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Hilter Recap

Hitler is working at a sandwich shop store making sandwiches and stocking the shelves. His boss Marty Once Marty leaves, says that he has to duck out and tells Hitler to cover for him with his wife. Hitler takes his beak and listens to his co-workers talk. They ask him what he thinks about one of the workers being given a parking spot a half mile away, and Hitler says that their problems are nothing compared to the Jews. He starts ranting about the structure of the state and extermination in German, and his co-workers agree with him even though they don't know what he's saying.

Later, Hitler is scribbling his plan on a napkin when the Saint comes in and calls to him. Hitler figures that Satan send the saint, and says that he needs an Interior Minister and could use someone like the Saint. Eugene is with the Saint and says that he should never have let him out. Marty comes in to ask Hitler to cover for him again, and wonders what's going on. Hitler explains that they want to take him back to Hell. When Marty objects, the Saint slams him into a case. Hitler insists that he has too much to do and isn't going back.

Soon, the Saint leads the chained Eugene and Hitler across a field.

Jesse and Tulip send Sabina's body off into the swamp on a raft, and Tulip offers her condolences as Jesse lights the raft on fire. Starr flies in via helicopter with Lara, and Jesse takes them to Marie and the others.

Cassidy is shooting pool with the vampire groupies and talking about drug use in the 60s. He insists that things are better and takes another shot. Eccarius leads Cassidy into the next room and shows him his coffins. He points out the one that is for Cassidy, and says that it's the vampire way. Cassidy prefers bean bag chairs, but thanks him for the thought. Eccarius says that there will be another blood ceremony that night and Lisa has been chosen, and she would consider it an honor if Cassidy does it. Cassidy says that it's not his thing, and Eccarius tells him that he's wrong and goes back to the Children and says that it's Deng's time to fly.

The Children chant and applaud, and Deng goes outside. Lisa tells Cassidy that Eccarius is taking Deng to the airport to go on mission work to make the world safer. For 50 years, Eccarius has been sending them all over the world to turn those would join them in their fight and create new havens to provide safe sanctuary for vampires. Cassidy admits that it's cool, and Lisa puts in her fangs.

Jesse, Marie, and Starr sit together and Starr says that he will pay Jesse's debt to Marie in return for her letting Jesse help him with a "business dispute". Marie asks what he does, and Starr claims that he's in crisis management with resources to make it worth her while. He offers to restore her business and her manor, or provide her with a television program. Marie says that she wants souls, and Starr gets a call from Fj. FJ says that he's going to get his leverage, and then goes into a church's confessional booth. He gives a code phrase and the priest in the other booth drops FJ's booth: an elevator. Priests are training, and FJ tells them that he wants to catch a vampire.

Tulip, Lara, Jody, and TC wait in the kitchen. TC offers to tend to Lara's broken nose, but she declines. Starr mentions Genesis and TC asks what it is. Lara explains says that a bitch sucker-punched her, and Tulip says that it's not a sucker punch if the victim can see it coming. Lara says that it all worked out in the end and they were smart to call them. Tulip tells her that she needs them more than they need her, and Lara figures that Jesse would have been out of the mess a long time ago if Tulip wasn't around.

Jesse shows Starr the Soul Happy Go Go case and figures that Sabina was in business with the Japanese. Starr says that the Grail owns the business, and agrees to provide them with souls. Marie tells him to do it and then Starr can "borrow" Jesse. Starr says that he needs Jesse now but it will take two hours to get the soul. Marie uses the blood compact to slam Jesse into the wall, and tells Starr that if she doesn't get her what she wants, she'll make sure Jesse is of no use to him.

Jody and TC come in, while Tulip and Lara fight in the kitchen. Starr goes there and tells Lara to break it up. He orders her to go to Japan, and Jesse says that Starr claimed it was easy, and Starr admits that he lied. Jesse tells Tulip to go to Japan with Lara. Once he phrases it as a request, Tulip sucker-punches Lara and agrees to go.

Cassidy talks to Lara about bacteria, and she tells him that she doesn't care. She lies down on the altar and waits for Cassidy to turn her. The Children come into watch, and Cassidy goes through the Eccarius' ritual. Lisa agrees to be turned, and Cassidy whispers to her that she doesn't have to do it. She says that she wants to do it and asks Cassidy if he does. He finally bites her neck and keeps biting until Eccarius stops him. Cassidy walks away and Eccarius helps Lisa up as the others applaud. She puts her fake fangs in the tank with the others and reveals her real ones, and Eccarius tells her that the next day she will fly.

