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Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps - Episode Guide

Season 1

Fags, Shags and Kebabs

Episode: 1x01 | Airdate: Feb 26, 2001

Fags, Shags and Kebabs

Donna needs a man so her mum won't think she's repellent to the opposite sex. Janet wants to help, but discovers that matchmaking can seriously damage your boyfriend.

Spunk

Episode: 1x02 | Airdate: Mar 5, 2001

Spunk

Jonny tries to be horrible to Janet and fails miserably. Donna is after as much sex with as little commitment as possible. Flo, however, has other plans. Louise discovers that dieting can damage the buttocks.

Bone with the Wind

Episode: 1x03 | Airdate: Mar 12, 2001

Bone with the Wind

When Gaz finds Donna's toothbrush in his flat, he realises he has to stop her 'merging'. Janet's plan to make Jonny fancy her backfires.

Angry Wangry

Episode: 1x04 | Airdate: Mar 19, 2001

Angry Wangry

Janet is keen to improve her mind, but realises that neither poetry nor biscuits are the answer. Gaz is desperate to feel attractive, and thinks that the best way to accomplish this is to flash his rather underdeveloped chest.

Lard

Episode: 1x05 | Airdate: Mar 26, 2001

Lard

Jonny falls for Janet's friend Louise, until his obsession is cured in a revolting manner. Janet decides to become a stand-up comedian. Gaz attempts to manipulate Donna.

Ugly Babies

Episode: 1x06 | Airdate: Apr 2, 2001

Ugly Babies

Jonny wants some excitement in his life, and when Janet reveals some remarkable news, he gets rather more than he bargained for. Gaz and Donna have a communication problem - she wants to talk and he wants sex. Louise is simply desperate to prove that she is not an idiot.

Season 2

On the Blob

Episode: 2x01 | Airdate: Apr 15, 2002

On the Blob

Gaz runs naked through the streets of Runcorn but still has to face up to Donna's pregnancy. And Louise's psychic powers inspire Jonny to make an unusual career move.

Bungle

Episode: 2x02 | Airdate: Apr 22, 2002

Bungle

Louise copes with a new boyfriend who is desperate to have sex with her, Janet's dinner party goes awry when Gaz and Donna abuse her trifle, and Jonny finds an unusual way to spend his scratchcard winnings.

Dirty Girls

Episode: 2x03 | Airdate: Apr 29, 2002

Dirty Girls

Janet rediscovers a love letter from her gorgeous ex and resorts to deception to prevent Jonny becoming jealous. Flo asks Donna to move out so she can set up a massage parlour in her old room. And, unable to decide how to handle her boyfriend, Louise experiments with gay sex.

Vomit

Episode: 2x04 | Airdate: May 6, 2002

Vomit

Gaz looks after an unwell Jonny, although Donna is worried that his 'illness' is just an excuse to avoid her now that she has moved in. Meanwhile Janet goes too far with her old flame Andy, and Louise discovers there's more to owning a dog than tickling its tummy.

Crusty Curtains

Episode: 2x05 | Airdate: May 13, 2002

Crusty Curtains

Jonny isn't speaking to Janet and taking Gaz's advice only makes things worse. While Louise tries to affect a reconciliation, Donna and Gaz lay down some ground rules for the flat, much to Donna's regret.

Mo Mo and Pigsy

Episode: 2x06 | Airdate: May 20, 2002

Mo Mo and Pigsy

In a far from ideal scenario, Donna is living with Jonny, and Janet is living with Gaz. But Jonny thinks Janet has gone to live with Andy and, after being nudged by Donna, goes to get her back. Meanwhile, Louise believes astrology is the answer to everyone's problems.

Season 3

Munch

Episode: 3x01 | Airdate: Feb 23, 2003

Munch

Jonny's job hunt is thwarted by a sex-starved cat. Gaz meets the brother he never knew he had, and Louise chokes on her lunch.

Fish

Episode: 3x02 | Airdate: Mar 2, 2003

Fish

Janet agrees to give up smoking before she and Jonny get married, but her craving for nicotine makes her turn violent. Gaz is worried that Donna doesn't fancy him any more. Louise agrees to meet a secret admirer.

