Two and a Half Men - Episode List

Season 12

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
16Feb 19, 2015Of Course He's Dead - Part Two
15Feb 19, 2015Of Course He's Dead - Part One
14Feb 12, 2015Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
13Feb 5, 2015Boompa Loved His Hookers
12Jan 29, 2015A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
11Jan 22, 2015For Whom the Booty Calls
10Jan 15, 2015Here I Come, Pants!
9Jan 8, 2015Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
8Dec 18, 2014Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey
7Dec 11, 2014Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
6Dec 4, 2014Alan Shot a Little Girl
5Nov 27, 2014Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
4Nov 20, 2014Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
3Nov 13, 2014Glamping in a Yurt
2Nov 6, 2014A Chic Bar in Ibiza
1Oct 30, 2014The Ol' Mexican Spinach

Season 11

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
22May 8, 2014Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
21May 1, 2014Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
20Apr 24, 2014Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
19Apr 10, 2014Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
18Apr 3, 2014West Side Story
17Mar 13, 2014Welcome Home, Jake
16Mar 6, 2014How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
15Feb 27, 2014Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
14Feb 6, 2014Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
13Jan 30, 2014Bite Me, Supreme Court
12Jan 9, 2014Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
11Jan 2, 2014Tazed in the Lady Nuts
10Dec 12, 2013On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
9Dec 5, 2013Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
8Nov 21, 2013Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
7Nov 14, 2013Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
6Nov 7, 2013Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
5Oct 24, 2013Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
4Oct 17, 2013Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
3Oct 10, 2013This Unblessed Biscuit
2Oct 3, 2013I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
1Sep 26, 2013Nangnangnangnang

Season 10

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
23May 9, 2013Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
22May 2, 2013My Bodacious Vidalia
21Apr 25, 2013Another Night with Neil Diamond
20Apr 4, 2013Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
19Mar 14, 2013Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
18Mar 7, 2013The 9:04 from Pemberton
17Feb 21, 2013Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
16Feb 14, 2013Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
15Feb 7, 2013Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
14Jan 31, 2013Run, Steven Staven! Run!
13Jan 10, 2013Grab a Feather and Get in Line
12Jan 3, 2013Welcome to Alancrest
11Dec 13, 2012Give Santa a Tail-Hole
10Dec 6, 2012One Nut Johnson
9Nov 29, 2012I Scream When I Pee
8Nov 15, 2012Something My Gynecologist Said
7Nov 8, 2012Avoid the Chinese Mustard
6Nov 1, 2012Ferrets, Attack!
5Oct 25, 2012That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
4Oct 18, 2012You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
3Oct 11, 2012Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
2Oct 4, 2012A Big Bag of Dog
1Sep 27, 2012I Changed My Mind About the Milk

Season 9

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
24May 14, 2012Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
23May 7, 2012The Straw in My Donut Hole
22Apr 30, 2012Why We Gave Up Women
21Apr 16, 2012Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
20Apr 9, 2012Grandma's Pie
19Mar 19, 2012Palmdale, Ech
18Feb 27, 2012The War Against Gingivitis
17Feb 20, 2012Not in My Mouth!
16Feb 13, 2012Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
15Feb 6, 2012The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
14Jan 16, 2012A Possum on Chemo
13Jan 2, 2012Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
12Dec 12, 2011One False Move, Zimbabwe!
11Dec 5, 2011What a Lovely Landing Strip
10Nov 21, 2011A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
9Nov 14, 2011Frodo's Headshots
8Nov 7, 2011Thank You for the Intercourse
7Oct 31, 2011Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
6Oct 24, 2011The Squat and the Hover
5Oct 17, 2011A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
4Oct 10, 2011Nine Magic Fingers
3Oct 3, 2011Big Girls Don't Throw Food
2Sep 26, 2011People Who Love Peepholes
1Sep 19, 2011Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

Season 8

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
16Feb 14, 2011That Darn Priest
15Feb 7, 2011Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
14Jan 17, 2011Lookin' for Japanese Subs
13Jan 3, 2011Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
12Dec 13, 2010Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
11Dec 6, 2010Dead from the Waist Down
10Nov 22, 2010Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
9Nov 15, 2010A Good Time in Central Africa
8Nov 8, 2010Springtime on a Stick
7Nov 1, 2010The Crazy Bitch Gazette
6Oct 25, 2010Twanging Your Magic Clanger
5Oct 18, 2010The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
4Oct 11, 2010Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
3Oct 4, 2010A Pudding-Filled Cactus
2Sep 27, 2010A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
1Sep 20, 2010Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

