Suburgatory - Episode Guide

In the premiere episode, "Pilot," Tessa and George have been on their own ever since Tessa's mom pulled a "Kramer vs. Kramer." So far George has done a pretty good job of raising Tessa without a maternal figure in their lives, but suddenly he's feeling a little out of his league, especially after he finds a pack of condoms in her room. So it's goodbye New York City and hello suburbs. At first Tessa is horrified by the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers and their sugar-free, Red Bull-chugging kids. But little by little, she and her dad begin to find a way to survive on the clean streets of the 'burbs. Sure, the neighbors might smother you with love while their kids stare daggers at your back, but underneath all that plastic and caffeine, they're really not half bad. Being in the 'burbs can be hell, but it also may just bring Tessa and George closer than they've ever been.

Tessa is horrified when she finds herself unexpectedly attracted to her exact opposite, her jock suburban neighbor, and George is pressured by the town to throw the perfect barbecue.

George joins the PTA and quickly becomes well-liked by the other moms, but in the process former PTA queen bee Sheila Shay starts to feel threatened. Meanwhile Tessa joins the school newspaper and helps Malik revamp it into a tabloid-style paper.

Tessa is excited to see some action in the suburbs when Sheila Shay's Shirley Temple doll collection is stolen, but not so thrilled at the consequences -- Dallas and Dalia are afraid of being burglarized so they crash at the Altmans'.

Tessa channels her inner "suburban girl" for a Halloween costume, but it ends up spooking her friends and everyone at school since she reminds them of a recently "departed" resident of Chatswin. And George is determined to prove to Halloween-hater Dallas that being scared can be fun, but gets a scare of his own when Steven Royce (guest star Jay Mohr), Dallas' husband, finally comes home from one of his many business trips.

Irritated by all the cafeteria waste at school, Tessa motivates the student body to get involved with giving back. Unfortunately their charity of choice involves helping residents of Florida improve their complexions. When Tessa introduces a homeless transsexual to the student body as part of a lesson, they decide that Tessa is really the person in need. Meanwhile George receives a large dental bill from Noah, which puts a strain on their relationship.

When Tessa tells Dallas that she wants a simple get together for her sixteenth birthday, Dallas convinces her to let Dalia plan the ultimate birthday extravaganza at the country club, complete with a live performance by her favorite band, specialty drinks and go-go cages. Meanwhile George throws his back out and Sheila Shay takes it upon herself to care for him, even though George is terrified of her.

Depressed that she has to spend Thanksgiving in the suburbs, Tessa convinces Dallas to take her to the city for a girls' day out. During their fun day, they run across George making out with a woman while he was supposed to be "working." Angry with George for lying to her, Tessa confronts him during the Royces' Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile Lisa refuses to wear a special dress Sheila picked out for her, so Sheila decides to literally turn up the heat.

When Tessa overhears George break up with his girlfriend, Zoe, on Skype, she blames herself for his failed relationship and decides that she's going to get them back together. Unbeknownst to her, though, George is really enamored with Tessa's cute art teacher, Aimee. He admits to Mr. Wolfe that he's over dating crazy city women, and that he's looking for love in the burbs. George decides to embrace the holiday spirit with a tree trimming party complete with ex-girlfriend, potential new girlfriend and the Royces, and he soon finds himself under the mistletoe with a special someone.

When Tessa gets her driver's license, Dalia hires her to drive her around to stalk her crush, Scott Strauss. As a result Tessa realizes that she and Scott might have feelings for each other. Meanwhile George and Noah's relationship is put to the test when George decides he wants to join the local country club.

When Tessa is asked to show new guy Josh Sherman around school, she becomes convinced that he's gay, when in fact he's an undercover narcotics officer. Lisa becomes deeply infatuated with Josh, and Tessa inadvertly convinces Mr. Wolfe to make special announcement to the student body. Meanwhile George re-evaluates his relationship with Dallas.

When George wins an all expenses paid trip to Atlantic City, he enlists Noah, Fred, Tom and Alex, and it turns into a getaway with the guys. During their trip they run into Steven Royce , and they help Fred cope with his gambling problem. Meanwhile Tessa tries to get some alone time with Scott Strauss.

Tessa enjoys rubbing it in Dalia's face that Scott Strause chose her over Dalia. However the closer Tessa gets to Scott, the more nervous George becomes. When George discovers a box of XXL condoms that Lisa has given Tessa, he becomes obsessed and starts planning game night with her friends in hopes of keeping her at home more. Meanwhile Tessa soon discovers that the more time she spends with Scott, the less attracted to him she is.

