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The Super-Colossal Affair Recap

Somewhere in Sicily, Napoleon is in a produce wagon outside a manor and taking photos of mobster Frank Cariago meeting with his Uncle Giuliano. The two men greet each other and go inside to their conference while Cariago's bodyguard stands watch outside. Illya, disguised as a winemaker carrying a basket of grapes, walks by the bodyguard as he goes on his round.

Once Illya gets past the bodyguard, Angelo, he takes out a stethoscope and listens at the wall below the manor's main conference room. Giuliano is complaining to the assembled mobsters about how Las Vegas has gone legitimate after all the effort and money they spent building it up. Now they're unable to get their cut of the profits, and Cariago is on the spot. Cariago assures Giuliano that he'll soon take care of the problem despite the fact he's lost twelve men, but Giuliano points out that he's said the same thing before. The head mobster gives Cariago a week to resolve the problem, or his will be the thirteenth funeral.

Angelo spots Illya and draws his gun, and the Russian dumps his grapes on him and runs. He grabs a motorbike from a passing messenger and drives over to Napoleon's wagon. Illya removes his disguise and Napoleon puts on an old woman's disguise, and the bodyguards drive past them, unwitting.

Act I: My baby wants Technicolor-Cinemascope, my baby gets Technicolor Cinemascope.

Back at U.N.C.L.E. HQ, Napoleon and Illya make their report, Waverly points out that they didn't learn what the point of the conference was. He tells them to stick with Cariago in Beverly Hills and find out what he's up to.

The agents head to Cariago's estate in Beverly Hills and Illya goes in posing as a pool cleaner. Napoleon waits in the van as his partner plants bugs by the pool. Cariago's girlfriend Ginger LaVeer comes out and asks Illya what he's doing. He claims that he's a repairman and Ginger introduces herself as Cariago's "friend." Ginger flirts with him, hinting that it hasn't been the first time, and talks about how Cariago is away so much. She talks about how he just got back from a visit with his family, and then left right away. When Ginger mentions that she spends all of her time reading show biz magazines, Illya follows that line and Ginger explains that she's a former go-go dancer. She plans to be back in the business very soon because Cariago has promised her a part in a movie.

As Ginger tells Illya that Cariago was in Las Vegas, Cariago comes out with his men. His arm is broken and he snaps at Ginger when she asks if he's okay. Illya goes to the van and listens in with Napoleon as Ginger shows Cariago a newspaper article and says that he can buy in easily now that director Sheldon Veblen has run out of money. Cariago mutters about only having four days left and snaps at Ginger again, well aware of her affairs. Ginger complains that Cariago promised to get her into movies and she insists that it's the perfect opportunity. Cariago orders her to go away and Ginger walks off in a huff.

Angelo reads the newspaper and notices that Sheldon's production of a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah is shutting down. Cariago gets an idea and calls Ginger over. He promises to get her into movies and she hugs him, hitting his broken arm. Cariago shoves her away and she hits the bush where Illya planted one of his bugs. Angelo finds it and they recognize it as U.N.C.L.E. technology, and figure Illya is an agent. Cariago muffles it and then replants the bug nearby.

Later, Sheldon is filming a scene for his movie and calls cut. He complains that the leading actor, Hardy Twill, isn't showing enough emotion. Napoleon and Illya arrive, posing as movie magazine reporters. Sheldon is quick to assure them that they're one big happy family. A process server, Harry, comes by and slaps Sheldon with a court order to impound his equipment. Sheldon gathers the cast and crew and gives his newest farewell speech. He figures they've heard it before so he doesn't bother repeating most of it.

Sheldon thanks everyone for their efforts but admits the film will never be finished. Cariago and his men arrive and the mobster introduces himself. While Illya avoids being seen for fear of being recognized, Cariago tells Harry to take his people outside and the process server makes a hasty exit. The mobster then asks how much Sheldon needs to start production back up. The director says that it would take at least two million and Cariago tells Napoleon to tell his readers that Sheldon has a new backer. Napoleon asks what his angle is and Sheldon echoes his question. Cariago laughs and calls Ginger in, and Sheldon realizes what the mobster wants.

Napoleon and Illya try to leave before she recognizes Illya, but Cariago has his men stop them and orders them to take photos of his new star. She recognizes Illya, who snaps a photo and leaves with Napoleon. Ginger explains that Illya was the pool repairman and Cariago tells his men to stop them.

Act II: More action! I want impact!

Angelo and his men capture the agents and Cariago tells Angelo to treat them just like they would treat him. He figures that they're from U.N.C.L.E.… Uncle Giuliano. Everyone laughs and welcomes them to the family. The agents soon have their own chairs and are enjoying the catering. Sheldon begins filming Ginger's first scene in a bed, waiting for her husband who owns a casino and is off playing cards with his gangster buddies. Two masked thugs come in through the window to kidnap her but her husband and his bodyguard break in and a fight breaks out. When Ginger wonders what to do, Sheldon tells her to emote. She tries to emote but Sheldon realizes that they need to take a break and film the scene later.

Later, Sheldon is in the editing room watching Ginger's screen test when Napoleon comes in. The agent asks how the movie ends and the director says that it ends just like in the Bible. However, he refuses to reveal how he plans to destroy Las Vegas in his movie.