Kangaroo

Episode: 3x03 | Airdate: Mar 9, 2003

Kangaroo

Jonny begs Janet's dad for his blessing for their wedding and gets a great deal more than he bargained for. Donna plans a kinky night in. Louise and David find a new way to play the game of love.

Beastiality

Episode: 3x04 | Airdate: Mar 16, 2003

Beastiality

Munch takes an unusual shine to Donna. Louise has to cope with a dirty secret from David's past.

Hospikal

Episode: 3x05 | Airdate: Mar 23, 2003

Hospikal

Jonny discovers Janet's dad has a dirty secret. Gaz tries to avoid Munch and ends up in hospital. Donna tricks Louise into making up with her.

Dresses, Dresses, Dresses

Episode: 3x06 | Airdate: Mar 30, 2003

Dresses, Dresses, Dresses

Janet, Donna and Louise go shopping for Janet's wedding dress - and get into all kinds of trouble. Jonny and Gaz discover a secret new kind of beer.

Fockin Mokky Bokka

Episode: 3x07 | Airdate: Apr 6, 2003

Fockin Mokky Bokka

Jonny gets a job and a sexy offer he can't refuse. Gaz and Donna are up all night for the wrong reasons. David shows Louise a new way to cope with growing old.

Jammy Dodgers

Episode: 3x08 | Airdate: Apr 13, 2003

Jammy Dodgers

Janet tries to get passionate with Jonny. Gaz sends Donna out for a night on the town so he can get passionate with himself. Louise has trouble when her new boyfriend comes over all sexy.

Dump

Episode: 3x09 | Airdate: Apr 20, 2003

Dump

Janet has decided that the most important thing about getting married is the presents she'll receive, so she makes a list.

Schluballybub

Episode: 3x10 | Airdate: Apr 27, 2003

Schluballybub

Gaz has a health scare and blames Donna. Jonny is so interested that he fails to notice that Janet is having second thoughts about marrying him. David finds a new way to test Louise's commitment.

When Janet Met Johnny

Episode: S03 Special | Airdate: Dec 21, 2003

When Janet Met Johnny

Action-packed special of the comedy series. An extended flashback to the moment that Janet and Jonny first met on a night out in sunny Runcorn, in the form of a fantastic musical extravaganza.

Season 4

Corinthian Dies

Episode: 4x01 | Airdate: Feb 15, 2004

Corinthian Dies

Janet tries to dump Jonny but is upstaged by some pasties. Louise gets revenge on David. Donna finds the courage to pursue a new dream.

Piggy Goes Oink

Episode: 4x02 | Airdate: Feb 22, 2004

Piggy Goes Oink

Jonny finds himself a new girlfriend. Gaz challenges David to a drinking contest for Donna. A book called Piggy Goes Oink changes Louise's life.

My Delicious Guava

Episode: 4x03 | Airdate: Feb 29, 2004

My Delicious Guava

Jonny ruins his first date with Kate by trying too hard to be manly. A big hairy spider upsets Louise's plan to live with Janet. Gaz bids to become a pop idol.

Cuggles

Episode: 4x04 | Airdate: Mar 7, 2004

Cuggles

Janet and Gaz get much closer than they'd ever intended. Jonny and Kate find out how biscuits can improve your love life, while Louise applies for a lucrative new job.

Purgatory

Episode: 4x05 | Airdate: Mar 14, 2004

Purgatory

Gaz tries to get over his guilt by doing a special thing for Donna. Janet holds a party for Louise's graduation.

Mate Date

Episode: 4x06 | Airdate: Mar 21, 2004

Mate Date

Gaz goes on a quest to split Jonny and Kate. Jonny gets an ultimatum - dump his friends or be dumped. Janet gets a new boss from hell.

Homeless and Horny

Episode: 4x07 | Airdate: Mar 28, 2004

Homeless and Horny

Donna's tutor invites her for extra coaching on his sofa. Gaz has a problem in his trousers. Janet tries to persuade Jonny to come for a bite of her pasties.

Filthy Brunching

Episode: 4x08 | Airdate: Apr 4, 2004

Filthy Brunching

Donna goes for a filthy brunching with her tutor. Gaz finds an unusual solution to his problem. Janet tries to excite Jonny with adventurous sex. Louise gets Jonny into serious trouble with the police.

