The crew dresses up in bizarre costumes in the hopes that they can convince the doctor that they're suffering from medical fatigue. They need to get to New Caledonia to deliver the war souvenirs that they're hawking, or they're bankrupt. The crew sneak up to Binghamton's window, and overhear him talking to Colonel Pryor. Actress Rita Howard has a free day and Binghamton wants Pryor to bring her over from New Caledonia for a show. Pryor hangs up on him, and Binghamton tells Carpenter that Admiral Rogers is a fan of Rita. Binghamton hoped that when Rogers came to see her, he could discuss the admiral's chief of staff appointment with him.
The crew takes in what they heard, and Gruber says that he's had a better idea. He tells Christy that he's going to write their ticket to New Caledonia and they take off past Molly.
Later, Gruber and Christy visits Binghamton and ask for leave to go to New Caledonia. Binghamton orders them out, and Gruber loudly whispers to Christy that he'll have to write his "cousin" Rita and say that the family reunion is off. When the commander overhears them--as intended--Gruber apologizes for letting it slip. Christy has "accidentally" dropped the letter from Rita that he forged. Once Binghamton reads it, he asks Christy to get Rita to come to the base. Christy points out that he can't ask her if they don't get the leave, and Binghamton tells them to start packing.
Later, Gruber tells McHale his scheme. He points out that Binghamton will be furious when Rita doesn't show up, just as Binghamton pulls up in his gig. Fuji heads for the hills and Binghamton gives Christy his leave papers. When McHale tries to explain, Binghamton cuts him off and says that he's invited Rogers over for Rita's show. When McHale warns that Rita might not show up, Binghamton makes it clear that if there's no show then the crew will end up in the brig.
The crew goes to New Caledonia and start chanting outside of the base where Rita is staying. When she comes out, the Marine guard refuses to let them talk to her. McHale sends Parker to distract the guard while he pulls Rita away and introduces himself. He explains about the situation and how they need her to perform on their base, and Rita agrees to help out. Pryor comes out and says that they're flying out to Pearl Harbor, and refuses to see down for even an hour.
Back at the 73, the crew considers what to do. When Gruber says that they're going to the control tower operator to hand off the goods, McHale gets an idea. Once they get Pryor out of the way, they'll reroute Rita's plane to Taratupa. Soon, the plane lands at Taratupa and McHale says that they have to disembark because of an epidemic on New Caledonia. Parker poses as a doctor but Pryor refuses to budge until the crew starts fumigating the plane.
At the hospital, Parker checks everyone's temperature except Rita. She realizes that something is going on but plays along, and Parker reports that Pryor is infected. They get everyone else out and an amused Rita tells McHale that she'll put on her act.
McHale drives Rita to where the troops are waiting. Binghamton and Rogers greet Rita and Binghamton makes sure to flatter Christy. She gives Christy a "family" kiss and then goes to change.
Gruber and Tinker strap Pryor down and Parker examines him. He "confirms" that Pryor is sick.
Rita performs for the troops and McHale motions to Christy that he's leaving as the show wraps up.
Parker tests Pryor's reflexes, and McHale returns to ask how things are going. Pryor orders them to release him, and McHale has Gruber and Tinker release him. Once Pryor goes to get dressed, McHale says that they have to keep him there until he an get everyone else on the plane. He locks the dressing room door, gives the key to Parker, and leaves.
Binghamton and Rogers thank Rita for performing, and Rogers wonders where Pryor is. Carpenter has heard that Pryor is at the hospital, and Rogers tells Binghamton to check on the colonel while he escorts Rita to the officers' club. Binghamton has no choice but to go over with Carpenter. McHale arrives and Christy tells him what's going on, and they drive after Binghamton.
Binghamton enters the examining room where Pryor is yelling and banging on the door. He spots Parker as the fake doctor just as McHale comes in. Pryor knocks the door down and threatens to report Binghamton, who has no idea what is going on. McHale whispers to Binghamton that he's in just as deep as they are, and Binghamton has to tell Pryor that Parker really is a doctor. Parker starts examining Binghamton and splints his leg... and his wrist.
Rogers arrives and demands an explanation. Pryor wants to file charges, and Rogers says that Parker is one of his finest medics. He orders Pryor to change his mind and get on the plane, or face demotion. Once Pryor runs off, Binghamton says that he had nothing to do with it. Rogers chuckles and says that McHale will have to take all the credit, and admits that Rita told him the entire story. He's happy that someone has put Pryor in his place.
Written by Gadfly on Dec 27, 2016