Try 30 days of free premium.

The Lost Apostle Recap

Abraham takes his son Isaac out of their hut, telling him that there are times in a man's life when he has to do things he doesn't want to do. His wife Sarah insists that he doesn't have to do it, but Abraham puts Isaac on a rock and tells him that suffering is a part of life. Isaac agrees, and Abraham tells him that everything comes with a price. He takes out a knife and prepares to sacrifice his son, but God appears and tells him to stay his hand. God tells Abraham that it was a test and he passed. Abraham hugs God, sobbing and saying that he loves him so much.


After replaying and rewatching the movie scene several times, God turns off the TV and goes back to examining his diorama. He then calls Starr and asks if he's ready for Phase 2: to stir the hornet's nest and see who gets stung. God asks how Humperdoo is doing, and Starr hesitantly says that they took him to get his feet waxed and isn't available to talk. After a moment, God accepts Starr's story and says that they'll meet soon. Starr makes a call and says to initiate phase 2 and escalate.

In New Zealand, a SUV bearing the government seal pulls up to a manor. The two security guards eye it and reach for their guns, and the driver gives them a rude gesture, drops a trunk out of the back, and drives off. The guards open the box and find the remains of the deputy prime minister inside.

God tracks Jesse's movements toward the Lost Apostle and works on a model of a nuclear bomb.

Tulip and Cassidy take a freighter to Australia, drive off the boat, and race through the streets to the police station. They go inside\, walk to the front desk, and demand to see the commissioner in charge. Constable Kylie Clancy tells them to fill out a form and wait until he's available. Cassidy and Tulip say that they're "the Americans", and the officers are duly impressed. They take the duo to Chief Commissioner Bradley Walker and Cassidy says that they botched up a three-year undercover operation against Jesse. Walker tells them that they had no idea Jesse was of interest to the Americans, and they demand everything they have on Jesse. The commissioner says that Jesse is dead and there is no case. They have the killer locked up downstairs.

Tulip questions Eugene, who insists that he shot Jesse and his former friend is dead. She doesn't believe him, while Cassidy and Walker watch through a one-way mirror. Cassidy says that Eugene is a sweet kid, and Walker says that all of the evidence shows that Eugene killed Jesse but they don't have Jesse's body yet. Meanwhile, Tulip tells Eugene that she'll know when Jesse is dead and she doesn't know. Eugene says that if Jesse is alive, he's even worse off but refuses to say where he might be.

The Saint cuts Jesse's chest and then blows on the blade, heating it red-hot. He puts the blade on the cut, sealing the wound, and Jesse passes out from the pain. The Saint looks up at the gnarled tree nearby.

The next morning, the Saint kicks Jesse awake and hauls him to his feet. Jesse tries to use the Voice on the Saint, but it has no effect. The Saint tells him that they're going to kill God and walks off, and Jesse follows him.

At Masada, Jesus and Hitler eat and argue about how they will separate the believers from the disbelievers. They argue and Jesus threatens to shut down the apocalypse. Starr tells them that they're having the apocalypse and it's already underway. Hitler realizes that they're escalating to set the world on fire, and Starr promises that souls are coming in bulk. They need to decide which souls go to Heaven and which to Hell, and they should get back to work.

Jesse warns the Saint that he can't kill God, and the Saint tells him that he can with his .44s. When Jesse stops for a cigarette break, the Saint tells him to come on and Jesse refuses. The Saint draws his gun, aims it at Jesse, and repeats his order. Jesse tells him that God took his family as well and he had a baby years ago in Dallas. He says that he wants to know what all the suffering and commotion are about, and plans to ask God. The Saint lowers his gun and Jesse figures that the Saint wants him alive so he's calling the shots. He tells the Saint to walk away and leave God to him, and Saint walks toward a nearby farmhouse as Jesse realizes what he intends.

Tulip and Cassidy drive to the farmhouse and find a police officer outside a house, vomiting. They go inside and find the family strung up dead above their dining table. Tulip and Cassidy quickly drive off so they're not found there, figuring they just missed the Saint. Tulip brakes the car when they come to a dead end in the highway, with the Outback beyond.

Two Australian guards are on watch at the gate to Lost Apostle National Park, and see a truck approaching while the announcer on the radio talks about a war between Australia and New Zealand because of the deputy prime minister's death. One of the passengers shoots a guard dead, and the other one dives aside as the truck bursts through the gate… carrying a nuclear bomb in the back.