When Tessa realizes that she's failing gym class, she decides to run for student body president in hopes of changing Chatswin High's obsession with sports. During the election, Lisa steps in as Tessa's campaign manager against Kenzie and Kaitlyn. Meanwhile, Ryan is injured during a wrestling match and finds himself mourned by his family, and George takes Ryan under his wing and introduces him to people who have moved forward from setbacks.

When Jill turns to the newly single Dallas for inspiration and support, her marriage to Noah goes on the rocks. Meanwhile Dallas begins spending a lot of time with her hot younger boyfriend, Yoni, which causes tension with George, and Dalia befriends Lisa to get back at Tessa for dating Scott Strauss -- so Tessa decides to take action and recruits Kimantha to make Dalia jealous -- .

When Fred and Sheila strike up a croquet match with Dallas and George, Fred misreads Sheila's interest in George. Fred tells George that Sheila is fantasizing about him and asks him to seduce her. Meanwhile Tessa desperately wants to impress the new poetry teacher, Ms. Evans, but she seems to prefer Dalia's prose.

When George picks Tessa up late from school she decides to get a job working for Dallas in order to buy her own wheels. Meanwhile Dallas invites her sorority sisters to stay with her in order to celebrate the opening of her store, A Crystal Cup of Crystals; however her rival sorority sister, Tulsa, decides to crash the party.

When Dallas's divorce is finalized, George becomes concerned and includes her in a shopping trip with Noah to buy a new mattress. Meanwhile Dalia makes a breakthrough in therapy with her psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Rohl, Lisa and Malik try to set up Tessa, and Ryan takes Tessa on a date.

When George meets Eden at the Chatswin Farmer's Market, there is an immediate attraction and he finds himself smitten with her and her healthy eating habits. Meanwhile, Yakult goes missing and it's up to Tessa and Dalia to find her, and Noah and Jill make a surprising announcement.

As George and Eden's relationship gets serious, he decides to introduce her to Tessa, who is preoccupied with her job at Crystal Cup of Crystals. Meanwhile, George and Noah make a deal regarding George's relationship boundaries with Eden, and Eden is overwhelmed by Sheila's meddling and the Werners' overprotective behavior.

As Tessa adjusts to having Eden living with them, she finds Eden helpful in her pursuit of a summer internship, while George has difficulty with Eden's parenting. Meanwhile Sheila interferes with Noah's relationship with Eden, and Malik and Lisa debate which camp to attend.

Residents of Chatswin go all out in celebration of their moms, leaving a noticeable void for Tessa, while Dalia chooses to go to Israel without Dallas. Meanwhile George and Eden attend the Lerners' baby shower, and Eden reacts to the endangered animal theme; Fred surprises Sheila with a special performance by her favorite solo artist, and Lisa makes a startling discovery.

When Tessa returns to Chatswin after spending the summer in NYC with her grandmother, her burgeoning interest in her mom leaves George feeling threatened. In an effort to feel more connected to her mom's musical side, Tessa takes up the guitar and signs up to sing in the Fall Follies. Meanwhile, Noah decides he wants Carmen to come back and work for him, and he gets into an all out competition with Dallas over her.

When Tessa convinces Dalia and the KKK to come up with feminist inspired Halloween costumes, she finds herself the interest of the infamous East Chatswin witch, played by guest star Rachel Dratch. As it turns out Paula isn't exactly what she seems. Meanwhile George and Noah dress up as each other, and Dallas invites George to be "Ken" to her "Barbie" -- but he declines, not realizing that she is asking him out -- .

When Lisa feels guilty for not telling Ryan that he's adopted, she agrees to help him pursue Tessa. Lisa's generosity leaves Ryan believing that he must be dying of "Ryan disease." Meanwhile George and Dallas go on their first date, but in her nervousness she invites her life coach, Tabitha, to join them -- which puts George off -- and Tessa agrees to babysit for Opus while Noah and Carmen attend an opera.

When Dalia decides that her dad's fiancée is her new best friend, the KKK are lost without their leader and turn to Tessa and Lisa. As Dalia struggles with her emotions over her dad's elopement, she turns to Evan for support, and it's up to Tessa to help her regain her confidence and friends. Meanwhile, George and Dallas get intimate, but it's not really what George envisions.

When Tessa decides she wants to spend Thanksgiving in the city with her grandmother and birth mom, Dallas decides to fire Chef Alan and have George host Thanksgiving to keep him occupied. But when George finds his cooking skills inadequate, he winds up schilling out cash to Chef Alan to help make the meal edible. Meanwhile, after missing Alex in NYC, Tessa returns home to find a surprising Thanksgiving dinner.

