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The Tombs Recap

In Hell, a guard peers into a cell where a hologram is playing out. He opens the door and says that it's time, and the Saint of Killers steps out. The guard leads him into an elevator and they descend further into Hell. The elevator grinds to a halt and flame bellows in. The saint steps out into the burning realm of Hell and approaches Satan's fortress. Satan is on the phone to Allfather, and tells him that he wants no loose ends. Once he finishes his call, Satan welcomes the Saint and tells his assistant Sidney to take the Saint's coast and let them talk.

The Saint sits down across from Satan, who says that they wanted to see each other and brings up the Saint's breakout. He explains that souls escaping Hell is bad for him, and what is bad for him is just... bad. Satan tells the Saint that God is gone and he has big plans. However, without his reputation, the plans go nowhere, so he needs the Saint to make amends. Chains shoot down from the ceiling and suspend the Saint in midair, and Sidney starts whipping him while Satan looks on, smiling.

Tulip asks Sabina how she breaks the spell. Shutters slam down over the windows and Boyd says that she's not helping Tulip and there's no way out. The Boyds start pounding on the locked door, and Tulip shoots through it to keep them back and then shoots a hole in the floor. She then jumps on the wood and both her and Sabina fall through as the Boyds break in.

Back in the Day

Young Jesse welcomes the audience to the Tombs and says that two merciless monsters will fight each other, and the survivor will advance to the Redemption Round to fight Jody. Everyone places bets and Jesse begins the fight. The two fighters, drugged up, advance on each other, and Jesse steps aside and wipes his brow. He spots the Glue Guy, who says that he's just there to soak up the ambience. Jesse warns him that he has to pay off his debts. Jody steps out of the shadows and tells Jesse to squeeze every last drop out of them. Jesse tells him to go easy this time, and Jody says that it's easy every time.

Jody steps into the ring to fight the victor. In the back, T.C. is mixing adrenaline shots. Jesse comes in and says that they're going to need two more, and T.C. brings in some prisoners and asks who wants a chance to get their soul back. All of them offer, and T.C. asks Jesse if he has anything planned for the weekend. Jesse says that he's going to a movie, and T.C. warns him not to let Marie find out that he's seeing a girl. T.C. then selects a prisoner and leads him off. Jody has killed his opponent, and says that the spirit took him. However, he figures that Jesse can always rope in some more. Jesse braces himself, puts on the beaver hat, and goes back into the arena.


Cassidy and Hal fight as Jesse looks on. Hal cuts Cassidy with his chain saw, grabs a machete, and charges forward. Cassidy grabs a hammer and hits him in the head, and Hal goes down. The vampire goes over and asks if he's all right, and Jesse presents Cassidy to the crowd as their new champion and says that the next fight is in one hour. Jody comes over and Jesse insists that Cassidy isn't his friend, and as a vampire will need blood as he kicks him unconscious.

Once Jody and T.C. leave, Jesse tells Cassidy that he said that he was going to hate him. Cassidy agrees, and Jesse picks up the machete and starts cutting Cassidy apart.

Tulip drives through the night with Sabina and takes a side road, dodging their pursuers. Sabina says that she's going the wrong way to Angelville, and that she'll never help Jesse out of the spell. Unimpressed, Tulip asks why she hates Jesse so much. Sabina says that Jesse is the worst person that she's ever loved.

The Past

Jesse and Sabina meet with Sabina's brother, Kenny, who tells them a story about taking a peg-legged man's wooden leg. Sabina tells him to get her some customers while they fool around. Once Kenny leaves, Sabina starts kissing Jesse. He hesitates and she asks if he's mooning over Tulip. Jesse claims that he isn't, and Boyd tells him to get undressed and there won't be any customers because Marie took them all. As she undresses, Sabina says that eventually she'll beat Marie at her own game. Jesse remembers the Tombs, and then gets dressed and tells Sabina that he's going. He's an heir to Angelville and he's not going to screw that up over trash like Sabina. Once Jesse leaves, Sabina screams in pain.


Tulip isn't impressed and Sabina says that she hasn't heard the end of the story. Undeterred, Tulip keeps driving.

Jesse and Jody drive off, and Jesse insists that Cassidy isn't his friend. He's a vampire, and they can chop him up and feed him blood to heal, and the money will keep rolling in. Jody lights a cigarette with a lighter and says that it's just like old times, and Jesse notes where he puts the lighter down.

Jody and Jesse arrive at a liquor store to get kegs, and Jesse goes over to a frozen-yogurt and USPS store to get some product, taking the bag with Cassidy's pieces with him. Inside, he says that he wants to ship something. The clerk directs him to the shipping supplies, and Jesse takes out Cassidy and puts him in a box. Cassidy's head asks if that's how Jesse is going to get rid of him, and Jesse insists that he's saving him because it was the only way to get him out of the Tombs. Cassidy insists that there was another way, and says that Jesse is an evil bastard and Tulip will see him. Jesse tapes up the box and addresses it to New Orleans.

