986

In order to get the airmen back to Blighty Rene and co disguise themselves as roadworkers, but as usual it all ends in a right nause-up.

Pretty Maids All in a Row

Episode: 3x05 | Airdate: Jan 2, 1987

Von Klinkerhoffen requisitions a worthless painting from the cafe, in which Rene has hidden the Fallen Madonna, and Michelle plans to find uniforms for the airmen.

The Great Un-Escape

Episode: 3x06 | Airdate: Jan 9, 1987

Gruber is knee-deep in the forgeries he has to make and Rene is knee-deep in a tunnel as part of his quest to find the British airmen their uniforms.

Season 4

Hans Goes Over the Top

Episode: 4x01 | Airdate: Nov 7, 1987

Rene and co are still stuck in a German POW camp. A series of desperate escape plans is instigated - with only partial success.

Camp Dance

Episode: 4x02 | Airdate: Nov 14, 1987

Join Rene and co where they were left last week, escaping from a German POW camp dressed as girls from the Folies-Berge¨re....

Good Staff Are Hard to Find

Episode: 4x03 | Airdate: Nov 21, 1987

The Resistance supply a new waitress for Cafe René, and Mussolini sends an Italian liaison officer to work with the Colonel.

The Flying Nun

Episode: 4x04 | Airdate: Nov 28, 1987

Herr Flick suspects the Colonel and General Von Klinkerhoffen of plotting to assassinate Hitler. René and co attempt to establish radio contact with England using an oversized kite and an undersized nun.

The Sausage in the Trousers

Episode: 4x05 | Airdate: Dec 5, 1987

General Von Klinkerhoffen arrests Irma von Kinkenrotten (aka Herr Flick). Meanwhile René is inundated with sausages containing paintings, batteries, dynamite ... and garlic.

The Jet-Propelled Mother-in-Law

Episode: 4x06 | Airdate: Dec 12, 1987

Colonel Von Klinkerhoffen visits the local vineyards for a wine-tasting, where the Resistance provides him with a very special vintage and throws in an exploding wheelchair for good measure.

Season 5

Desperate Doings in the Dungeons

Episode: 5x01 | Airdate: Sep 3, 1988

Helga and Von Smallhausen rescue Herr Flick from prison where he is being held (disguised as stenographer Irma Von Kinkenrotten ) by General Von Klinkerhoffen. Rene is forced to assist - who else, after all, can masquerade as Heinrich Himmler, head of the Gestapo?

The Camera in the Potato

Episode: 5x02 | Airdate: Sep 10, 1988

Once Rene has been rescued from prison (disguised as stenographer Irma Von Kinkenrotten) and Mimi has stolen the colonel's film (while he is being distracted by Yvette with some wet celery) and Michelle of the Resistance has delivered the secret camera (disguised as a potato), all that remains for Rene to do is to find Gruber's bedroom and photograph the safe containing the plans for the German invasion of England!

Dinner with the General

Episode: 5x03 | Airdate: Sep 17, 1988

Rene's photograph of the safe in Gruber's bedroom (containing the plans for the German invasion of England) is identified by Leclerc as a Kaisenhoff Rosenbaum Swartzburger 16-Lever Multi-Counter Mark Three. Leclerc and Rene are to blow the safe; Edith is to create a diversion by dropping a smoke cannister down Gruber's chimney. Now, was it the third or the fourth chimney counting from the west?

The Dreaded Circular Saw

Episode: 5x04 | Airdate: Sep 24, 1988

Rene and Leclerc manage to crack open the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's bedroom - but instead of the plans for the invasion of England, they find the original Fallen Madonna by VAN CLOMP , and the Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by VAN GOGH. After borrowing Gruber's uniform, they escape with the paintings, only to be taken prisoner by the Communist Resistance. Edith's rescue attempt, using Gruber's tank, is thwarted by the town convenience.

Enter Denise

Episode: 5x05 | Airdate: Oct 1, 1988

Rene is about to suffer foul torture at the hands of Denise Laroque, former lion tamer and now the feared leader of the Communist Resistance, when his strawberry-shaped birthmark is accidentally revealed. She immediately recognises Rene as her long-lost childhood sweetheart and vows to marry him at the earliest opportunity. It seems the last man to turn her down was thrown off the Eiffel Tower....

A Marriage of Inconvenience

Episode: 5x06 | Airdate: Oct 8, 1988

Rene's marriage to Denise Laroque, the feared leader of the Communist Resistance, has been arranged - much to the dismay of Edith, his waitresses and, not least, Lt Gruber. As the wedding day looms ever nearer, various plans are laid to save him from his fate.