When Dallas gives George a Chatswin makeover, he decides he likes his new look and begins to feel at home in the suburbs. But as soon as some of George's friends from New York visit, they start poking fun at his girlfriend and new life. In an effort to get back at them, George and Dallas make a pitch for the Scarsdale Performing Arts Center job that his friends are after. Meanwhile, Malik leaves Lisa for two days, so she decides to spend every minute with Tessa. Part of their girl bonding time involves them eating some smoked fish, which leaves Tessa in the hospital with food poisoning.

When George sends Tessa to NY for a Christmas excursion with her mom, he assumes that he's given her the best present ever. Tessa soon learns to be careful what you wish for, and she finds herself missing George and Chatswin. Meanwhile Ryan finds out that he was adopted -- throwing the Shay family in turmoil -- and Carly asks for Carmen for Christmas.

When Tessa and Dalia get their PSAT results, Dalia receives a new car and Tessa gets ice cream as a reward. Tessa is miffed that Dalia got a car, and becomes obsessed with finding out Dalia's score. The rift between the girls leads to an argument between George and Dallas, and the only thing that can help them is an old fashioned hip hop dance off. Meanwhile Noah and Jill hire Mr. Wolfe to tutor their baby after he's rejected by the finest day care in Chatswin.

When Tessa has her wisdom teeth removed, George struggles to manage both her recovery and the hysterics of their neighbor, Fred Shay, who has taken up residence in their basement after a career set-back. Sheila suspects George of harboring rats, and Dallas feels insecure about her relationship with George.

When Dallas goes overboard making flyers for George's business, he begins to feel stifled and convinces Noah and Fred to start a dad band as a way to escape their significant others. Sheila catches the band during practice and impresses George with her singing, so he votes her into the band. Meanwhile Tessa discovers what it means to be a football player's girlfriend and incites a revolt.

When Yakult becomes depressed, Dallas invites Yoni back into their lives to help remove her negative energy. Everyone becomes enamored with Yoni except George, who believes Yoni really just wants Dallas back. Meanwhile the Shays convince Tessa to help set Lisa up so she can get back in the dating game. The girls end up on a double date with Ryan and Tessa's ex, Scott Strauss.

When Dallas realizes a portion of her property is located in East Chatswin, her life is thrown into a tailspin after she's kicked out of the country club and Dalia is forced to attend East Chatswin High. Meanwhile, Tessa becomes a producer of the Chatswin High TV show, "Teen Talk," but struggles with her new role when Ryan becomes the host of the show.

When Tessa convinces Ryan to attend an art house movie with her on Valentine's Day, their reactions to the movie surprise her. Sheila's mother, Gam Gam, pays the Shays a visit, causing friction between Fred and Sheila. Her visit also spurs Sheila to try to get Malik back together with Lisa. Meanwhile, Dallas has a bad reaction to a cosmetic procedure, and George has to enjoy an 18-course meal from renowned Chef Julio solo.

When Tessa becomes a relationship expert, she gives advice to everyone. She decides to help Mr. Wolfe, and this leads to a sad realization about his relationship with Chef Alan. Meanwhile Noah and Dallas are still at odds, and George helps Dallas coach a T-Ball team.

When Marty passes away, George is deeply affected and Noah and George have to figure out what to do with his ashes. Meanwhile, Tessa learns that Ryan hasn't been honest with her, and she has to examine the future of their relationship, as well as her plans for college.

Dalia takes Mr. Wolfe under her wing to help him get over his breakup with Chef Alan. She convinces him to try a new look and plots to help Mr. Wolfe get revenge for his broken heart. Meanwhile, Noah is convinced Carmen is the love of his life and George and Dallas find themselves caught in the crossfire, while Tessa interns for Jill.

When George forgets the birthday gift that Dallas gives him, Dallas feels as if she'll never compare to his ex, Alex, and she seeks solace in carbs and Jill Werner. Meanwhile, Tessa believes that she has lost her youthful vigor, and Noah makes a shocking discovery about his psychiatrist, Bob.

Post-divorce Noah and Opus take up residence in a high end hotel until the Chatswin moms corner George and force him to intervene. Luckily George allows Noah and Opus to move in with him until they get back on their feet. Meanwhile, Dallas discovers that Dalia is a hoarder, and Fred enlists Tessa to school him on what's hip so he can land the job of his dreams.

When George agrees to participate in the "Dads of Chatswin" calendar, he becomes obsessed with his body image and alienates Dallas. Meanwhile Dalia buddies up to Tessa, and Lisa discovers her true motives.