Season 5

Death

Episode: 5x01 | Airdate: Jan 2, 2005

Death

With Jonny gunned down by the police, Janet struggles to cope with her loss. Louise tries to avoid all blame for the shooting. When grief softens Gaz's sex-drive, Donna finds an inventive way to arouse him.

Nobbly Bobbly

Episode: 5x02 | Airdate: Jan 9, 2005

Nobbly Bobbly

Donna discovers a dreadful secret in her dead mum's house. Jonny gets scared to leave the house.

Shrink

Episode: 5x03 | Airdate: Jan 16, 2005

Shrink

Jonny gets some very exciting news. Janet and Gaz take extreme measures to stop Louise blackmailing them. Donna decides to spend, spend, spend, until Gaz drops a bombshell.

Ecuador

Episode: 5x04 | Airdate: Jan 23, 2005

No image (yet).

Jonny's new car gives him trouble with women. Donna takes revenge on Gaz for sleeping with Janet. Louise fights dirty to win Jonny's forgiveness for getting him shot.

Potato People

Episode: 5x05 | Airdate: Jan 30, 2005

No image (yet).

Jonny and Louise get into trouble with some rampaging kids. Donna and Kelly team up to give Gaz a sexual surprise. Janet tries to get Donna to forgive her for sleeping with Gaz.

Antlers

Episode: 5x06 | Airdate: Feb 6, 2005

No image (yet).

Gaz gets into trouble when his plans for Jonny's stag night go seriously wrong. Louise tries to make Janet's hen party into the wildest ever.

Crab

Episode: 5x07 | Airdate: Feb 13, 2005

Crab

Janet and Jonny go missing on their wedding day. Gaz resorts to a desperate plan to save the day. Louise gets sentenced for shooting Jonny.

Fat

Episode: 5x08 | Airdate: Feb 20, 2005

Fat

Donna has moved up in the bucket world, and is on a mission to sell 4,000 buckets in five days.

Stot or Pronk

Episode: 5x09 | Airdate: Feb 27, 2005

Stot or Pronk

Janet shows off at the pub quiz. Gaz spanks his monkey. And Donna tries to impress Gaz with a facelift.

Who's the Daddy?

Episode: 5x10 | Airdate: Mar 6, 2005

Who's the Daddy?

Janet is rushed to hospital, helped by Louise. Gaz lets slip to Jonny that the baby might be his. Donna finally forgives Gaz.

Bababababa

Episode: 5x11 | Airdate: Mar 13, 2005

Bababababa

When Janet becomes a baby bore Jonny takes drastic action to get her attention. Louise tries to bag herself one of Kelly's fellas. Donna and Gaz try their hand at babysitting.

God

Episode: 5x12 | Airdate: Mar 20, 2005

God

Jonny tries to make his son more exciting. Gaz becomes a new man for Donna by taking Flo's HRT tablets. Louise finds God.

Love 83199

Episode: 5x13 | Airdate: Mar 29, 2005

Love 83199

Jonny bids for a chance at his dream job. Gaz and Donna find their dream house. Louise dates her mobile phone and finally gets herself an amazing boyfriend.

Near, Far

Episode: 5x14 | Airdate: Apr 3, 2005

Near, Far

Jonny goes for his interview at the biscuit factory. Janet gets the chance to be a star. Gaz has to confront his greatest fear - sheep. And Louise struggles to keep Mick.

Season 6

Speedycruise!

Episode: 6x01 | Airdate: Feb 26, 2006

Speedycruise!

Janet has a dilemma - does she leave her friends and baby for a life of luxury singing on a cruise? Donna becomes rich after her dead mother's money from the house comes through and has a very weird business venture idea.

Goblins

Episode: 6x02 | Airdate: Mar 5, 2006

Goblins

Janet gets a new job, but Donna's career is on the skids. Louise has a letter from her earth mother - but she can't open it. Jonny campaigns for baby changing facilities at the pub.

Mummy Cupboard

Episode: 6x03 | Airdate: Mar 12, 2006

Mummy Cupboard

Gaz decides it's time to make a proper commitment to Donna. Janet tries talking dirty for a living and Louise is in for a shock when she finally meets her real parents.

Cauliflower

Episode: 6x04 | Airdate: Mar 19, 2006

Cauliflower

Donna gives Gaz the answer to his marriage proposal. Janet finds a new way of providing for her child - the only problem is, it's illegal. Louise meets her real dad for the first time, but he is more interested in getting to know Jonny.