Post-Matrimonial Depression

Episode: 5x07 | Airdate: Oct 15, 1988

Disguised as his father, Rene seeks protection from the wrath of Denise Laroque.

The Coming of the Long Distance Duck

Episode: 5x08 | Airdate: Oct 22, 1988

A threat to Edith's life and General Von Klinkerhoffen 's forthcoming meeting to discuss the invasion plans bring Rene out in little lumps.

Watch the Birdie

Episode: 5x09 | Airdate: Oct 29, 1988

With the special apparatus supplied by the Resistance and a diversion created by Edith, Rene sets about photographing the invasion plans.

René Under an Assumed Nose

Episode: 5x10 | Airdate: Nov 5, 1988

When orders are given for Rene to be arrested and shot, Monsieur Leclerc produces some of his best work with explosive results.

The Confusion of the Generals

Episode: 5x11 | Airdate: Nov 12, 1988

Rene, reprieved, heaves a sigh of relief - until, that is, General Von Klinkerhoffen reconvenes the meeting of the generals to discuss the invasion of England.

Who's for the Vatican

Episode: 5x12 | Airdate: Nov 19, 1988

A medal for bravery, a suicide pill and a hide-out in the Vatican introduce an old habit to Rene.

Ribbing the Bonk

Episode: 5x13 | Airdate: Nov 26, 1988

Rene and Leclerc escape from the Communist Resistance.

The Reluctant Millionaires

Episode: 5x14 | Airdate: Dec 3, 1988

When it is revealed that the one million francs stolen from the bank belong to Herr Flick of the Gestapo, the best place to hide them seems to be down Rene's trousers.

A Duck for Launch

Episode: 5x15 | Airdate: Dec 10, 1988

Rene has succeeded in getting rid of the stolen Gestapo money and, using the long-distance duck, he should be able to get rid of the microfilm containing the German plans for the invasion of England. But what can he do with the nymphomaniac Communist Resistance girls hiding in his cupboard?

The Exploding Bedpan

Episode: 5x16 | Airdate: Dec 17, 1988

While under interrogation, Alfonse's dicky ticker starts playing up and he is whisked to hospital. He must be either rescued or eliminated before he can spill the beans about the stolen Gestapo money.

Going Like a Bomb

Episode: 5x17 | Airdate: Dec 24, 1988

A new bold, daring crackbrained plan to get the British airmen back to England is hatched by Michelle and Crabtree; the Colonel and Lt Gruber plant the hot Gestapo money on Captain Bertorelli and snitch on him to Herr Flick.

Money to Burn

Episode: 5x18 | Airdate: Dec 31, 1988

Leclerc has been arrested on suspicion of stealing the forged Gestapo million francs and is to be executed unless the money is returned; unfortunately Edith's mother has cooked it in the oven.

Puddings Can Go Off

Episode: 5x19 | Airdate: Jan 7, 1989

Faced with the problem of hiding 1,000 kilos of stolen high explosive, Michelle of the Resistance decides on a simple but daring course of action. It will be hidden in 500 Christmas puddings.

Land Mines for London

Episode: 5x20 | Airdate: Jan 14, 1989

After narrowly escaping being blown up by the 258 exploding Christmas puddings, which are being hidden in the cellar of the cafe, Rene becomes embroiled in another daring plan by the Resistance. This time they are trying to send the two British airmen home in two captured German landmines!

Flight to Geneva

Episode: 5x21 | Airdate: Jan 21, 1989

Rene is ordered to hand over to General Von Klinkerhoffen the two valuable paintings he has been hiding to sell after the war. The General then sells them to a Swedish art expert for a million in gold bars. Rene steals four of these gold bars and tries to elope to Switzerland with Yvette on the night train. Unfortunately, for one reason or another, everyone ends up on the same train!

Train of Events

Episode: 5x22 | Airdate: Jan 28, 1989

Rene is trying to elope with Yvette, and with the four gold bars he stole from General Von Klinkerhoffen , on the night train to Switzerland. However, he finds he has company. In fact everyone seems to be travelling with them. To further thwart his plans, the Resistance are going to blow up the train!

An Enigma Variation

Episode: 5x23 | Airdate: Feb 4, 1989

Rene is still trying to hide the gold he has stolen from General Von Klinkerhoffen ; the Colonel, Gruber and Helga are trying to recover the paintings they had hidden in a statue, which is now in the General's possession. And the Resistance want to steal the Enigma Encoding Machine, also in the General's possession. A dance at the General's chateau gives rise to another plan.

Wedding Bloss

Episode: 5x24 | Airdate: Feb 11, 1989

In the eyes of the world, Rene is supposed to be dead and therefore is masquerading as his twin brother. This means that he is not really married to Edith, and Edith's admirer, Monsieur Alfonse decides to pursue his courtship and propose and she accepts.

