Ted - Episode Guide

Ted's attempt to get expelled from high school leads him to purchase drugs from an unlikely source.

Ted and John's plan to exact revenge on the school bully inadvertently puts them in a parental role. Matty agrees to get a colonoscopy… on one condition.

Ted and John go to extraordinary lengths so that John can watch his first adult film. Matty and Susan's disappointing night out leads Susan to question their relationship.

Ted's plan to spend Halloween with John is thwarted when Blaire forces him to be her designated driver for the night. Susan tries to cheer John up by finding him a new friend.

Blaire convinces Matty and Susan to let Ted act as their marriage therapist. After the session, Ted, John and Blaire encourage Susan to pursue the career she abandoned long ago.

Matty's unorthodox Christmas wish is granted, completely upending the Bennett family dynamic. A trip to church gets John and Ted wondering about Ted's miraculous origin.

As the end of the school year approaches, Ted plots to help John lose his virginity after John learns he is the last virgin in school.

John and Ted use a phone in the school basement to call a sex hotline, but the charges end up costing the school thousands of dollars and a hard-nosed special investigator is brought in to find the culprits.

The bear starts a risky affair with a married woman and becomes emotionally invested, while Susan helps Matty try to figure out the cause of his erectile dysfunction.

John, Ted and Blaire must complete a drug dealer's Dungeons & Dragons campaign to score weed.

Blaire's rom-com movie marathon annoys Matty; Ted and John double date with their elderly neighbor.

John and Ted audition for the school play; Matty and Susan get part-time jobs at Dunkin' Donuts.

Blaire finds herself navigating an unexpected pregnancy, leading to mixed reactions from the family.

Susan takes the fall for John and Ted when a police officer finds their weed during a traffic stop.

John and Ted create a fake newspaper to keep Matty from learning about the O.J. Simpson verdict.