Drunk

Episode: 6x05 | Airdate: Mar 26, 2006

Drunk

Jonny is reeling after being chatted up by Louise's Dad. He decides to become more macho, but his plan backfires with shocking consequences. Louise is feeling let down by her Dad and becomes a really bad alcoholic. And Donna refuses to have Gaz's baby, leaving him only one option for getting the child he longs for.

Croppity Crops

Episode: 6x06 | Airdate: Apr 2, 2006

Croppity Crops

Janet is reeling that Gaz tried to take Corinthian and decides to increase security in the home. Jonny gets a job as a farmer. Donna persuades Gaz to try tantric sex, but he gets hooked on it, much to her frustration. Louise wants a new family and she knows exactly where to find one.

Finger Sniffing

Episode: 6x07 | Airdate: Apr 9, 2006

Finger Sniffing

Janet and Donna compete for a job managing the pub. Louise buys a car with her mother's legacy. Jonny realises that Gaz is the father of Corinthian and gives him to Gaz, until Gaz reveals that Corinthian can't be his due to his low sperm count.

War, Hurrgh!

Episode: 6x08 | Airdate: Apr 16, 2006

War, Hurrgh!

Janet starts her job as manager of The Archer and gives the pub a World War Two theme to appeal to the grey pound. Donna is intent on revenge, Jonny tries to help Gaz become a dad and Louise becomes a prostitute.

Closing Time

Episode: 6x09 | Airdate: Apr 23, 2006

Closing Time

Janet tries desperately to find a way of keeping the pub open. Louise is feeling unwell and Kelly thinks she recognises the symptoms. Jonny thinks he has fallen in love with Gaz. And Donna's little brother causes chaos when he comes to stay.

When Janet Killed Jonny

Episode: 6x10 | Airdate: Apr 30, 2006

When Janet Killed Jonny

The Archer is about to be demolished in this special horror episode. The gang decide to break in for one last night together, but once inside, strange things start to happen and they find themselves trapped inside a pub that seems intent on killing them, one by one.

Season 7

When Jonny Met Sharky

Episode: 7x01 | Airdate: Jan 13, 2008

When Jonny Met Sharky

Originally broadcast live episode of the sitcom about the lives and loves of five twenty-somethings. Jonny wins a competition to go shark-jumping in Hawaii.

Dabdaa!

Episode: 7x02 | Airdate: Jan 20, 2008

Dabdaa!

With Jonny dead, Janet decides to get through the five stages of grief quickly. Gaz finds a way to help her.

Homophobia Is Gay

Episode: 7x03 | Airdate: Jan 27, 2008

Homophobia Is Gay

Janet takes desperate action to stay safe for Corinthian. Gaz seeks a new friend who can replace Jonny.

Dead Jonny Walking

Episode: 7x04 | Airdate: Feb 10, 2008

Dead Jonny Walking

Louise is distressed to learn she's carrying a girl, not a boy. After Donna fires Tim she is forced to work with depressed Janet and mad Munch.

Here Bums the Bride

Episode: 7x05 | Airdate: Feb 17, 2008

Here Bums the Bride

Gaz works through his list of three things he must do before he dies. Donna gets work in a charity shop to try to overcome her fear of death. Louise stumbles across a massive secret about Corinthian.

Six Months Later

Episode: 7x06 | Airdate: Feb 24, 2008

Six Months Later

When the bailiffs come to repossess her house, Janet has just 24 hours to get some money. Louise tries to help. Gaz struggles to babysit his son.

African Death Face

Episode: 7x07 | Airdate: Mar 2, 2008

African Death Face

While Donna is in London getting her dream job, Janet and Gaz are left alone together. Louise's contractions start.

Borry

Episode: 7x08 | Airdate: Mar 9, 2008

Borry

With Donna about to go to London, the secret of Janet and Gaz's relationship comes out. Then Donna reveals she's got a secret of her own. Louise finally has her baby, enthusiastically assisted by Munch.

Season 8

Candle

Episode: 8x01 | Airdate: Mar 15, 2009

Candle

It's Janet and Gaz's first night as a couple after Donna has moved to London to be with Wesley. Janet objects when Gaz arranges for his ex-girlfriend to babysit Corinthian.

