Laszlo talks about rediscovering his love for topiary sculpting. His neighbor, Sean, calls out to Laszlo and says that his wife kicked him out again. Sean goes back inside and Laszlo shows the sculpted vulvas of some of the prostitutes that he's had sex with. He discovers that werewolves have pissed on his sculptures, and shows off his box full of werewolf traps.
Colin says that he's a morning person.
Colin goes down and knocks on Nandor's coffin, and Guillermo finally shoos him out. At the office, Colin goes to the office to feed on his coworkers. He sees a new woman, Evie Russell, and goes over to talk to her. Colin welcomes Evie, who says that people don’t talk to her and talks about how she's been all alone since her mother died. She breaks into tears and makes Colin promise that they'll chat later. Colin walks away and admits that he didn't get anything from her, and figures that there's something weird about her.
That night at the home, Nadja tours the crypt and shows off a stuffed owl that Laszlo killed for her on their first date. A werewolf howls outside, and Guillermo and the vampires go out. They find werewolf in a trap and they take him inside to the fancy room. Guillermo worries that it will kill him when it wakes up, but Nandor tells his familiar that they have more important things to talk to.
Laszlo says that they need to kill the werewolf, but Nando rinsists that they keep it alive to guarantee the sanctity of the Truce.
Nandor explains that per the Truce, the vampires and werewolves don't interfere with each other.
The werewolf, Arjan, reverts to his human form and wakes up, and they tell him that they know he's a werewolf. He tries to limp out and moans in pain, says his brethren won't be happy, jumps out the window, and yells that he'll come back with his brethren.
The next day at the office, Colin feeds on his coworkers. One coworkers, Arnie, says that he was talking to Evie about her nephew who was born with his eyeballs backward. Colin figures that Evie is an emotional vampire that feeds off of pity. He complains that Evie is draining the office workers and mutters that it's on. A coworker, Biffy, comes through, and Evie and Colin both follow him into the restroom. They try to feed on him and Biff goes into a coma. Evie and Colin glare at each other.
Laszlo finds three silver bullets and admits that they don't have a gun. The werewolves arrive and piss on the bushes, then taunt the vampires. Arjan complains that the others are undermining him. He and Laszlo finally growl at each other and then attack, and Arjan lands in a topiary. Nandor arrives and tells Laszlo and Nadja that they can't fight on the law. Sean calls over, asking what's going on, and Laszlo mesmerizes him into going inside. Nandor demands that they follow the protocols and they go inside.
Inside, Nando goes through the Truce and the two sides make small talk. The werewolves insist that they're all different nationalities. Nandor finds the relevant passage from 1993, stating that the two groups shall not battle but each select champions for one-on-one battle.
That night at the office, Colin and Evie confront each other. They try to drain each other's energy, floating into the air and hissing at each other.
The vampires arrive early at the neutral ground: the rooftop of a Circuit City.
Colin and Evie lie, exhausted, and suggested partnering up. A coworker, Rhonda, comes in.
The werewolves arrives late and present Toby as their champion. The vampires figure that he's a ringer, and Laszlo presents Nandor. When Laszlo complains about them desecrating his vulva garden and the insults fly, Arjan suggests that they take it down a notch before they fight to the death.
Colin and Evie go out for dinner and try to feed on the waiter.
Nandor and Toby prepare to fight, and Nandor is worried that Toby is very big. Toby turns into a werewolf and Nandor chooses his weapon: a squeaky bone. He tosses it over the edge and Toby jumps after it and hits the concrete far below. The werewolves concede that the vampires won. The vampires fly off and Guillermo walks home.
Colin says that dating Evie is never dull.
People around the office faint as Evie and Colin walk by, hand in hand.
Evie tells her coworker that she went bankrupt paying for her cat's glaucoma, so she's sleeping in the office.
A few weeks later, Colin and Evie meet in the park and Colin says that he doesn't think their relationship is healthy. He wishes her continued success but says that he can't be around them anymore. Evie cries and says that she'll kill herself, and Colin assures her that she has much more life than the morons they feed on. He realizes that she's fading on him and walks away, and then calls about her drycleaning.
Written by Gadfly on Apr 11, 2019