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I'ma Friend You Recap

At Wayne Security, the staff watch a newscast of Crimson Fox announcing that she's moving to Metropolis. Emily is shocked that the city's main hero is leaving. Ron suggests that they might get a cool new superhero, but Emily warns that petty crime will skyrocket and women are always the target. Jackie agrees with her, pointing out that Weird Tony the Hot Dog Guy was extra weird. Ron and Teddy don't understand why Tony is weird instead of fun, until the women demonstrate. Teddy offers to walk them to their cars at night, and Van yells at them all to grow a pair before calling Jackie in to deal with a bee in his office.

In the break room, Emily suggests to Jackie that they take a self-defense class together. Jackie isn't interested until Emily says that there's a chance she'll get to punch a stranger. Van calls Jackie in and tells her that something horrible has happened. He calls everyone in and tells them that someone used his personal bathroom. Van says that the guilty party will be fired and tells them to step forward. No one does, and Van vows to find the guilty party.

Later, Emily prepares to go to the class for lunch and looks for Jackie. Emily insists to Teddy that the two of them have their own thing, and figures that Jackie is already at the class. On the way back from class, Emily runs into Teddy. She admits that Jackie didn't show, and she tripped and fell in garbage dodging Jack-O-Lantern's fireballs. Teddy points out that Jackie is nearby in a car reading a book, and Emily goes over to confront her. Jackie asks to talk about it later, just as a woman gets into the car after setting up an Uber ride with Jackie. Whispering, Jackie tells Emily that she's trying to make a little extra cash on the side, and orders Emily out of her car.

Later at work, Jackie pins Emily's arm behind her back and pushes her to the side. She then tells Emily that her daughter Ruby's class is taking a trip to Metropolis and she needs to raise $500. Jackie doesn't want anyone at work to know it, and tells Emily not to tell anyone. Emily worries that Jackie could get mugged or fireballed, and Jackie tells her to stop bonding with her or "Emily" her.

Soon, Emily tells her team that someone she isn't supposed to mention need help. They refuse to give money to Jackie, and Emily suggests that they pitch in to help Jackie out. Van calls everyone but Emily into her office and says that they were the only three people in the office. Teddy says that it wasn't them, but Van calls in Peter the Janitor. Peter testifies that he found a copy of Phenom Magazine in the bathroom and asks who it belongs to. None of them break, and Van says that he's going to move their workspaces to a conference room. It's a dark and gloomy place, and Van promises they'll stay there until someone tells them who did it. It's not that dark and gloomy, and Van warns that it's going to get nasty.

Emily goes to Ruby's school and talks to her teacher, Mrs. Fry. She drops off a check for Ruby's class trip, and Mrs. Fry says there is no class trip. The children hear them talk and cheer until Mrs. Fry corrects them. The teacher tells Emily to leave and the children aren't too happy with Emily, either.

At work, Emily that it's time to just mind their own business. She admits that she was just trying to be a good friend and went too far, just as Ruby comes in and tells Jackie that Emily was the one who said they were going on a trip. Furious, Jackie walks off.

Van questions Teddy alone and tries to get him confess that Ron committed the crime. He gives him a thousand-dollar furniture coupon if Teddy squeals. Later, Van calls in Ron and tells him that Teddy ratted him out, but suggests he might be lying. He then questions Wendy, who thinks that he's flirting with her.

Emily brings Jackie coffee but Jackie isn't interested. Jackie isn't interested when Emily says that it's the last thing she'll say to her and walks after her. Emily goes after her and says that it would be a shame if her mistake ruined their blossoming friendship. Jackie tells her that she doesn't want Emily butting into her life and drives off. Jack-O-Lantern flies down and fires some fireballs, destroying Jackie's SUV.

Later at the hospital, the doctor tells Jackie that she just got a bump on the head and they called her emergency contact. Emily comes in with flowers and a balloon, and Jackie admits that she had to put someone down as her emergency contact. Jackie finally tells her that the money is for her classes because she's trying to get her MBA. She admits that it would probably be good to be friends with someone like Emily, but asks her to turn the volume down a little. Emily suggests that they hug and Jackie agrees if they make it quick. She then tells Emily to drive her home.

In the break room, Teddy accuses Wendy of selling them out for a gift card. She figures that Teddy is blaming her to throw everyone off the scent, and they argue until Ron says that Van is tearing them apart and he's going to put an end to it. He goes to Van's office and tells him that he used his toilet. Teddy and Wendy come in and confess as well, and Van assumes that they all three did it at the same time until Teddy tells him that they're standing together. The security team sends Van footage of the incident, which shows Jackie killing the bee and knocking it into the toilet using the magazine. Van claims that he was teaching them a convoluted lesson about friendship.

Jackie and Emily walk back from self-defense class and Jackie uses her training on Tony when he harasses her. They high-five each other and walk away, while Ron and Teddy eat hot dogs.

Throughout the night, everyone uses Van's private bathroom. Peter deletes the security footage and uses the bathroom.

Written by Gadfly on Mar 31, 2017

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