The Legend of Zelda

Hello once again, ladies and gentleman, it's me, it's me, it's that D-E-E-P-T-H-R-O-A-T to the G-H-O-U-L, and I am going to discuss the fourth episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon show, "Kiss 'N Tell" (written by Phil Harnage). Let's just skip over the intro and the "Excuse me Princess!", and we're just about here.

The episode begins with Princess Zelda riding through the forest, complaining that Link should be joining her instead of having a nice lie-in in his bed. As she bites into an apple (which isn't poisonous), Zelda hears a cry for help and heads off to investigate. We then see a lovely brunette maiden cornered by a Gleeok (which is the first level boss in the first Zelda game, and can talk BTW), and we soon find out that it's a set-up for a trap. The maiden calls out for a handsome hero to rescue her, but never mind that, here comes Zelda, who then proceeds to kick the Gleeok's butt with a basket of fruit. She starts off by throwing a grapefruit right into the Gleeok's middle head's mouth, prompting it to complain that it just got heartburn, when in reality, grapefruit actually helps cure heartburn. Next up, Zelda throws two lemons into the mouths of the Gleeok's left and right heads, then the maiden starts giving out about wanting to be rescued by handsome heroes, not other beautiful maidens, prompting Zelda to snark "Well hey, pardon me!" while doing a backflip to avoid getting roasted by the Gleeok's fire breath, and catapulting the basket off a tree and right at the Gleeok, stunning it.

Zelda runs over to get the maiden to safety, but the maiden refuses to budge until a handsome hero shows up and saves her. And believe it or not, Link finally shows up, as the maiden snarks that it's about time he got here, and Zelda agrees that it's about time he got up. Link winks with an "Oink" sound effect, and the Gleeok is happy to see him here at last. If there's one thing you can to to your body, like every time I smile, I get a "Ding!", or like how Link just winked with an "Oink!". Even better, if I did something cool, I should get the PlayStation trophy achievement sound. Anyways, Link avoids the Gleeok's fire breath and shoots its left and right heads with his sword. You know, as goofy as Link is in this cartoon, the writers make him do some pretty cool stuff in this, such as holding on to the Gleeok's tail, as the monster spins around, but Zelda stops that momentum by eating a banana and throwing the banana skin for the Gleeok to slip on, and Link to finish it off with his sword. Upon dying, the Gleeok says "Oh well, did my part."

After the fight is over, Link is congratulated by the maiden for saving her, and will reward him with a kiss. Link tells Zelda to watch and learn, Zelda sticks out her tongue, and Link kisses the maiden. But then, after a bright flash, the maiden is revealed to actually be a Gibdo (which is also from the first Zelda game), and Link has been turned into a frog! The Gibdo, with evil red eyes, gloats that Ganon's plan worked perfectly. Link tries to grab his sword, but discovers that his hands are now webbed and weird! But luckily, Zelda easily defeats the Gibdo by spinning it until it dies! While we're on the subject of red eyes, I've had bloodshot eyes three or four times in the past in my mid teens to early 20's.

Meanwhile, in his underground lair, Ganon congratulates the Gibdo and the Gleeok for doing their parts flawlessly as they float around in his jar, and then proceeds to head off and capture Zelda by teleporting.

Back up on the surface, Link is devastated to see his new frog form when he looks at his reflection in the lake, and Zelda hugs him, assuring that she'll always be his friend no matter what. I think Zelda needs to kiss Link to break the spell. Anyway, Ganon watches this sickenly sweet embrace from his cave entrance. Right now, Ganon could just kill them both by zapping them right now as they hug, but he doesn't. Now, what I see happening here is Ganon killing Link and eating his legs for dinner. Add that to the pile of Legend of Zelda Animated alternate endings! Man, I should be a writer! What actually happens here is, Ganon knocks out Link with his magic, leaves two Deelers to finish him off, captures Zelda with an Octorok, and then heads off back to his lair. But, because he's now a frog, Link wakes up and eats the two Deelers, but is then quickly disgusted by what he just did. Could've been worse, Link, those Deelers could've been poisonous.

Back at North Castle, Spryte proceeds to clean up Link's bedroom, as Link returns to show her his new frog look that Ganon gave him, and point out that Ganon has captured Zelda. As the two ponder on what to do, the Triforce of Wisdom chimes in by suggesting that Link and Spryte go find the Witch of Walls.

