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The Tom / Brady Recap

Starr tells Jesse that if he wants his soul back, he'll have to kill Allfather. Allfather greets Jesse, who yanks Starr's gun away and shoots it at Allfather. One of the guards takes the bullet, and the other ones attack Jesse. He takes them down as the elevator goes back to the lobby, and a fired employee stares at them until the doors close.

Starr and Allfather listen to the gunshots. When the elevator arrives, Jesse steps over the bodies and asks Allfather who he is. Allfather introduces himself and says that Jesse's soul is in a safe place, and Jesse shoots him in the stomach. After Allfather goes down, Jesse hands the gun to Starr and Starr says that Jesse's soul is in a safe place: up Allfather's ass. Allfather congratulates Jesse on the show and gets back up as the guards surround Jesse, and Allfather tells the guards not to shoot Jesse because he has Genesis.

T.C. tells Marie that they're back from Osaka with more souls then she can count. Marie goes to see them, and finds Jody and Jody standing there as Lara's corpse lies on the couch. Jody assures Marie that they did it, and Tulip says that Lara was shot. Marie asks for her souls, and Jody tells them that they're outside out front. The older woman goes out and finds Sabine waiting with everyone who has died in Angelville. Sabine says that Marie can't put it off forever, and Tulip closes the front doors on Marie. Jesse appears and tells Marie that he came back, and then all of the people advance on Marie.

Marie wakes up from her nightmare and goes to the old phone. A voice at the other end asks what she wants.

Cassidy gets into a limo with Eccarius and says that Lisa still hasn't returned his calls. When Eccarius says that it's still early in Spain, Cassidy points out that Eccarius said that he was sending her to Gdansk. Cassidy figures that Eccarius is a bad man but they're not very spot with the Grail after them. Eccarius promises to eradicate them, and they arrive at Kevin's house. Once they leave, FJ removes his disguise as the driver and garbs himself for vampire fighting, looks at the mirror and says that he believes in himself. He realizes that the Children have surrounded the limo.

Satan comes to see Marie at Angelville. He tells T.C. to go, and then admits that he was surprised to get Marie's call. Marie says that she has a problem and thought of Satan, and explains that a girl tried to kill her. Satan agrees to kill her, and asks when Marie is coming to Hell to join them. He reminds her that he gave her the power to say alive by eating souls, but when she dies he belongs to her. Marie tells him that they're making a new deal, and Satan wonders what he gets. She says that Jesse is a vengeful little boy and has something that Satan wants.

In Osaka, Tulip and Jody wait out in the van. Lara joins them and says that she signed them in as HR representatives. Tulip chews on gum to get into character, and then they go in to rob the place.

Allfather removes the bullets and says that they're taking Genesis. Jesse is unimpressed, and says that he has faith that he has been chosen and Genesis belongs to him. He describes everything that he's been through and yet Genesis still resides in him. Allfather tells him that he's a fool, and two Grail operatives bring in a gurney. They strap Jesse in and Allfather induces vomiting. Jesse whispers to Starr to get him out, and Starr tells him to shoot Allfather in the head with the gun that he put in Jesse's pocket. Allfather asks Starr if they're ready, and Starr confirms that they are. The leader then says that they'll coax Genesis out of Jesse, and Starr attaches an electrode to Jesse's neck. Jesse dares Allfather to remove Genesis, saying that he can't wait to see it kill him. The Grail operatives hook a tube up to the gurney, and Allfather says there is one more deserving of Genesis than him. In the next room, Humperdoo comes in, and Allfather says that he's the future home of the Word of God. Starr turns on the electricity and Genesis goes through the tube and slams into Humperdoo. Humperdoo stands back up and then explodes and Genesis flows back into Jesse. Allfather tells his people to bring in the next one. Operatives hose down the chamber and bring in another Humperdoo. Allfather tells Jesse that the Grail has used science to create more Humperdoos.

Lara, Jody, and Tulip perform a skit about sexual harassment, and Lara explains that headquarters has sent them to implement a new policy. She calls up Director Matsukata and says that this time Tulip will be the assailant and Matsukata the victim. Tulip fakes a sexual harassment situation with Matsukata, and Lara stops it, has everyone applaud Matsukata, and says that they're taking a break. Once the executives leave, Tulip shows Lara that she stole Matsukata's security badge.

In Hell, Satan returns to his office and tells Sidney that he has a job for her: bring Tulip to her.

