Two days before the end of the world, Gabriel and Sandalphon enter Aziraphale's book shop and they pretend to be human customers. Aziraphale leads them into his office and Gabriel says that they're checking on the status of the Antichrist. He assures Aziraphale that everything is going perfectly and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are being summoned: Death, Pollution, Famine, and War. Gabriel asks Aziraphale how the hell hound was, and Aziraphale says that he didn't stick around to see.
Crowley goes to his secret office and watches the news. Hastur and Ligur contact Crowley via the TV and say that their operatives have arranged for Warlock and his family to be flown to the Middle East so that Warlock can be taken to Meggido with the hell hound, and the Horsemen will arrive there. Hastur says that he doesn't trust Crowley, and Crowley assures his fellow demon that everything is going fine.
The international express man that has been outsourced to summon the Horsemen makes his first of four deliveries in a former war zone. The two sides are meeting to announce they're signing a peace accord, and War arrives and introduces herself as a war correspondent. The two leaders start arguing about who signs first and everyone draws good. The express man walks up and gives War her package and leaves. Her sword is inside, and War figures that the day is finally there. Everyone aims their guns at her, and War says that she has to go fulfill her duty. She walks away and everyone goes back to aiming their guns at each other. As she leaves, everyone kills each other and war breaks out everywhere she walks.
In Lancashire, England, in 1656, the last witch-burning takes place. Witchfinder Major Pulsifer meets with Private Maggs, who tells him that the witch Agnes Nutter has been tested and confirmed that she's a witch. Agnes is busy writing a note to her milkman to cancel her delivery because she's going to die in flames. She hears the mob coming and goes out, complaining that they're ten minutes late. Agnes walks to the pyre and Pulsifer notes that it's most irregular. She tells the mob to watch the last true witch in England die, and they should mark the fate of those who meddle with that they don't understand. As Pulsifer and the others light the flame, they realize that Agnes has hid gunpowder and roofing nails in her petticoats. The resulting explosion kills them all.
Agnes leaves behind a box and a book to be given to her daughter and son-in-law. The book is The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter. The prophecies are accurate but meaningless to the couple in 1658.
In a house in Malibu, California, on the night the Antichrist is born, Agnes' distant descendant Anathema scribbles on the title page of a copy of the book as her mother has her recite the prophecies. She explains that the prophecy about an "Apple" was correct, and Anathema recites a prophecy about the Horsemen. Her mother assures her that Agnes had special plans for Anathema, and she's the one who will have to save the world.
In Dorking, Surrey, Pulsifer's descendant Newton is putting a computer back together and shorts out the power in the neighborhood. His mother assures him that it isn't the end of the world.
The Present Day
Newton moves out to go to his new job, and his mother tells him that he's just unlucky. When he arrives at his new job, Newton asks if he can do his new job without using computers. His boss Norman comes out to ask them if they're enthused about the training initiative. Only a few of the employees are. Newton hits Return on his keyboard and the power goes out. He's soon fired.
Anathema arrives via airplane and tells the clerk that she's there to find the heart of darkness and destroy it, and then quickly changes it to "vacation".
Newton talks to his mother by phone and claims that his new job is going well. Shadwell is on a corner preaching against Armageddon, and Newton realizes that he's talking about witches hiding among them. The man says that he's the only one who can stop them, and talks to Newton about how he's descended from the famous witchfinders. He admits that witchfinders no longer exist except for him, and he's a sergeant. Shadwell borrows money from Newton to pay for his tea, and perks up when he realizes that Newton's last name is Pulsifer. Once he confirms that Newton isn't a witch, Shadwell gives Newton an address to be at the next day to become his assistant.
Anathema moves into Jasmine Cottage in Tadfield, takes out Agnes' book, and plots out Satan's influence.
Crowley sits in his flat and berates his houseplants, complaining about their leafspots. He takes away the offending plant and the others tremble in fear.
At his book shop, Aziraphale tells a caller that there are no copies of Agnes' book available.
Newton arrives at Shadwell's address and a fortuneteller, Madame Tracy answers the door. She assumes he's there for a personal massage, but Shadwell told her that he was expecting a visitor. Tracy leads Newton to Shadwell's flat and Shadwell informs Newton that he's now a Witchfinder Private. Shadwell says that the battle against the darkness is a war that the Church doesn't fight, and explains that now they look for unexplained phenomena in the newspapers.
Aziraphale calls Crowley and suggests that something went wrong during the baby-swapping 11 years ago. They meet and Aziraphale hopes that nothing has happened to the Antichrist. The angel figures that they go through the hospital records, find children of the right age, and locate the Antichrist. They drive to Tadfield to check the convent hospital records.
Them get ice cream and Adam gets Dog. He tells his friends that the dog had no collar and no one has claimed it. They walk down the street and Adam insists that no one will ever take Dog away from him.