Sometime later, Link and Spryte find a diamond wall that has no end with an iron tree that can not bend, and they successfully find the Witch of Walls, who fits the bill for "Ugly People Day", so says Spryte. Now, one thing I've put off was that Link's frog voice has a nasal tone to it, like Jonathan Potts (the voice of Link) was probably told to hold his nose for his Frog Link lines. Anyways, the Witch of Walls tells Link that the only way to become human again is to be kissed by a princess of her own free will. Link complains that he's been trying to get Zelda to kiss him for so long, and that was when he didn't look like a frog. The Witch of Walls retorts that she said the cure is simple, not easy, as she returns to her wall.

Now then, we're only two thirds of the way through this episode, as in the underworld, Ganon tells a tied-up Zelda in his bedroom that her father will give him the Triforce of Wisdom in exchange for her safe return. Somewhere else in the lair, Link's frog state allows him to wall-crawl like Spider-Man. You know, Frog Link would be pretty useful in Zelda games, such as being able to climb walls, and use his tongue as a Hookshot. Upon hearing the noise, Ganon heads off to look for Link, stupidly shouting "Come out hero, you can not hide from me!" If you were a bad guy, would you tell the good guy that you're coming like he did? "I'm coming for you now!" feels great to say, though.

Link shoots down the door with his sword, then cuts Zelda free from her handcuffs, and people were pointing out "Hold on, he can get his sword out now, but he couldn't get it out when he was fighting the Gibdo!" Well, that's because he was shocked that his hands were all weird. Link pleads with Zelda to kiss him to break the spell. Although hesistant at first, Zelda agrees to do it. But before they can kiss, Link is zapped unconcious by Ganon, who takes the time to blow the smoke off his finger like a gunslinging cowboy, and then starts chasing Zelda around the room. As Link lies on the floor in pain, Spryte feels sorry for the young hero and kisses him on the cheek for having such a hard day. Holy plot twist Batman, Spryte's kiss turns Link back into a human! Happy that he's back to normal, Link gets up and zaps a curtain to fall on top of Ganon, and then shoots the floor underneath him, causing old Pig-Face himself to fall to his doom, while Link, Zelda, and Spryte make their grand escape after Link shoots a hole in the wall, leaving Ganon to snarl "I'll get you yet!" Link's sword is getting cooler and cooler, even moreso than the Master Sword. And thus, this is how Hyrule was saved time and time again.

As our heroes walk home, Link is puzzled about how Spryte's kiss cured him of Ganon's frog spell, and Spryte explains that her dad is the king of the faires, making her the princess. Link is glad he's not a frog anymore, and Zelda plans to reward him with a kiss for saving her. But unfortunately, Link screws himself over by seeing a fly and eating it as an old habit, prompting a disgusted Zelda to walk off with Link and Spryte following behind as Link tries to apologise for grossing Zelda out. The End.

Alright, there you go, that's all the Zelda cartoon episodes I've discussed. I hope you have enjoyed them. This is Deepthroat Ghoul, and I will see you next time!

Hi everybody, I'm Deepthroat Ghoul, and it's time for another episode discussion. Today, it's on the third episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon show, "The White Knight" (written by Bob Forward).

One intro and "Excuse me Princess!" later... As the episode begins, we see this blonde hunk of a man riding a white horse into a nearby town, in which Link and Princess Zelda just so happen to be getting new horseshoes for Link's horse. FYI Zelda can also use her magic to change her hairstyle.

Just then, one of Ganon (or Ganondorf Dragmire, if you play Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64)'s underground tunnels opens up, and a group of Tinsuits come out, spoiling for a fight! Link rushes into battle and blasts a couple of the Tinsuits with his sword (including one that tries to sneak up on him), and has time to spin his sword, only for it to get kicked out of his hand and land on the roof of a barn. But luckily, one of the dying Tinsuits dropped both a rupee and a crossbow. Zelda asks Link to kick the crossbow over to her, which he does. Zelda fires two arrows, taking out two of the Tinsuits, but the crossbow soon runs out of arrows. To make matters worse, an Octorok comes out from underneath the ground and throws Link through the barn into a pig sty. Ooh, that sucks!

Shortly, the remaining Tinsuit and Octorok fight each other for the rupee, because all bad guys fight for cash. Then, Link returns, having reclaimed his sword, and shoots the last Tinsuit, just as the Octorok pretends to be Birdo and shoot a rock out of its mouth! Link then lassoes the Octorok, only to get dragged along with it out of town, with Zelda shortly following behind.