The news shocks Rene, not so much because he will lose Edith, but rather because he would lose the cafe and everything in it, including the four bars of gold he has stolen from

General Von Klinkerhoffen. Only one thing can save the situation: Rene must marry Edith ...

Down the Drain

Episode: 5x25 | Airdate: Feb 18, 1989

Rene is still hiding the four bars of gold he has stolen and he decides it is time he left his dangerous life in Nouvion.

All in Disgeese

Episode: 5x26 | Airdate: Feb 25, 1989

René is still harbouring the German Enigma coding machine as well as the four bars of gold he has stolen; the two British airmen; the painting of the Fallen Madonna by Von Clomp; and the painting of the Cracked Vase with the big daisies by Van Gogh. So the cafe is rather full, and as the story progresses it becomes positively crowded

Season 6

Desperate Doings in the Graveyard

Episode: 6x01 | Airdate: Sep 2, 1989

A powerful radio transmitter has been erected beneath the tomb of Rene Artois (twin brother, you will remember, of Rene Artois ). Rene tries to send a message to London to inform them of the plan to return the British airmen, but gets a little carried away ...

The Gestapo for the High Jump

Episode: 6x02 | Airdate: Sep 9, 1989

Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen of the Gestapo plan to infiltrate the Resistance disguised as British airmen. So do the Italians, led by Captain Bertorelli. Little do they know that Rene and friends are waiting for them, heavily disguised. Little does Boris Karloff know that his former make-up artist is now working for the Resistance....

The Nouvion Oars

Episode: 6x03 | Airdate: Sep 16, 1989

Private Helga Geerhart undertakes to marry Herr Flick of the Gestapo in order to report his every move to General Von Klinkerhoffen.

The Nicked Airmen

Episode: 6x04 | Airdate: Sep 23, 1989

When the British airmen are arrested paddling a tin bath down the estuary, Rene and his staff are instructed to rescue them from the chateau in coffins. All goes to plan until M Alfonse challenges M Leclerc to a duel....

The Airmen De-Nicked

Episode: 6x05 | Airdate: Sep 30, 1989

Michelle of the Resistance plans to infiltrate German headquarters to rescue the British airmen, using hijacked German uniforms. Who will fit them? Officer Crabtree reckons Rene's chances are farty to one.

The Crooked Fences

Episode: 6x06 | Airdate: Oct 7, 1989

Cafe Rene is the venue for a clandestine deal involving a solid gold cuckoo clock weight, the Portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Von Klomp , and five anonymous characters wearing paper bags over their heads who answer to the names of Colonel X, Lieutenant X, Captain X, Private X and X.

Crabtree's Podgeon Pist

Episode: 6x07 | Airdate: Oct 14, 1989

Fanny and Leclerc's wedding is timed to coincide with the execution of Michelle's most audacious escape plan to date.

Rising to the Occasion

Episode: 6x08 | Airdate: Oct 21, 1989

Michelle of the Resistance has an audacious escape plan for the British airmen. It involves a barrage balloon, a wedding marquee and 24 cylinders of helium disguised as prize-winning marrows.

Season 7

A Quiet Honeymoon

Episode: 7x01 | Airdate: Jan 5, 1991

Newlyweds Fanny and Leclerc are sent to jail by the Germans for flying around in a bed attached to a balloon. Much to Rene's horror, Edith decides to rescue them. But her plans are thwarted by a loose bedknob.

An Almighty Bang

Episode: 7x02 | Airdate: Jan 12, 1991

General Von Flockenstoffen plans to launch a suicidal raid to kidnap Churchill.

Fleeing Monks

Episode: 7x03 | Airdate: Jan 19, 1991

Rene is sentenced to death by the Communist Resistance for collaboration. He decides to flee to England with Yvette.

Up the Crick Without a Piddle

Episode: 7x04 | Airdate: Jan 26, 1991

Rene and Edith, transported to England in the place of the British airmen, get medals from Churchill.

The Gestapo Ruins a Picnic

Episode: 7x05 | Airdate: Feb 2, 1991

Rene is made editor of the local paper; Michelle plans to build a raft to float the airmen back to England.

The Spirit of Nouvion

Episode: 7x06 | Airdate: Feb 9, 1991

The German officers burgle Gestapo headquarters, but find a ghostly apparition has got there before them.

Leg It to Spain!

Episode: 7x07 | Airdate: Feb 16, 1991

The Resistance is short of money. Michelle enlists Rene to help recover the painting of the Fallen Madonna to sell for Resistance funds. There is only one problem: it is in the safe in Herr Flick 's dungeon. The Colonel, Gruber and Bertorelli are also after the painting and decide to burgle Gestapo headquarters - but a ghostly apparition gets there before them.

