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Ransom Recap

Three men are golfing, and their leader Dick lands his ball in the sand pit. When the other two complain, Dick reminds them that he b ailed out their companies. They let him take the shot, and Margot arrives and tells Dick that they're calling off the search. Dick shrugs it off, saying that he's been losing money on Danny ever since he was born. He figures the plane going down was the best thing that ever happened to their legacy, and then has a heart attack. The golf cart that Dick is in comes to a halt and he starts to recover... and the cart blows up.

At the funeral, the family lawyer Tom Montgomery asks Margot how she wants to classify Danny's disappearance. Margot tells him that it can wait, and insists that Danny is alive somewhere.

On the island, the pirates order Danny to come with them or they'll kill everybody else. Owen stops his friend says that it's all a big misunderstanding. He points out that Danny looks nothing like a millionaire's son, The pirates insist that they know who Danny is, and Danny admits that it's true. Owen tells them that they'll have to kill him first, and they prepare to do it. When they prepare to kill him, Florence steps forward and says that they'll have to kill her first. Jess steps up next, and the pirates ask who else want to die. Todd refuses to step up until Jess insists, and the others step up as well.

The pirates wonder what's wrong with the survivors, and figure that they don’t have enough bullets to kill everyone. Meanwhile, Danny tells the others that he has a plan and prepares to go for his hidden gun. Owen warns that the pirates will gun them all down, but Danny figures that he can take both of them with one shot. The pirates figure that they should go back to their ship and get more bullets. One of them wants to call the Barracuda, and points out Turdhole's body on the sand.

Karen lifts Steve up so to the edge of the pit so that he can see what's happening. The pirates see Steve's head, just as Karen drops him, and they agree to call their boss, the Barracuda. The pirates fire off a flare and on the ship, the Barracuda prepares to go ashore.

The Barracuda arrives on a jet ski and it backfires and stops. She finally wades ashore, screaming in frustration, and then shoots the jet ski until it blows up. Danny draws his gun and tells her to take them all home or he'll blow her head off. The Barracuda walks over and dares Danny to shoot her. he realizes that she's not afraid to die, and if he shoots her then the pirates will gun them down. He hands over his gun, and the Barracuda tosses it away and says that they're her guests and they can be civilized. She tells the pirates to tend to Todd's wounds and prepare her quarters. The Barracuda notices Turdhole's bod and asks who killed him.

Once they tell the Barracuda that Steve killed Turdhole, the survivors take her over to the pit and Steve figures their best bet is to play dead. They're not very good at it. Steve insists that he had to kill Turdhole, and the Barracuda tells him to dig Turdhole a proper grave and bury him, while she talks to Danny and Owen in private.

The Barracuda tells Danny and Owen that they want to get home and she wants to ransom Danny for $10 million. She's tired of being a pirate and the ransom is her ticket out. The Barracuda figures that they'll call Dick, get the money, and have him pick up everyone. Danny says that his father won't pay, but Barracuda calls Dick's office. Margot answers and says that Dick is dead. Danny speaks up and Margot realizes that her brother is alive. The Barracuda makes her demands, and Margot confirms that Danny is really who the Barracuda claims. The pirate leader says that she'll call in an hour and hangs up.

As Danny mourns his father's death, Pack tries to get everything straight. Everyone realizes that they're going home and cheers. Danny admits that his father was an asshole but he's still his dead, Todd and Pack cheer anyway, and Karen finishes digging Turdhole's grave. Chet performs the eulogy in beatnik poetry, and they soon tell him to stop. Steve wants to say a few words, and Jess tells the others to hear him out. Their former leader says that Turdhole was the best of them and breaks into tears, and then blames it on the gun. Karen apologizes for getting weird, and Owen notices that Danny is still upset. He tries to relate Turdhole's eulogy to Dick's, and says that deep down Turdhole loved them.

Danny cheers up a bit, and Pack notices a tattoo on Turdhole's chest. There are Nazi symbols all over his body, and they realize that he was a Nazi. Steve is relieved that he didn't kill an innocent man, and insists that he's a hero. The others don't buy it. The Barracuda says that it's time, and calls Margot back. She gives the Barracuda a raspberry and then refuses to negotiate. Margot tells them that if Danny comes back alive, he's entitled to half her fortune and she's not going to share it. Tom can't say anything because of attorney-client privilege. Danny pleads with his sister not to do it, but she calls him an idiot and says that all she had to do was get rid of Dick and then she got the money. Margot admits that she poisoned Dick, giving him a heart attack, and now the money's hers.

Once Margot hangs up, the Barracuda tells the survivors that there's been a setback. She's invested too much into the operation, so they're going to rape the island for all it's worth. Bruce says that they can take the island back and throws a spear at the Barracuda. She catches it and throws it into Bruce's leg, and the other survivors assure her that they'll cooperate.

Written by Gadfly on Jun 21, 2017

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