Anathema rides her bicycle into the woods and tries to locate the heart of darkness.
Them go to the woods and discuss that a witch has moved into Jasmine Cottage. Adam suggests that they start small at learning how to burn witches.
Aziraphale and Crowley drive to Tadfield and Crowley explains that there's an airbase nearby and that's why the Antichrist was born in the area. The demon admits that the entire thing was a cock up.
Them go by Anathema and explain that they're practicing burning witches. They've given Wensleydale a witch's hat and they "capture" him and he immediately confesses, and they tell Anathema that they've built a torturing machine. It's a swing, and Pepper complained that he confessed too easily. Anathema asks Adam if there are any great beasts or strange things in the area. Adam says that there isn't and tells Wensleydale to get off the swing and let someone else have a turn.
Aziraphale and Crowley arrive at the former site of the hospital, now Tadfield Manor, and Aziraphale feels love coming from it. As they go in, a man shoots them with a paint gun and then complains that they're there. Crowley briefly reveals his demon faint, causing the man to faint, and erases the paint stain on Aziraphale's coat.
Inside, the angel and demon discover that Tadfield Manor is now a management training course and Newton's former firm, United Worldwide Holdings (Holdings) , is holding training there. The owner is Mary Loquacious. Crowley makes all of the paint guns real guns, and the two sides cheerfully shoot at each other. However, the demon makes sure that they all have miraculous escapes because it wouldn't be fun otherwise. Aziraphale tells Crowley that deep down he's nice, and Crowley slams him against the wall and tells him to shut it. Mary comes over and Crowley remembers giving her the baby 11 years ago. Mary remembers him as well, and Crowley hypnotizes her with a gesture. Aziraphale asks if she was a nun 11 years ago, and she confirms that she was. Mary says that she swapped the Antichrist with the son of the American ambassador. She doesn't know what the ambassador's name was, and the records were burned in the fire. Aziraphale has her to have a lovely dream, snaps her out of her trance, and leaves with Crowley.
As Aziraphale and Crowley leave, the police move in to collect the guns. Crowley notes that the Antichrist's powers will automatically protect him from detection by any occult forces.
That night, Anathema works by moonlight to locate the Antichrist.
In Crowley's car, Aziraphale says that there are flashes of love all over the area. Crowley hits Anathema as she bicycles back to her cottage. They get out and Aziraphale summons light, and Crowley douses it when Anathema wakes up. The angel miraculously heals Anathema while Crowley heals his Bentley. Aziraphale restores Anathema's bicycle as well and summons a bike rack on the back the Bentley, and invites Anathema to get in. As they drive back to the bicycle, Anathema realizes that her bicycle now has gears, and gives Crowley directions to her cottage. She goes inside, leaving the book in the Bentley. Aziraphale miraculously removes the gears from the bicycle, and the angel and demon drive off together.
Once she's inside, Anathema gets a Skype call from her mother. Anathema is certain the Antichrist is in the north end of Tadfield but can't work out where it is. Her mother tells her that the answers are in the book, and Anathema realizes that she left it behind.
Aziraphale and Crowley go to a diner and the angel suggests that they might get a human to find the Antichrist. Crowley warns that suspicions slides off of the Antichrist automatically, but they don't have any better ideas.
Arthur and Deirdre wonder why Arthur let Adam keep the dog, and Arthur figures that they were made for each other. When Arthur says that the dog is tied up outside, Deirdre checks on Adam. He's apparently sleeping, but once Deirdre leaves Adam opens his eyes and calls out Dog from under the bed. The Antichrist then dozes off, while a flying saucer hangs on his shelf.
Crowley and Aziraphale drive back to London, and Aziraphale says that he has a network of humans that could search for the Antichrist. The demon says that he has a similar network but admits that his aren't very sophisticated politically so they shouldn't work together. Aziraphale tells his friend that his aren't either so they have their networks separately. They arrive at the book shop and Aziraphale sees the book. He sees the title and realizes that it was the book he got the call about earlier, but doesn't tell Crowley. The angel quickly goes into his shop and carefully opens the book, the only book of prophecy he doesn't have. There's a prophecy about Aziraphale reading the book , confirming that the final days are certain, and that his cocoa is getting cold. Aziraphale's cocoa has grown cold, and realizes that the prophecy is true.
Later, Crowley returns to his flat and calls Aziraphale to ask if he's any news. The angel nervously says that he hasn't found anything and hangs up, and finds a prophecy saying that the Antichrist is in Tadfield and his number is 666. Aziraphale calls the number with the Tadfield area code and Arthur answers the phone. In the yard, Adam yells that he got Dog to stand on his hind legs, matching a prophecy in the book that the Beast will walk on his hind legs. Aziraphale realizes that he has the right number and hangs up, shocked.
Written by Gadfly on Jun 2, 2019