In the forest, the Octorok (wrapping Link in one of its tentacles) stops in its tracks, when the blonde guy from earlier, who is obviously The White Knight, makes his appearance by blocking the Octorok's attack with his magical shield (then throwing it away), and shooting the Octorok with his crossbow, dropping both Link and the rupee. You know, it's obvious that Zelda ends up having a crush on The White Knight, who then introduces himself as Prince Facade from the land of Arcadia, and his horse is called Magnus. On a side note, Prince Facade looks like Fabio. Zelda introduces both herself and Link (even calling him "Stink"). Link offers a handshake, but Facade refuses, seeing that Link's hand is all dirty after being quite literally dragged through the mud by the Octorok, and that there sets Facade's character as a total douchebag! Facade then offers Zelda a ride back to North Castle on Magnus. Unfortunately, to Link's dismay, Magnus can only carry two people. Zelda, being a giggling fangirl, rides off with Prince Facade back to the castle, leaving Link to just walk all the way. Link just got pwned by that guy!

You know, the episode could've ended here with Link taking out his sword and slicing his own head off, so we could get into "Do the Mario" early, but no, let's continue on with the story.

Meanwhile, Ganon is seen watching the events from his lair, and he reminds us that he has dealt with Prince Facade before, since Facade is a brave warrior, yet he refuses to get get dirty, not even to save a princess! On a side note, Ganon is truly awesome in this cartoon. Whenever he's mad, he says weird things like "I am very upset!" Nevertheless, with Facade around in North Castle, this could be Ganon's window of opportunity to capture Princess Zelda and conquer Hyrule FOREVER!

That night, at North Castle, Facade is telling stories about his many adventures to Zelda (who is wearing a very sexy banana yellow dress) and her absent-minded father, King Harkinian, who rightfully points out that Link is an adventurer, too. But Zelda calls the kettle black and says that Prince Facade is wonderful! Facade is so humble about it (and gay to boot)! The King wonders where Link is, and even looks behind his chair.

Upstairs, Link is in his bedroom, having a bath and sulking about Zelda jumping on Facade's bandwagon, until Spryte flies into the room with a clean towel. Link then asks Spryte if she got those clothes he requested, because if Zelda wants a prince, she'll get one. Spryte doesn't agree with it, and Link tells her to get out and let him bathe in peace. You already know about the love triangle I mentioned in my previous discussion, and who wouldn't love to see Spryte grow to human size just like Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell in the 1991 Peter Pan movie Hook.

Back in the lounge, Facade demonstrates on how to get women: just act like you don't care about them, and they'll just want you more. Suddenly, Link enters the room, wearing a gawdy-yet-cool prince outfit, only to trip over his own spurs and get laughed at by everyone. If I were Link, I'd just get out my sword and blast everybody in the room. But instead, he just storms out, leaving Zelda feeling rather guilty about laughing at Link. Here's another alternate ending for this episode: Link chops off Facade's head, and then leaves the lounge all soaked in blood with Zelda laying there lifeless, and Spryte with devil horns.

Back to the episode, as he strips himself of his prince clothes back into his regular outfit, Link furiously tells Spryte that Zelda laughed at him. Sprtye tries to calm Link down, but Link decides enough is enough, and plans to leave Hyrule for good. If Zelda wants the Triforce of Wisdom protected, Facade can do it. Link then jumps out of his bedroom window, bounces off a tent, and lands on his feet next to his horse, who is named Catherine, not Epona, and rides out of the castle (this little stunt proves why Hyrule needs Link).

Ganon seems to be happy by this turn of events, so he orders a strike force of Moblins, Tektites, and one Zola to go to the castle and capture Zelda immediately.

Facade finishes his latest tall tale, as the King is already asleep. Zelda and Facade are about to kiss, when Ganon's goons suddenly burst in! The Moblins captures Zelda and give her to the Zola, while the Tektites pin Facade down, all while the King still sleeps. You see here, Link will win!

Speak of the Devil, just as he's nearly out of Hyrule, Link hears Zelda screaming for help, and struggles with himself over what to do. Link, bit of advice: leave Zelda and just go! Unfortunately, my advice falls upon deaf ears, as Link rides back to save her like the hero he is.

The Zola carries Zelda out of North Castle, as Facade tries to keep up. Any minute, he's gonna fall flat on his face and get dirty. Actually, as the Zola takes Zelda into a nearby bank of muddy water, Facade stops at the edge of the bank, refusing to go any further, as well as telling Zelda that he simply does not want to get dirty, and Zelda is irate that she worshipped such a useless so-and-so like Facade. Meanwhile, Ganon is gloating along the lines of "I win! Mud was the victor! My secret weapon!" and then calls for the swamp entrance to be raised.