Illya goes to Ginger's dressing room and looks through the script. Ginger comes in and starts to flirt with him again, but he distracts her by giving her a hand mirror. As she primps in the mirror, Illya points out that the script doesn't have an end. Ginger isn't sure if Cariago knows the end but she's sure that no one else does.

Later, Cariago asks Sheldon what the end of the movie is, but the director refuses to tell him. When the mobster threatens to withdraw his money, Sheldon whispers it to him and Cariago congratulates him on an imaginative ending. Cariago then checks on the agents. Napoleon claims that they hadn't been able to find out what his plan was because of his security. As Cariago starts to tell them, Angelo comes over and tells Cariago that he has a call from Giuliano.

The mobster gets the key to Sheldon's private office and takes the call. Giuliano is furious that Cariago is wasting two million dollars just to get Ginger into the movie. Cariago says that Ginger is just a front and his real plan is to wipe out Las Vegas. Sheldon plans to drop a dummy bomb, but he won't know that Cariago is substituting a real atomic bomb. Cariago looks at the model that Sheldon has of Las Vegas and throws the switch, sitting off the prop explosion as he laughs in triumph. Giuliano congratulates him on his plan--if it succeeds--and Cariago tells him that he's taking care of his uncle's two men. The Sicilian has no idea what he's talking about and tells his nephew to dispose of them.

Act III: Put the mistake in the tub.

Back on set, Sheldon tries to film the bedroom scene again. An angry Cariago comes in and Illya and Napoleon realize their cover is blown. They run through the set and a fight breaks out between the agents, the actors, and the real thugs. Sheldon tries to clear the shot and Ginger emotes. Napoleon and Illya finally fight their way clear and run outside, and Cariago's men open fire. One of them shoots Napoleon's gun out of his hand and the agents are soon captured after a brief fight. Angelo and his men take them to a construction warehouse and chain them up, and then drops Illya into a tub of liquid concrete. The bodyguard promises Napoleon that they'll dispose of him once Cariago gets down interrogating him.

Cariago goes to see the scientist he's hired to provide an atomic bomb. The scientist warns that it will take time and offers him a conventional bomb, but Cariago warns that Giuliano wants the best. Giuliano unexpectedly arrives, figuring Cariago would bungle the job, and has his men bring in an atomic bomb that he's acquired. Ginger barges in, complaining that Cariago left her in the car, and sees the bomb. He tells her the plan and Giuliano complains that his nephew has a big mouth. Ginger tries to leave but Giuliano orders Cariago to lock her up.

Act IV: That's what I call a jackpot.

Once Angelo and his men leave, Napoleon frees himself and runs over to the tub. The concrete has hardened but Illya has used a straw to keep breathing, and tells Napoleon to get him out.

Waverly arrives in Las Vegas and Illya calls him as Napoleon chisels him out of the concrete. The Russian admits that they don't know what Cariago's plan is and Waverly tells him that Giuliano is somewhere in the U.S.

Ginger keeps banging on the closet door but gets no response. Meanwhile, Cariago and his men haul the atomic bomb out to a private plane. Sheldon and his film crew arrive, assuming that the bomb is a prop, and starts to drag it aboard. Cariago tries to stop him from setting off the mechanism, and the director complains that it isn't the prop he ordered. He keeps pounding on it until Cariago stops him, and Sheldon realizes that it's a real bomb. Giuliano and his men lead him away at gunpoint.

Ginger manages to slip the latch on the door and gets out. As she drives off the set, Illya and Napoleon find her and she tells them what Cariago is doing. They drive off for the airport in Ginger's car.

Giuliano and his men knock out Sheldon and leave him on the runway as they taxi the plane out. The agents arrive and drive after it, and Ginger drives while Napoleon and Illya climb aboard the ladder. The plane lifts off while Ginger drives over to check on Sheldon. He refuses to call the police and insists on finding a plane and filming the destruction of Las Vegas for real.

Waverly goes to a casino to watch the gamblers. One old lady is playing a slot machine without success and she invites Waverly to play it for her and break the hex. He agrees and gives the arm a pull.

Illya and Napoleon take on Cariago's men and Napoleon breaks into the cockpit. Giuliano throws the bomb release switch and it plummets out of the bay... with Illya on top. Behind them, Sheldon and Ginger fly in a plane and the director films everything.

Once Napoleon takes out Giuliano's man, he warns the mobster that if the bomb goes off, they'll be killed Giuliano explains that the bomb is a giant stink bomb, not an atomic bomb.

On the bomb, Illya manages to don a parachute that he grabbed and climbs up to the nose of the bomb. He unscrews the cap and gags at the stench.

Waverly plays and loses, and tries again.

Realizing the bomb is a dud, Illya leaps clear. The bomb falls through the roof of the casino just as Waverly wins a jackpot.

Later, Sheldon's movie premieres to rave reviews. Giuliano and Cariago are in jail, and Napoleon suggests that they could see the movie in prison. While Ginger poses for the cameras, Sheldon asks where Illya is, suggesting he could make a passable actor. Napoleon says that Illya had other matters on his hand and calls Illya, who is undergoing a strenuous de-scenting procedure at U.N.C.L.E. HQ.

Written by Gadfly on Oct 13, 2015

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