Jesse and the Saint continue through the Outback, and an exhausted Jesse finally takes a break. He offers the Saint a cigarette, and the Saint grabs him and yanks him up. Jesse grabs his .44s and pulls the triggers, but they don't fire. He pistol-whips the Saint, who shrugs off the blows and holds out his hands for his guns. Jesse hands them over and says that he'll die before letting the Saint kill God. The Saint smiles and holsters his guns, and they continue on.

Tulip and Cassidy stop at a diner to check on the map where they are. She can't come up with a better plan than driving around until they find Jesse, and finds one road on the map. Cassidy asks about the letter and points out that she never said what was it. Tulip says that she didn't read it because there was no point. Cassidy offers to read it, figuring that Tulip has it, and says that he'll skim by the personal stuff and see if there's any clues to where Jesse was going. Tulip finally hands the letter over and Cassidy reads it. He finally hands it back and says that it won't help them find Jesse. She takes it and goes outside, and sees an old RV outside a nearby house.

Going over, Tulip hears music coming from the RV. She calls to the owner but gets no response, and goes inside.

Cassidy snaps at the waitress and asks for drugs. The waitress tells him that there might be some fire retardant in the back.

Tulip checks the RV and finds God's dog suit. She recognizes and realizes who owns the RV, and finds the diorama representing Jesse's last few years. There are figurines of Jesse and God confronting each other, as well as a model of the RV. There's a postcard of Lost Apostle and Tulip walks out calling for Cassidy... while God watches from the closet.

Cassidy is done sniffing fire retardant, and Tulip finds him and says that Jesse is going to meet God at Lost Apostle. She notices the fire retardant around his nose and Cassidy explains what it is. Cassidy tells her that they don't need roads to Lost Apostle and points out a nearby plane.

Starr gets a call and runs to take it. He then tells Jesus and Hitler that he's going to Australia. As Starr goes, He tells Hoover Two that when he gets back he'll be quite attractive.

Jesse and the Saint continue through the Outback and a plane flies overhead. Jesse sees it and tells the Saint that someday he's going to be more mad at Jesse. He tells the Saint that without him, God gets away with it. Tulip brings the plane down, and Cassidy dumps fire retardant on the Saint to blind him. The plane comes down lower and Jesse runs to catch up with it, and then gets in. Tulip flies the plane off and the Saint screams in frustration.

Jesse greets Cassidy and Tulip, and Tulip ignores him. He figures she's still mad at him, and Cassidy tells Jesse that she'll come around. Cassidy wants Jesse to have God explain The Big Lebowski, and Tulip smiles as she hears them chuckle together.

The Grail operatives arm the nuclear bomb. An Australian tourist walks up and they explain that it's a nuclear bomb and they're from New Zealand. The tourist doesn't believe them, and one of them shoots him dead and then the operatives go back to work.

Starr arrives at Lost Apostle and tells God that Phase 2 is in place and awaits His command. Starr asks about his reward for bring Jesse to God, and God assures him that he'll have his beauty. He asks how Humperdoo is, and Starr says that he's in rehearsal for the "big show". God glares at him and Starr realizes that He knows that he lost him. Starr insists that Jesse broke Humperdoo out and they'll find him, and God insists that he loves his kid. A dingo runs up and God explains that it's one of his hardier creations. It leaps on Starr's crotch, and God describes how it disables its prey by ripping out whatever it can reach. God tells Starr to never cross him again and sips his coffee.

Tulip flies to Lost Apostle and sees God, and he sees the plane. Jesse finds the postcard and Cassidy explains that they found it in the RV. They realize that it's a trap, just as the nuclear bomb explodes. The shockwave sweeps over the plane. The hatch goes flying and Jesse falls out, and Cassidy manages to grab his arm. Cassidy's arm burns in the sunlight, and pieces of the plane break off.

Jesse tells Cassidy to let him go and tell Tulip to read the letter. When Cassidy refuses to let go, Jesse Voices him to do so and the vampire releases his grip. Tulip gets the plane under control and turns to Cassidy, and realizes that they lost Jesse.

Slamming into the ground, Jessie lies dead.

Written by Gadfly on Aug 31, 2019

Try 30 days of free premium.