The White Knight

Hi everybody, I'm Deepthroat Ghoul, and it's time for another episode discussion. Today, it's on the third episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon show, "The White Knight" (written by Bob Forward).

One intro and "Excuse me Princess!" later... As the episode begins, we see this blonde hunk of a man riding a white horse into a nearby town, in which Link and Princess Zelda just so happen to be getting new horseshoes for Link's horse. FYI Zelda can also use her magic to change her hairstyle.

Just then, one of Ganon (or Ganondorf Dragmire, if you play Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64)'s underground tunnels opens up, and a group of Tinsuits come out, spoiling for a fight! Link rushes into battle and blasts a couple of the Tinsuits with his sword (including one that tries to sneak up on him), and has time to spin his sword, only for it to get kicked out of his hand and land on the roof of a barn. But luckily, one of the dying Tinsuits dropped both a rupee and a crossbow. Zelda asks Link to kick the crossbow over to her, which he does. Zelda fires two arrows, taking out two of the Tinsuits, but the crossbow soon runs out of arrows. To make matters worse, an Octorok comes out from underneath the ground and throws Link through the barn into a pig sty. Ooh, that sucks!

Shortly, the remaining Tinsuit and Octorok fight each other for the rupee, because all bad guys fight for cash. Then, Link returns, having reclaimed his sword, and shoots the last Tinsuit, just as the Octorok pretends to be Birdo and shoot a rock out of its mouth! Link then lassoes the Octorok, only to get dragged along with it out of town, with Zelda shortly following behind.

In the forest, the Octorok (wrapping Link in one of its tentacles) stops in its tracks, when the blonde guy from earlier, who is obviously The White Knight, makes his appearance by blocking the Octorok's attack with his magical shield (then throwing it away), and shooting the Octorok with his crossbow, dropping both Link and the rupee. You know, it's obvious that Zelda ends up having a crush on The White Knight, who then introduces himself as Prince Facade from the land of Arcadia, and his horse is called Magnus. On a side note, Prince Facade looks like Fabio. Zelda introduces both herself and Link (even calling him "Stink"). Link offers a handshake, but Facade refuses, seeing that Link's hand is all dirty after being quite literally dragged through the mud by the Octorok, and that there sets Facade's character as a total douchebag! Facade then offers Zelda a ride back to North Castle on Magnus. Unfortunately, to Link's dismay, Magnus can only carry two people. Zelda, being a giggling fangirl, rides off with Prince Facade back to the castle, leaving Link to just walk all the way. Link just got pwned by that guy!

You know, the episode could've ended here with Link taking out his sword and slicing his own head off, so we could get into "Do the Mario" early, but no, let's continue on with the story.

Meanwhile, Ganon is seen watching the events from his lair, and he reminds us that he has dealt with Prince Facade before, since Facade is a brave warrior, yet he refuses to get get dirty, not even to save a princess! On a side note, Ganon is truly awesome in this cartoon. Whenever he's mad, he says weird things like "I am very upset!" Nevertheless, with Facade around in North Castle, this could be Ganon's window of opportunity to capture Princess Zelda and conquer Hyrule FOREVER!

That night, at North Castle, Facade is telling stories about his many adventures to Zelda (who is wearing a very sexy banana yellow dress) and her absent-minded father, King Harkinian, who rightfully points out that Link is an adventurer, too. But Zelda calls the kettle black and says that Prince Facade is wonderful! Facade is so humble about it (and gay to boot)! The King wonders where Link is, and even looks behind his chair.

Upstairs, Link is in his bedroom, having a bath and sulking about Zelda jumping on Facade's bandwagon, until Spryte flies into the room with a clean towel. Link then asks Spryte if she got those clothes he requested, because if Zelda wants a prince, she'll get one. Spryte doesn't agree with it, and Link tells her to get out and let him bathe in peace. You already know about the love triangle I mentioned in my previous discussion, and who wouldn't love to see Spryte grow to human size just like Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell in the 1991 Peter Pan movie Hook.

Back in the lounge, Facade demonstrates on how to get women: just act like you don't care about them, and they'll just want you more. Suddenly, Link enters the room, wearing a gawdy-yet-cool prince outfit, only to trip over his own spurs and get laughed at by everyone. If I were Link, I'd just get out my sword and blast everybody in the room. But instead, he just storms out, leaving Zelda feeling rather guilty about laughing at Link. Here's another alternate ending for this episode: Link chops off Facade's head, and then leaves the lounge all soaked in blood with Zelda laying there lifeless, and Spryte with devil horns.

Back to the episode, as he strips himself of his prince clothes back into his regular outfit, Link furiously tells Spryte that Zelda laughed at him. Sprtye tries to calm Link down, but Link decides enough is enough, and plans to leave Hyrule for good. If Zelda wants the Triforce of Wisdom protected, Facade can do it. Link then jumps out of his bedroom window, bounces off a tent, and lands on his feet next to his horse, who is named Catherine, not Epona, and rides out of the castle (this little stunt proves why Hyrule needs Link).

Ganon seems to be happy by this turn of events, so he orders a strike force of Moblins, Tektites, and one Zola to go to the castle and capture Zelda immediately.

Facade finishes his latest tall tale, as the King is already asleep. Zelda and Facade are about to kiss, when Ganon's goons suddenly burst in! The Moblins captures Zelda and give her to the Zola, while the Tektites pin Facade down, all while the King still sleeps. You see here, Link will win!

Speak of the Devil, just as he's nearly out of Hyrule, Link hears Zelda screaming for help, and struggles with himself over what to do. Link, bit of advice: leave Zelda and just go! Unfortunately, my advice falls upon deaf ears, as Link rides back to save her like the hero he is.

The Zola carries Zelda out of North Castle, as Facade tries to keep up. Any minute, he's gonna fall flat on his face and get dirty. Actually, as the Zola takes Zelda into a nearby bank of muddy water, Facade stops at the edge of the bank, refusing to go any further, as well as telling Zelda that he simply does not want to get dirty, and Zelda is irate that she worshipped such a useless so-and-so like Facade. Meanwhile, Ganon is gloating along the lines of "I win! Mud was the victor! My secret weapon!" and then calls for the swamp entrance to be raised.

As Zelda is nearly done for and Facade does nothing about it, Link comes riding in to save the day by jumping off his horse, doing a somersault through the air, and landing on his feet perfectly, which is something Facade can't do. Link then proceeds to lay the smackdown by blocking the Zola's fireball and then shoots the Zola three times (without hitting Zelda luckily)! As she falls into the mud, Zelda thanks Link for saving her. Link smiles and tells Zelda that it's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

As the two proceed to climb out of the muddy bank, Facade tries to make up with an angry Zelda. But she has none of it, and makes him fall into the mud, and Link takes back the rupee! Prince Facade got pwned, it all comes back! Link and Zelda walk off together, back to the castle, Link asks Zelda for a kiss, and Facade just shrugs, the end.

The lesson we've learned today is don't judge a book by its cover, and if you want the job done right, you gotta pick the right man for the job. By the way, we've got one more Zelda episode discussion coming on the way, so stay tuned!