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Dirty Little Secret Recap

A man and women are having sex when the man hears something. She reminds him that her husband won't be back until Sunday, and they continue having sex. Once they're done, the woman says that she never really does it and the man tells her that she's the only one. She's surprised that she's the only one ever, and figures that it's crazy. The woman says that he could have any girl he wants, and he says that he only wants her. The man gets up and looks out the windows, and looks at the olive trees. He then says that he has to go because he promised that he would do something for his father. The man tells her that he wants her to remember one thing: he loves her… and she can ever tell anyone about what they did.

She agrees, just as there's a knock on the door. The man--Jesus--opens the door and his disciples wonder where he's been. Jesus says that he was in the garden but they passed out, so he came to bless the ailing woman. The woman unconvincingly coughs, and Jesus tells them that they'll understand some day. He tells the woman that it's been real and leaves with his disciplines. Thaddeus stays behind, having realized what Jesus was doing, and tells her that his secret is safe with him. He then turns and goes.


At the bar, Starr admits to Jesse that he ordered the hit on Jesse and the others. However, he's changed his mind and gives Jesse classified information on the Grail. Starr says that the Grail has been working hand-in-hand with Heaven. He admits that he doesn't know where God is, but he can offer the Grail's resources to find him. Jesse hits Starr with his case and repeats his question using the Word. Starr gives the same answer, and tells Jesse that his power is inspiring. He warns that Jesse needs him to find god, and God was last seen in New Orleans. Starr admits that they hired Mark Harelik to make the tape and arrange the cover-up. He then calls Durando and says to let them know that they're coming in. Out in the car, Starr insists that Jesse wear a hood. Jesse reluctantly puts it on and they drive off.

At the apartment, Tulip sleeps and dreams of the Cowboy. She wakes up and curses, and hears a woman giggling. Tulip goes to investigate and discovers the giggling is coming from Denis' room. Cassidy opens the door and asks if she's feeling better. Denis is in bed with a woman, September, and Cassidy tells Tulip that she's an early "birthday" gift for his son. Tulip asks him if he's seen Jesse, and Cassidy figures that he's out and doesn't know where he was going. Another prostitute enters the bedroom and Cassidy tells Tulip that they're going to play Twister. Tulip says that she's going to make breakfast and excuses herself.

In the kitchen, Tulip makes breakfast and stares at the burner flames. Lara comes by and asks about her gun that she loaned to Tulip. Tulip goes to get it and Lara comes in as Hoover watches her on the hidden camera. When she comes back, .Tulip says that the gun went off and offers to pay for the bullet. Lara assures her that it isn't necessary and asks if Tulip is okay. Tulip insists that she is but Lara points out that she lost an egg on the floor. She kneels to clean it up and puts it in the sink, and Tulip thanks her.

Jesse passes through the metal detector at the Grail HQ and Jesse realizes that he still has the Cowboy's bullet on him. They finally let him through and Starr takes him to see the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Lara makes pancakes and Tulip explains about them searching for God and the Cowboy. She figures that it's good that Jesse sent the Cowboy to Hell, but still thinks that something is wrong. Lara points out that Tulip didn't see what Jesse did, but assures Tulip that she's not going crazy. She talks about her alleged ex-boyfriend's drinking problem and how she knew he was drinking even when he said he wasn't. Lara tells Tulip that if something feels wrong then it is wrong.

Cassidy and the others run out and September tells Denis to be careful because he's being too rough. Tulip introduces Lara, and Cassidy says that they're going to get some breakfast. She says that they'll be fine, and Cassidy leaves with the others. Lara says that Cassidy is charming and damaged.

Jesse asks the Pope and the Archbishop where God is. The Archbishop makes sure that Jesse wants to know, and then talks about a rebellion of angels and now He's on the run. The Pope says "Give me a break" and insists that it's not true. He says that God has moved on to make a new creation, something more loving and just. The Archbishop doesn't believe him, and the Pope talks about a new species. Jesse figures that no one knows where God is, and Starr agrees. The Pope mentions the boy, and says that it's time for him to lead. Starr cuts him off and dismisses both men. Jesse asks who the boy is, and uses Genesis to force Starr to answer. Starr says that the boy is the Messiah.