Tulip stops at a light and Sabina tells her that she's lost. As she drives on, Tulip points out that Sabina is the one who wants Jesse dead. Sabina says that Jesse broke her heart twice.

The Past

Jesse calls for a challenger, and Kenny says that he'll fight Jesse for calling Sabina trash. When Jesse says that he insulted trash, Kenny umps him. They fight and Jesse chokes Kenny until Kenny begs him to stop. Jesse strangles him to death, strands up, and asks the audience if they're entertained. Everyone cheers.


Tulip brakes to a halt and says that the story is a lie, but Sabina insists that Angelville brings out the worst in her. Her captor gets out of the car, puts a gun to her head, and tells her to get out.

The clerk finds a blood trail leading from the box, and realizes that whatever was inside escaped.

In the Tombs, T.C. tells Jesse and Jody that Cassidy chewed himself free. He holds up the one hand that Jesse left behind, and Jody tells T.C. to find him. The crowd cheers for a fight, and Jesse goes out and welcomes everyone, smiling. He announces that God has left Heaven to test them, and if he finds out God just gave up then he's going to be really pissed. Finally, Jesse says that the Tombs are closed and orders everyone out.

A taped-together Cassidy comes down the stairs singing, and Jesse tells Jody that he'll take first crack at him.

Tulip gets back in the car and waits, her head against the wheel. Once she gets control of herself, Tulip drives on.

Jesse and Cassidy fight, and Jody looks on in satisfaction as Jesse takes Cassidy down. He whispers to the vampire to stay down.

Tulip pulls up outside the tombs, and sees the man come out to turn off his car alarm.

Cassidy gets up and renews his attack, and Jesse pounds him down with a baseball bat. He whispers to Cassidy to stay down, and Jesse sees Tulip in the crowd. Cassidy looks up at Jesse, smiling, and Tulip shoves her way through the crowd . Jesse drives a piece of broken baseball bat through Cassidy, and yells that the Tombs are back in business. He yells at Tulip that it's going to happen night after night, and he's a L'Angelle. Jesse tells Julip that she and Cassidy can go if they don't like it, and asks if she gets it. Tulip nods, and Jesse walks off.

Later, Tulip waits in the car and Cassidy staggers up wearing Hal's skin as a suit and a disguise. He gets in and Tulip drives off. Cassidy says that Jesse is just a product of his environment and it isn't his fault, and says that they can go wherever they want. Tulip pulls over at a bus stop, and Cassidy realizes that they're not going off together. He asks why, and Tulip says that he can't stay there because it isn't safe. Cassidy wonders how she can stay with Jesse after everything he's done, and refuses to go without Tulip. He says that he loves her, and Tulip tells him that she doesn't love him. Cassidy looks at the love spell vial in his pocket, and then says that they should have gone to Bimini as he puts the vial back. He then gets out and goes to the bus to New Orleans... unaware that Lara is a few seats back.

Tulip goes back to Angelville and confronts Jesse, and says that he pretended to be mean to protect Cassidy. She figures he did the same to Sabina to keep her safe, and says that she needs a boyfriend that levels with her. Tulip asks if he wants them to be good again, and asks what happened to Kenny.

The Past

Kenny strangles Jesse, who begs him to stop. When Kenny doesn't, Jesse chokes him to death. Jesse stares down at the corpse in shock, and Jody presents him to the audience as the winner and asks if the audience is entertained.


Tulip realizes that Angelville sucks, and Jesse tells her to wait and find out what it's really like. She says that she will wait, and Jesse asks if they're good. Tulip tells him that there's only one way to find out and they kiss.

The next morning, Tulip wakes up and remembers Sabina. She tells Jesse to go back to sleep, then goes out to her car and opens the trunk to reveal Sabina inside. Tulip apologies for forgetting about her, and wonders why the Boyds didn't come. Sabina says that she called and told them not to call, and says that Tulip can break Marie's spell. She explains that all she has to do is get rid of the person who cast it. Sabina promises that nothing will happen to Jesse, and says that she hates Marie even more than she hates Jesse.

Sidney keeps whipping the Saint until Satan tells her to stop. Satan is impressed that the Saint never screamed, and says that they need to talk. The Saint says that he wants the Preacher, and Satan says that needs the Saint to go up and bring two people down to him that are threatening his expansion plans. He needs them back alive, and if the Saint can do it then he'll get his gun back and he can kill anyone he wants. The Saint walks away, his back flayed to the bone.

Written by Gadfly on Jul 16, 2018

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