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Family Recap

Ash does a TV ad for his new hardware store emporium where he's slashing high prices instead of monsters. He then washes it at the store while Pablo tends to the shelves. The customers are lining up outside, and Ash explains that it's not only a combined hardware store/sex store emporium, but a shrine to him. Going outside, Ash greets his fans and lets everyone inside.

At an antique show, Treasures from the Loft, Amy gives the host Stanley Gibson the Necronomicon, which she found in the mud.

That night at a bar, Kelly is kicking out men who are eating the pretzels without buying drinks. She sees the antique show on the TV and recognizes the Book, and calls someone to say they were right and the evil is coming back.

Stanley reads a passage from the Book.

Ash is selling clamps, while a TV behind him shows Treasures. Stanley finishes reading and tells Amy that the book is the Necronomicon. The barn that they're in shakes as Stanley explains that reading from the book out loud could summon demons. The demons slam through the wall and send everyone flying.

The show goes off the air and Ash complains that they paid for two more spots.

Pablo is outside selling fish tacos from a booth when he suddenly moans in pain. He excuses himself and goes outside to check himself, and realizes that writing has appeared on his stomach.

As Stanley tries to crawl through the bodies, Ruby comes in and smashes in Stanley's head when he refuses to hand the Book over.

At the Elk Grove high school, two girls--Rachel and Brandy--are cleaning graffiti off the lockers. Brandy just wants to get done and get through the next four months to graduation. The school mascot, Cougy, appears down the hallway and stares at them. He says nothing when they yell at him to go, and the lights go out. Something growls in the darkness, and the lights come up revealing Cougy much closer to them. Blood starts pouring from his costume eyes and mouth, and the blood pools on the floor and spreads toward the girls. The lockers drip blood and shake, and the blood surrounds the girls. The lights go out and come back up, and Cougy is even closer. Rachel and Brandy run, slipping and falling in the blood, and manages to get away.

The girls run down the hallway to the doors only to discover that they're locked. Cougy closes in on them.

Outside the hardware store, Ash is drinking and telling stories. A woman, Candace Barr, is watching in disgust and gets a call from Brandy. Meanwhile, Pablo tells Ash that he has to talk to him. Candace comes over and calls Ash a son of a bitch, and he doesn't remember her. She punches him in the face and says that she's his wife, and tells Ash that they need to talk.

Candace drags Ash into the store and a man named Dalton watching them goes inside after them. Meanwhile, Candace says that one of Ash's monsters attacked Brandy. Ash insists that they buried evil, as Pablo comes in and says that Candace is telling the truth. He reveals the inscriptions on his stomach, and Ash agrees to check things out at the high school. He and Pablo drive away, and the man follows them on his motorcycle.

As they drive, Candace tells Ash her name and he remembers having sex with her--a lot--and getting married in Branson. Candace explains that Brandy thinks her father is a crack dealer because Candace didn't want to admit her husband was a psycho killer.

Ruby takes the Necronomicon to her motel room and strokes the cover. She opens it to the page showing the prophecy about Ash, drives a knife through the palm of her hand, and lets the blood drip on the page. Ruby then smears it around and casts a spell, licking the blood off of her fingers. Gagging, she collapses to the floor and pulls up her shirt, revealing something inside of her stomach.

Ash, Pablo, and Candace enter the high school and Candace discovers that Brandy isn't answering her phone. While Ash looks at the trophy case, Pablo tells Candace that Ash has almost always had his back. Ash finds his emergency stash of marijuana under one of the trophies and tucks it in his pocket, and the trio hears something down the hallway. They go down the hallway, unaware of something moving behind them.

Brandy and Rachel hide in the music room and something moves out in the hallway. Ash and the others come in and turn on the lights, and Brandy runs to her mother. Ash warns that Brandy could be possessed and says that he's Brandy's father.

The lights go out and they turn to Rachel. A Deadite has possessed her, and she's playing the piano as the lights come up. Ash draws his shotgun and approaches her, and Rachel turns them to snarling and then disappears as the piano keeps playing. She appears at the drums and beats on them, and then leaps to a bass and plays that. Rachel shoots the bow at Ash and disappears again, and then plays a blast of music on a tuba. Instruments attack Ash and Pablo, and Rachel slams the cymbals together. She throws one at Brandy, and Pablo shoves her out of the way. The flying cymbal severs Candace's head, and Brandy screams in grief.

Rachel plays the harp, and Ash kicks it over on her. She says that soon they'll destroy his seed, and Ash jumps on the harp, driving the strings through Rachel. He turns to Brandy, who stares at him in shock. Cougy grabs Ash and yanks him through the window into the hallway, and Ash revs up his chainsaw and fights back. Pablo grabs his fire axe and goes out to help his friend, cutting Cougy in the back. It knocks Pablo away and throws Ash down the hallway, and then leaps on him. Dalton and Kelly arrive, and Dalton fires a grenade into Cougy's mouth. Kelly shoots the grenade, blowing Cougy's head off.

Dalton and Kelly walk over and Dalton kneels before Ash, saying that he is the prophesied one. Kelly explains that Dalton is with the Knights of Sumeria and he's kind of a fan. Ash explains that Brandy is his daughter, and can't remember her name. He says that evil is back and they vow to take it down. Ash lights up the marijuana and offers some to Brandy.

Written by Gadfly on Feb 25, 2018

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