The Past

The woman gives birth and the midwife hands him to three of the disciple. Thaddeus promises that they will protect the baby, and the mother asks to hold her child. The midwife beats her to death.


Starr says that the Grail has protected Christ's lineage for the end of the world. When hope is abandoned, their Savior will reveal himself to the frightened masses. The Grail has Jesus' 25th great grandson, and Starr says that the Messiah is sometimes less than forthcoming. He refuses to take Jesse to the grandson, until Jesse uses Genesis on him.

Cassidy takes Denis and the two women to a video game arcade. Denis attacks September in a photo booth and she runs out. She and the other woman run out, and Cassidy tells Denis that his body has changed and he can't act on some of his new appetites. Denis walks off and Cassidy looks at the strip of photos, which show Denis attacking September.

Lara and Tulip play Rock Band and Tulip explains how her parents put her I front of a TV when she was 9. Lara finally agrees to take a turn and misses the notes. She says that Tulip has had an awesome life robbing banks in Dallas and looking for God, and she gets to do it with someone she loves. Tulip points out that she never told Lara Dallas, and Lara says that Tulip told her at breakfast and maybe she forgot. After a moment, Tulip admits that she was upset and takes the guitar back. Lara asks where the bathroom is, and then goes to the bathroom, calls Hoover, and steps on the loose tile where Jesse hid the Cowboy's guns. She tells Hoover that she needs his help.

When Lara comes out of the bathroom, Tulip is waiting for her. She asks who Lara is, and insists that she didn't say anything about Dallas. Tulip yells at Lara, demanding to know who she really is. Lara reaches into her purse, and Tulip gives her three seconds to come clean. Hoover knocks on the door, calling to Lara, and Lara tells Tulip that she'll take care of it. She goes out into the hallway where Hoover, pretending to be her drunken ex, begs her to come home. Hoover slaps her, and Tulip comes up and knocks him unconscious. Lara asks her to stop so she can take a turn, and kicks Hoover repeatedly. She stops and chuckles, and Tulip chuckles as well.

Back at the apartment, Tulip tends to Lara's injuries and Lara says that she feels good for fighting back. She points out the loose tile and says that Tulip should fix it.

Starr drives Jesse to a private jet and flies him away. They then take a train and a car to where the Messiah is. The Messiah's guards take Jesse through a catacomb and take off the hood, Starr introduces Jesse to the Christ Child, their most precious figurehead. The Messiah, Humperdoo, turns to face them and Jesse kneels before him. Jesse says that he's been given Genesis to find God, and asks if he's on the right path. Humperdoo urinates on Jesse and hesitantly says that he's happy to see Jesse. The Messiah strokes Starr's head and says that it's shiny, and while Jesse discovers that Humperdoor has been sketching puppies. Jesse uses the Word on Humperdoo, who starts screaming in panic. Starr calls in the guards, who set Humperdoo down for a nap.

Tulip is checking beneath the sink for repair supplies when Cassidy comes in and shows her his new tattoo of a bird. He doesn't know where Denis is, and explains that Denis wanted some alone time. Cassidy suggests that they get stoned and play video games, and Tulip agrees.

In their apartment, a bruised Hoover asks if Tulip went for it. Lara says that Cassidy distracted her, and wishes that she could have killed Tulip. Tulip is only alive because Starr said not to kill her. All they have to do is break Tulip and Jesse up.

Later, Tulip goes to the bathroom to fix the tile. She pries up the tiles and finds the Cowboy's guns underneath. When she realizes what they are, Tulip realizes that Jesse lied to her.

As they drive back, Starr explains that there were problems with inbreeding. He tells Jesse that he was sodomized the other day and while it happened Starr thought of Jesse and his power. Starr thought for 13 years that he was trying to make a better world, but he's disillusioned because he's been serving someone unfit to rule. He asks why Jesse should look for God when he can be Him. Jesse says that it's blasphemy, and Starr dismisses it as semantics. They arrive at the apartment, and Jesse insists that there's only one true God and he will find him. Starr tells Jesse that he can't find him alone, and Jesse says that he has friends and they're helping him. The Grail leader asks if they are, just as Denis walks up smiling and goes inside. Starr tells Jesse to think about it and drives off.

Written by Gadfly on Aug 22, 2017

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