When it comes time for Ryan to choose a college, Tessa endeavors to remain neutral even though Ryan begs her to decide for him. Tessa ultimately rigs his decision-making process, and Dalia uses this to her advantage. Meanwhile, George asks Dallas to move in with him in the most unromantic way, and as a newly licensed realtor, Sheila sells George's house before it hits the market.

The bitingly iconic single-camera comedy, "Suburgatory," concludes the season with a one-hour finale event.

Sheila launches a chastity campaign in Chatswin and convinces Mr. Wolfe to throw a Chastity Ball at the high school, assuming that Lisa will be crowned queen of the ball. Meanwhile George buys a house for Dallas and receives a visit from her ex-husband, and Tessa sets up residence in her bathroom stall at school.

After Alex disappears, George tries to rebuild his relationship with Tessa and he introduces her to his new dog. When Sheila Shay discovers that there's a dog on the loose in Chatswin, she dedicates herself to tracking this canine fiend and it's up to Tessa and George to protect him. Meanwhile, Dalia shuns Dallas after her break-up with Daddy Altman.

When empty nest syndrome hits the Shay household, Sheila and Fred take in a foster kid named Victor who they believe to be a mini-Ryan. Jealous of the new Ryan, Lisa decides to make his life difficult and reveal him as a con. Meanwhile, Tessa puts the breaks on George's friendship with Dalia.

Tessa becomes concerned when George lets himself go after his break-up with Dallas and she calls on George's dad to help him move on. His father's advice and blatant attempts rub George the wrong way. Meanwhile, Tessa discovers that Ryan is coming home to visit and that he's bringing home his new girlfriend.

When Dallas sees George at the dog park, she recruits Dalia to negotiate her territory in Chatswin, while Tessa has to represent George's interests. Tessa notices that Lisa is spending a lot of time with Ryan's girlfriend, June, and Fred is worried that Sheila is distancing herself.

When Noah is released from a court mandated anger management program, George is shocked to find a docile Noah has replaced his former hot-headed friend. Shaken by the change, George decides to put the new Noah to the test. Meanwhile, Tessa ditches "senior tanning" and meets a cool new age band hanging out at the park. The free spirited music group isn't exactly what they appear.

When George becomes enamored with Chatswin's latest hotspot... a juice bar, Tessa reminds him of their pact to not get sucked into Chatswin culture. This inspires George and Fred to take a trip to New York, which doesn't turn out the way George had planned. Meanwhile, Tessa is pressured into attending Evan's birthday party and reveals what she really thinks of him.

When Tessa drags Malik and Lisa to a college party, she meets a male version of herself and becomes enamored. They see eye-to-eye on everything and it's almost the perfect relationship. Meanwhile, Dallas enlists a matchmaker to set her and Dalia up, but the matchmaker convinces Dallas to date herself and she decides to get back to basics with a new look.

When Lisa decides to propose to Malik, Tessa isn't sure how to support her friend and turns to George for advice. After Lisa's proposal doesn't go as planned, Tessa steps up and is inspired to fight for Ryan. Meanwhile, George believes his girlfriend Nora might be rude to her employees.

When Dallas's mother passes away, she recruits Tessa to take a trip to the South with her to attend the funeral. During the trip, Dallas confronts her rivalry with her sister and her feelings toward her mother. Meanwhile, George, Noah and Fred go on a grouper that results in a stalker for Fred.

When Tessa takes a young social outcast under her wing, she decides to mentor her protégée for the Miss Chatswin pageant to make a statement to Chatswin society. The pageant rivalry between Tessa and Dalia comes to a head and Tessa finds herself stooping to Dalia's level to win. Meanwhile, George, Noah, Fred and Victor go on a boy's weekend camping trip where Fred accidently loses Victor in the wilderness.

When Dalia fails to get into the only college she applied to, Dallas is on a mission to help her find her calling, however, Dalia takes it upon herself to find a sugar daddy. Meanwhile, George forces Tessa to double date with him and a hot mom and her son that they met during her college tour.

When Tessa takes over planning Lisa and Malik's wedding, she struggles with the limited budget and loses sight of the romance. Meanwhile, June confronts Tessa and warns her to stay away from Ryan, Malik's family decides to boycott the wedding and he enlists George's help to walk him down the aisle, and Sheila offers Lisa some pearls of wisdom.

When Tessa joins a knitting circle, George is a little surprised by the age gap between Tessa and her new friends. Still reeling from his one-night stand, George decides to put pen to paper and writes a song dedicated to his muse. Meanwhile, newlyweds Malik and Lisa can't seem to get along.