As Zelda is nearly done for and Facade does nothing about it, Link comes riding in to save the day by jumping off his horse, doing a somersault through the air, and landing on his feet perfectly, which is something Facade can't do. Link then proceeds to lay the smackdown by blocking the Zola's fireball and then shoots the Zola three times (without hitting Zelda luckily)! As she falls into the mud, Zelda thanks Link for saving her. Link smiles and tells Zelda that it's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

As the two proceed to climb out of the muddy bank, Facade tries to make up with an angry Zelda. But she has none of it, and makes him fall into the mud, and Link takes back the rupee! Prince Facade got pwned, it all comes back! Link and Zelda walk off together, back to the castle, Link asks Zelda for a kiss, and Facade just shrugs, the end.

The lesson we've learned today is don't judge a book by its cover, and if you want the job done right, you gotta pick the right man for the job. By the way, we've got one more Zelda episode discussion coming on the way, so stay tuned!

Howdy. It's time once again for another episode discussion. I'm Deepthroat Ghoul, and today, I am talking about the second episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon show, "Cold Spells" (written by Phil Harnage). Last time, we found out that Link is a moron and just wants to get some from Princess Zelda.

We begin the episode with the first day of spring in Hyrule. For Link, love is blooming. But for Princess Zelda, it's time for spring cleaning. You see, Zelda has to rely on the hero who's protecting the Triforce of Wisdom to mop the floors of North Castle instead of an entire fleet of staff. As Zelda heads off, Link hatches a plan to get out this chore: he'll pretend to be sick. As Spryte shows up, Link definately does a good job of fooling Spryte into thinking he has a cold.

Meanwhile, Zelda is disgusted at the massive pile of dirty laundry in Link's bedroom, and opens a window, only to be ambushed by a Moby. But luckily, Zelda throws the Moby beak-first into the smelly socks, causing it to fly away. Zelda then lies down on the bed, making herself look really sexy. Link enters and tries to pounce on Zelda, who easily evades and tells Link to go clean the kitchen. But Spryte intervenes, telling Zelda that Link needs to rest because of his "cold". Zelda reluctantly agrees, but reminds Spryte that she has to help out with the cleaning. You know, this scene sets up the love triangle: Link loves Zelda, Zelda loves money, and Spryte loves Link.

We then find out that the aformentioned Moby was sent by Ganon to spy on the castle. Ganon then thanks the Moby by killing it. Back to North Castle, we finally get to see the real cleaning staff helping out, as Spryte then buys an orange from an old woman, only to get zapped by Ganon. In the next scene, Link is in his bedroom, practicing his sword-fighting skills, but has to quickly jump into bed once he hears Spryte's voice. Spryte leaves the orange on the table, then leaves.

Later, Zelda orders Spryte to clean her bedroom. Spryte tries to do that, but because she was zapped by Ganon earlier, Spryte's magic powers are now screwed up, and cause a huge mess. Link and Zelda head upstairs to see what the commotion is, only to get pushed back down by a flood. Meanwhile, Ganon takes advantage of the confusion by stealing the Triforce of Wisdom.

While we're at it, since Link and Zelda have the Triforce of Wisdom, and Ganon has the Triforce of Power, there doesn't seem to be any sign of the Triforce of Courage. Also, since you get one wish when all the Triforces are brought together, why doesn't Ganon (whose wish is to conquer Hyrule) bring his Triforce with him when he's trying to steal Zelda's Triforce? Or better yet, why don't Link and Zelda go after Ganon's Triforce? So many questions, so little time!

Long story short, Link and Zelda defeat the possessed cleaning utensils, realise that Ganon stole the Triforce of Wisdom, and go after him (with Spryte following behind).

In the forest, instead of just teleporting back to his lair, Ganon is riding a beetle, only for Link and Zelda to chase after him on their horses. They and Spryte then follow Ganon into his underground lair, only for Link and Zelda to get captured in a jar and attacked by a Gohma. But luckily, Spryte uses her magic to free her friends, then blasts Ganon's lair. Link defeats the Gohma, and Zelda tries to get the Triforce of Power, but Link says that they've got to escape now.

Sometime later, back at North Castle, the Triforce of Wisdom is returned to its pedestal, and Link and Spryte both feel comfortable that they can rest for a while since Ganon will be fixing his lair for a long time (at least until the next episode). But, Zelda then orders to to clean up her bedroom. So funny.

There you have it, the second of four Zelda discussions, because I'll be back soon for the next episode.