Afterward, Eccarius sits with Cassidy and tells him that it's okay if it feels good. Cassidy asks if Eccarius wants to go out.

Starr goes over the plans for Soul Happy Go Go with Lara and Tulip. Lara has a cover story for her nose, and Starr doesn't want to hear it. Tulip wants to stick to her usual cover name, and Lara is unimpressed with how simple it is. Starr gives her a white Grail suit, and Tulip asks to talk to Jesse privately. He says that's how they win, but Tulip warns him that the Grail is double-crosses. Either Jesse gets back with Genesis and kills Marie, or Tulip returns with the souls and pays Marie off. Tulip warns that Lara will keep pushing her until she screws up, and Jesse says that there is no Curse of the O'Hares. He assures her that she's the most survingest woman he's ever met, and tells her to relax and breath if Lara messes with her.

Eccarius flies Cassidy over New Orleans and then they go to a bar to drink. The older vampire uses his powers to seduce the bartender, and Cassidy tries the same thing with two women. Entranced, they come over and Cassidy realizes that Eccarius has been helping him. One woman goes to each vampire and kisses them.

Later, Cassidy lies out on the sidewalk and tries to transform into a cat. Eccarius has already done so, and they talk as FJ and one of the priests watch them. FJ tells the priests to do what they want with Eccarius, and the priests prepare to move in.

Tulip changes into the Grail suit and tells Jesse not to say anything about it. She asks him to check on Cassidy when he goes to New Orleans, and admits that she's worried about him. TC, Starr, and Lara come out and TC tells them that Jody will take good care of them. Tulip kisses Jesse and tells him to watch his ass. Lara tells Starr to watch his ass, and says that she'll call him. He wonders why, and Lara says that she'll meet him when the mission is done. Marie calls Jesse into her study, and once they're alone TC tells Starr that he likes his hat and used to have one made out of possum guts. Starr fakes a phone call to avoid listening to him.

Marie tells Jesse that he's going to stay there with her. Jesse insists that his leaving is a good thing because she'll finally get what she's always wanted. Marie says that she hopes so or she'll tear Jesse in half and send his soul to Hell like he did with his mother. Jesse promises that he'll come back to her.

Cassidy and Eccarius are walking down the street and Cassidy admits that he might have been being a vampire all wrong. Eccarius tells Cassidy that he's a junkie and he loves it, and the priests shoot tranq darts into Cassidy. They use ultraviolet lights to encircle Eccarius, and a nun walks up to Cassidy and prepares to shoot him. He explains that he's built up a tolerance to tranquilizers, pulls out one dart, and stabs the nun with it. He takes out the priests and FJ runs away.

Cassidy figures that Eccarius is dead, but Eccarius comes over transformed into a mouse and assures Cassidy that given enough time, they can do anything. Eccarius reverts to human form, and assures Cassidy that it wasn't his fault. Cassidy explains that the priests came after him because of Jesse and Tulip. Eccarius tells him that the Grail will have to come after all of them, and Cassidy kisses him.

As Lara and Tulip fly to Japan, Lara takes Tulip's in-flight magazine. Lara continues taunting Tulip, who tries to keep control of herself. Jody is in the seat in front of them, and tells her to back it up when she puts her head against his chair. Tulip punches the seat in frustration.

Eccarius takes Lisa out to a car in a storage unit to take her to the airport. He tells her that there has never been a plane, turns up the radio, and asks why he would send another vampire into the world. Eccarius describes vampires as stinking vermin. When Lisa points out that he's a vampire as well, Eccarius says that he's worst one of all and kills her. He then drives out of the storage unit into the daylight, surrounded by the ashes of all the other vampires that he's killed.

As they drive off, Jesse confirms their plan with Starr. He asks what happens if he doesn't want to be Starr's Messiah once he gets Genesis, and Starr tells him to trust him. Starr asks Jesse to promise that he won't turn against him and in return he'll take Jesse to his soul. Jesse promises, and Starr drives him to a garage. Grail operatives are waiting, and FJ calls to tell him that he lost Cassidy. Starr tells him that he'll kill him if he fails the mission and hangs up.

TC paints Marie's toenails, and asks her what a Genesis is. Marie asks where he heard about it.

Eccarius goes to Cassidy, sleeping in his coffin, and bites his neck. Cassidy wakes up and Eccarius closes the lid.

Starr takes Jesse down into his offices and says that the soul is in the reception area. He vows that he's with Jesse, but says that if Jesse wants his soul then he'll have to kill Allfather. The elevator doors open and Starr puts his gun to Jesse's head and says that they have Jesse.

Written by Gadfly on Aug 6, 2018

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