Humperdoos keep blowing up as Allfather keeps trying to transfer Genesis into them. Allfather tells Jesse that Dr. Louis Slotnick is creating a genetic cocktail, and tells Starr to bring Slotnick in. Slotnick explains that Genesis would require that a successful hot be composed of specific proportions of goodness and badness. She figures that the answer is a DNA cocktail containing a combination of two persons: Serena Williams and Louis XVI. When their DNA is mixed, it will replicate the same mixture that exists in Jesse. She tosses the mixture in the garbage and assures Jesse that soon they'll have the answer. While she talks with Allfather, Starr says that he can't shoot Allfather because he's scare of him. He wonders what has to be done, and his cellphone rings. Starr claims that it's the caterers and steps out to take the call. It's a picture of FJ as a hostage.

Starr texts back telling the Children to kill FJ. They confirm that it's not auto-correct, and discuss how to kill FJ. Eccarius wonders why they should kill FJ, and suggests that there might be a better use for him. Cassidy realizes that Eccarius wants to turn FJ into a vampire, and Eccarius says that they should give FJ the choice of death or everlasting life.

Tulip and Lara enter the soul storage facility and look up at the surveillance camera. The guards wonder how they have Matsukata's security access, don their gear, and go to check it out. However, Jody comes in and says that it's time to check their browser history. A few minutes later, he texts Tulip that he's taken care of the situation. The two women go to work on the vault door, and Lara starts hacking the lock. She tells Tulip to chew her gum and weight, and Tulip prepares to pick the lock. A blast of electricity knocks Tulip back. Lara smirks and goes back to work, and Tulip puts her gum on a knife and throws it at the door, opening it. The women go inside and find a vast chamber filled with souls.

Cassidy takes FJ through the ritual, and FJ agrees to become a vampire rather than die. Once FJ agrees, Cassidy bites his neck and everyone cheers as FJ becomes a vampire. Cassidy tries to fly and fails, and complains to Eccarius that he still can't do what Eccarius does. He asks Eccarius what he isn't teaching him, and Eccarius kisses him and advises patience. Eccarius then leads everyone in a cheer for FJ.

Tulip and Lara collect a case full of soul vials. Lara insults Tulip and then tells her to be professional, and they leave the vault. Jody finishes his crossword, and Marie calls him with new orders. He then joins them at the front desk, and Sidney watches them go. An executive comes over and sexually harasses her, and Sidney draws a knife and cuts his throat.

The jet lands in New Orleans, and Jody takes the case and says that they should meet her out front. Lara insults Tulip again and leaves. Sidney confronts Tulip and addresses her by name, and refuses to let her pass. Tulip figures that Sidney is a cop and claims that she's Matsukata and flashes his badge, and tells Sidney that Lara is Tulip.

Tulip leaves the airport and joins Jody, and tells him that Lara didn't make it. She finds a computer in the case providing weight, and Jody says that Sidney isn't a cop. Tulip demands to know where Sidney is taking Lara.

Eccarius prepares to send FJ off, telling Cassidy that he's ready. Everyone cheers FJ, and Cassidy gives him an umbrella against the sunlight. When Cassidy goes outside, he finds Lisa's neckpiece in the garbage... covered in blood.

At the storage unit, FJ tells Eccarius about the jobs that he's done. Eccarius turns on the radio and then asks FJ why he would send another piece of vermin into the world. He prepares to kill FJ, but Cassidy taps on the window. Eccarius opens the window and Cassidy shows him the neckpiece. When Cassidy makes it clear that he doesn't believe Eccarius' story, Eccarius knocks him out. FJ flees out the back.

Slotnick tells Allfather that she's combined the DNA of Thomas Jefferson and Wayne Brady to make The Tom/Brady. Starr warns Jesse that Allfather is about to weaponized idiocy, and Starr says that he will Allfather. Allfather interrupts him to order him to get him beignets. In the next room, the operatives inject the Humperdoo clone with The Tom/Brady. Once Starr leaves, Allfather tells Jesse that he's a mistake. Jesse says that he'll find God and hold him to account, and Allfather tells him that it's all that God should ever need. He transfers Genesis into the Humperdoo clone, and the clone doesn't explode. Allfather tells him to say the command, and Humperdoo orders everyone to bow before him. Jesse and Allfather do so, and then Genesis transfers back into Jesse as a headphone-wearing Slotnick shoots the clone.. Satisfied, Allfather tells them to bring in the real Humperdoo.

Eugene insists that God has something that he wants him to do. The Saint and Hitler wait for him, and Sidney brings Lara and the case over. Hitler asks Lara if she has a phone so he can text a friend at Circuit Work at the mall, Rick gets Hitler's text and realizes that they got the man he knows as Hilter.

Written by Gadfly on Aug 13, 2018

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