Season 7

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
22May 24, 2010This Is Not Gonna End Well
21May 17, 2010Gumby with a Pokey
20May 10, 2010I Called Him Magoo
19Apr 12, 2010Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
18Mar 22, 2010Ixnay on the Oggie Day
17Mar 8, 2010I Found Your Moustache
16Mar 1, 2010Tinkle Like a Princess
15Feb 8, 2010Aye, Aye, Captain
14Feb 1, 2010Crude and Uncalled For
13Jan 18, 2010Yay, No Polyps!
12Jan 11, 2010Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
11Dec 14, 2009Warning, It's Dirty
10Dec 7, 2009That's Why They Call It Ball Room
9Nov 23, 2009Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
8Nov 16, 2009Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
7Nov 9, 2009Untainted by Filth
6Nov 2, 2009Give Me Your Thumb
5Oct 19, 2009For the Sake of the Child
4Oct 12, 2009Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
3Oct 5, 2009Mmm, Fish. Yum.
2Sep 28, 2009Whipped Unto the Third Generation
1Sep 21, 2009818-jklpuzo

Season 6

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
24May 18, 2009Baseball with Better Steroids
23May 11, 2009Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
22May 4, 2009Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
21Apr 27, 2009Above Exalted Cyclops
20Apr 13, 2009Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
19Mar 30, 2009The Two Finger Rule
18Mar 16, 2009My Son's Enormous Head
17Mar 9, 2009The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
16Mar 2, 2009She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
15Feb 9, 2009I'd Like to Start with the Cat
14Feb 2, 2009David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
13Jan 19, 2009I Think You Offended Don
12Jan 12, 2009Thank God for Scoliosis
11Dec 15, 2008The Devil's Lube
10Dec 8, 2008He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
9Nov 24, 2008The Mooch at the Boo
8Nov 17, 2008Pinocchio's Mouth
7Nov 10, 2008Best H.O. Money Can Buy
6Nov 3, 2008It's Always Nazi Week
5Oct 20, 2008A Jock Strap in Hell
4Oct 13, 2008The Flavin' and the Mavin'
3Oct 6, 2008Damn You, Eggs Benedict
2Sep 29, 2008Pie Hole, Herb
1Sep 22, 2008Taterhead Is Our Love Child

Season 5

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
19May 19, 2008Waiting for the Right Snapper
18May 12, 2008If My Hole Could Talk
17May 5, 2008Fish in a Drawer
16Apr 28, 2008Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
15Apr 21, 2008Rough Night in Hump Junction
14Apr 14, 2008Winky-Dink Time
13Mar 31, 2008The Soil Is Moist
12Mar 24, 2008A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
11Mar 17, 2008Meander to Your Dander
10Nov 26, 2007Kinda Like Necrophilia
9Nov 19, 2007Tight's Good
8Nov 12, 2007Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
7Nov 5, 2007Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
6Oct 29, 2007Help Daddy Find His Toenail
5Oct 22, 2007Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
4Oct 15, 2007City of Great Racks
3Oct 8, 2007Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
2Oct 1, 2007Media Room Slash Dungeon
1Sep 24, 2007Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Season 4

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
24May 14, 2007Prostitutes and Gelato
23May 7, 2007Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
22Apr 30, 2007Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
21Apr 23, 2007Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
20Apr 16, 2007Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
19Apr 9, 2007Smooth As a Ken Doll
18Mar 19, 2007It Never Rains in Hooterville
17Feb 26, 2007I Merely Slept with a Commie
16Feb 19, 2007Young People Have Phlegm Too
15Feb 12, 2007My Damn Stalker
14Feb 5, 2007That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
13Jan 22, 2007Don't Worry, Speed Racer
12Jan 8, 2007Castrating Sheep in Montana
11Dec 11, 2006Walnuts and Demerol
10Nov 27, 2006Kissing Abraham Lincoln
9Nov 20, 2006Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
8Nov 13, 2006Release the Dogs
7Nov 6, 2006Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
6Oct 23, 2006Apologies for the Frivolity
5Oct 16, 2006A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
4Oct 9, 2006A Pot Smoking Monkey
3Oct 2, 2006The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
2Sep 25, 2006Who's Vod Kanockers?
1Sep 18, 2006Working for Caligula

Season 3

Number#AirdateNameScoreStatus
24May 22, 2006That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
23May 15, 2006Arguments for the Quickie
22May 8, 2006Just Once with Aunt Sophie
21May 1, 2006And the Plot Moistens
20Apr 24, 2006Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
19Apr 10, 2006Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
18Mar 20, 2006The Spit-Covered Cobbler
17Mar 13, 2006The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
16Mar 6, 2006Ergo, the Booty Call
15Feb 27, 2006My Tongue Is Meat
14Feb 6, 2006Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
13Jan 23, 2006Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
12Jan 9, 2006That Special Tug
11Dec 19, 2005Santa's Village of the Damned
10Nov 28, 2005Something Salted and Twisted
9Nov 21, 2005Madame and Her Special Friend
8Nov 14, 2005That Voodoo That I Do Do
7Nov 7, 2005Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
6Oct 24, 2005Hi, Mr. Horned One
5Oct 17, 2005We Called It Mr. Pinky
4Oct 10, 2005Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
3Oct 3, 2005Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
2Sep 26, 2005Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
1Sep 19, 2005Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

The episode list was truncated because of the large number of episodes. Click here to show them all.