Prior Engagements

Episode: 7x08 | Airdate: Feb 23, 1991

The British airmen are trapped in wine barrels in the cellars of the chateau. They must be rescued before the Germans sample the claret.

Soup and Sausage

Episode: 7x09 | Airdate: Mar 2, 1991

The British airmen are stuck down the drain in the village square. Rene plans to get them out - with the help of an old ice-cream van.

René of the Gypsies

Episode: 7x10 | Airdate: Mar 16, 1991

Michelle plans to release the British airmen from the drain in the square under cover of a gypsy fair.

Season 8

Arousing Suspicions

Episode: 8x01 | Airdate: Jan 12, 1992

Rene and company disguise themselves as Spanish dancers to recover battle equipment from the chateau.

A Woman Never Lies

Episode: 8x02 | Airdate: Jan 19, 1992

Still searching for the Fallen Madonna, Herr Flick gives Helga a truth drug.

Hitler's Last Heil

Episode: 8x03 | Airdate: Jan 26, 1992

It's Rene's birthday! Surprises include a car from Edith, a wink from Hitler and a bomb from the Resistance.

Firing Squashed

Episode: 8x05 | Airdate: Feb 16, 1992

Michelle plans to swap an eel containing the Fallen Madonna for a dogfish containing ten million francs.

A Fistful of Francs

Episode: 8x06 | Airdate: Feb 23, 1992

Michelle plans to swap an eel containing the Fallen Madonna for a dogfish containing ten million francs.

A Swan Song

Episode: 8x07 | Airdate: Mar 1, 1992

What's happened to Rene and Edith? And why is Michelle singing a duet with Crabtree?

Season 9

Gone with the Windmill

Episode: 9x01 | Airdate: Nov 9, 1992

The Colonel and Gruber finally return from Spain.

Missing and Presumed Dead

Episode: 9x02 | Airdate: Nov 16, 1992

Captured by the communists, Rene is looking for a way to escape. Flick and Von Smallhausen try to fool Edith by pretending they are English.

René Artois is Still Dead

Episode: 9x03 | Airdate: Nov 23, 1992

Having escaped from the Communist Resistance, Rene now has to go into hiding. But where is he?

Tarts and Flickers

Episode: 9x04 | Airdate: Nov 30, 1992

Trying to get a secret message to England proves a problem.

A Fishy Send-Off

Episode: 9x05 | Airdate: Dec 7, 1992

It is the day of the Nouvion Fishmonger's Parade, but Von Klinkerhoffen, Gruber and the Colonel are heading for Berlin on a special mission.

A Winkle in Time

Episode: 9x06 | Airdate: Dec 14, 1992

The moment Nouvion has been waiting for: Rene and Edith greet the Allies and the war is over. But not the surprises.

Specials

The British Are Coming

Episode: S01 Special | Airdate: Dec 30, 1982

Rene, a cafe proprietor in occupied France, suddenly finds himself the centre of the organisation devoted to helping escaping RAF officers to get back to England.

A Bun in the Oven

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: Dec 24, 1991

Rene finds himself in great danger when Yvette confides that she is pregnant. Could this be why Rene is planning to fly to England tout de suite?

The Best of 'Allo 'Allo!

Episode: S09 Special | Airdate: Aug 17, 1994

It is ten years since harassed cafe-owner René and his battle-axe wife Edith first appeared in David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd 's comedy about the French Resistance. Since then the raincoated Resistance fighter Michelle has said "I shall say zis emly wernce" dozens of times.

This scrapbook of classic moments from the series is introduced by Rene and Edith (played by Gorden Kaye and Carmen Silvera ) as they celebrate Edith's birthday and reminisce about their eventful war years. Among the clips are Rene'sexecution, the wedding of Mme Fanny and Leclerc and the time Captain Hans Geering concealed a priceless cuckoo clock about his person.

Return of Allo Allo

Episode: S09 Special | Airdate: Apr 28, 2007

A special one-off documentary revealing the history behind the popular British sitcom, featuring clips from the original series, a cast reunion and brand new scenes written by one of the co-creators, Jeremy Lloyd. 'Allo 'Allo! followed the farcical adventures of Rene Artois, a French cafe owner unwillingly brought into the war on both sides. The Germans forced him to hide some of the town's stolen artefacts while the cafe was used by the Resistance as a safe house for two British airmen. Rene was also conducting two affairs while trying to keep them secret from his wife, Edith. In tonight's show, Rene is back in his cafe writing his war diaries, with a little help from Yvette and some of the establishment's characters.

NOTE: This special aired on BBC Two