Gazman

Episode: 8x02 | Airdate: Mar 22, 2009

Gazman

A homesick Donna visits Runcorn with tales of her fabulous new boyfriend, Gaz applies for parental responsibility of Corinthian and Louise struggles with motherhood.

Flan Van

Episode: 8x03 | Airdate: Mar 29, 2009

Flan Van

Janet decides she wants to become a Police Community Support Officer, Wesley attempts to win Donna back and Donna is furious when Gaz tries to set her up with a tramp.

Ello Ello

Episode: 8x04 | Airdate: Apr 5, 2009

No image (yet).

Donna and Gaz decide they are not ready to have a happy divorce yet, while Wesley tries to fit in with the gang.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Episode: 8x05 | Airdate: Apr 19, 2009

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Donna and Gaz have decided to get divorced and it takes them on a path down memory lane, looking back at their relationship in a series of fantasies and flashbacks.

Val Doonican

Episode: 8x06 | Airdate: Apr 26, 2009

Val Doonican

Now that Gaz and Donna are divorced, Gaz decides it is time to propose to Janet. Scared that she is losing all her friends, Donna helps him organise the proposal.

You Decide

Episode: 8x07 | Airdate: May 3, 2009

You Decide

Gaz is torn between Janet and Donna, and things come to a head when Janet finds him and Donna in bed together. Louise tells Tim she is desperate for a boyfriend.

Keep on Running

Episode: 8x08 | Airdate: May 10, 2009

No image (yet).

Donna and Janet are furious with Gaz and demand he decides who he wants by three o'clock. He decides to audition them both.

The Aftermath Part 1: Waiting for Gaz

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: Dec 15, 2009

The Aftermath Part 1: Waiting for Gaz

Musical extravaganza. Janet waits for Gaz to return to The Archer and announce he has chosen her, unaware he has been in an accident.

The Aftermath Part 2: Sliding Gaz

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: Dec 22, 2009

The Aftermath Part 2: Sliding Gaz

Gaz has fallen into a coma. Donna imagines two separate realities, one where Gaz is back to full health and one where he is paralysed.

Season 9

Nil by Muff

Episode: 9x01 | Airdate: Apr 26, 2011

Nil by Muff

Gaz struggles with his paralysis, as Billy tries to befriend him. Tim is shaken by the arrival of his younger sister Cassie.

Cheese Toastie

Episode: 9x02 | Airdate: Apr 26, 2011

Cheese Toastie

Gaz struggles to get used to his metrosexual carer Billy, Donna signs on the dole and Tim gives sister Cassie a makeover.

Trial Schmile

Episode: 9x03 | Airdate: May 3, 2011

Trial Schmile

Gaz tries to help Billy get a trial for Runcorn Rovers, while Donna re-examines her life and finds inner peace.

The Gaz-Bot

Episode: 9x04 | Airdate: May 10, 2011

The Gaz-Bot

Donna helps Gaz in his ambition to become a Paralympian, Billy goes on a date with Cassie and Tim wonders if he's gay or not.

Shagger

Episode: 9x05 | Airdate: May 17, 2011

Shagger

Tim uses a phone app to find a boyfriend, Cassie tries to impress Billy by dressing as a WAG and Gaz decides he must walk again.

This Is Your Life

Episode: 9x06 | Airdate: May 24, 2011

This Is Your Life

After Donna's revelation that she may be pregnant, she and Gaz have big decisions ahead. Tim lands a date with Leonard.

Specials

When Janet Met Michelle

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: Mar 8, 2009

When Janet Met Michelle

One-off special bringing together the casts of sitcoms Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Coming of Age and Grown Ups for Comic Relief.

Fags, Lads and Kebabs

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: Mar 8, 2009 (60 min)

Fags, Lads and Kebabs

For Comic Relief, Lauren Laverne presents the story behind hit sitcom Two Pints of Lager, going behind the scenes on location and in the studio to find out what makes it tick.

The Love Triangle

Episode: S08 Special | Airdate: May 3, 2009

The Love Triangle

As the nation decides the outcome of Gaz's love life in a viewer vote, this documentary delves into the history of the long-running and rocky romances between Gaz, Donna and Janet.

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