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Saturday Morning Funtime Recap

Captain Vincent of the Morbillo notes in his log that the nation of Atlantis has emerged from the ocean and residents have come aboard to play Quoits with his passengers.

Sleeping, Adam hears voices in his head telling him to make it happen, as one of Anathema's magazines about Atlantis lies nearby

The next day, Them are in the woods and talk about Adam's theories on aliens. Adam says that the government hushes up the aliens' message of global peace and harmony, and Pepper warns him that all of the theories in the magazines aren't real. The Antichrist insists that they're in magazines so they must be real, and everything he says is true.

On the last day of the world, Aziraphale meets Gabriel at the park as the latter jogs. He says that they need to get word to God that there have been prophecies that Armageddon is coming and start. Gabriel figures that they'll fight and win, and there has to be a war so Heaven can win it. The archangel tells Gabriel to get to Heaven and prepare to fight, and asks where his flaming sword is. Aziraphale assures Gabriel that he didn't just give it away and the archangel jogs off.

The delivery man, Lesley, gets out of bed and tells his wife Maud that he has two more deliveries to make. He doesn't know who booked the deliveries, but his office has told him that they were set up 6,000 years ago. Maud assumes that it was a joke, but Lesley doesn't care because his job is to deliver packages. He blows Maud a kiss and leaves.

In Heaven, Michael suggests to Gabriel that she went through the Earth observation files. Gabriel reads them and figures that there's an innocent explanation, but agrees to let Michael follow up on the reports using her "back channels". The file contains photographs of Aziraphale and Crowley together. Michael calls Ligur in Hell and confirms that Aziraphale isn't working with them, and suggests that they investigate Crowley.

In his office, Crowley wonders where he should go, and complains to God about his plan, suggesting that God not test humans to the end of the world.

Lesley drives to an empty stretch of highway and walks along a nearby stretch of river. He finds a woman, Pollution, who sitting staring at the polluted river and says that it's polluted. Pollution has taken over from Pestilence after the latter retired, and signs for the package in smudgy oil. Once Lesley leaves, Pollution takes out her crown from the package and puts it on her head.

Lesley returns to his delivery van and stares at the final address in shock. After pocketing the note, he writes a note to Maud saying that he loves her, puts it on the dashboard, gets out, and walks across the highway. A passing lorry passes by, hitting him. Lesley's ghost sees Death standing over his corpse, and tells him that he has a message: "come and see". Death explains that it's a call to action and today they ride. He tells Lesley to think of death as leaving early to avoid the rush.

Them go to Anathema's cottage and Adam asks her for more of the magazines. She offers them chocolates, but all of them except Wensleydale refuse to take sweets from witches. The others give in, while across the world pundits discuss how nuclear reactors can still be producing power after they've vanished.

Newton meets with Shadwell, who tells him that it's up to Newton to find Adam. The young witchfinder wonders why there aren't more of them, and Shadwell gives him a witchfinder jacket, a pendulum of discovery, thumbscrews, firefighters, bell, book, and candle. Finally he gives him Newton an ornate pin to detect witches, and Newton heads to Tadfield.

Newton drives to Tadfield, while underground Tibetans find themselves summoned to dig tunnels. An alien saucer lands in a field as Newton passes, and two aliens come out tell Newton that they're there to bring a message of universal peace. The alien admits that she doesn't know why they were supposed to deliver the message. Newton calls Shadwell and tells him what happened, and Shadwell tells him that he's a witchfinder, not an alienfinder.

As Them go walking, they consider whether to save the whales. Adam agrees to save the whales.

Out at sea, a Japanese whaling ship discovers that the sea bottom is dropping. The kraken destroys the ship and four more.

In Hell, Ligur tells Hastur that something is up with Crowley and he's not up to something bad. Hastur says that he needs proof before he can act but once he has it, Crowley is toast.

In Tadfield, Anathema gets a reminder from the prophecies that a witchfinder will arrive shortly in a blue chariot.

Newton arrives in Tadfield in his blue car, passing Them, and skids to avoid two Tibetans digging their way up onto the road. The children run over when they hear the crash and help Newton out, and he passes out.

In the fields of Meggido, Hastur and three demons wait for the Four Horsemen to arrive. When one of them jokes, Hastur says that he doesn't like jokes and exterminates him, and another demon confirms that the Antichrist and the hell hound will be there in twenty minutes, and the ambassador is there for a photo op at the nearby temple. The demon tries to explain what a photo op is, and Hastur incinerates him when he learns that Crowley invented them. The third demon finishes the report, saying that when the Antichrist, the hell hound, and the Horsemen converge, Armageddon will begin. Hastur makes a joke and laughs.

Them take Newton to Anathema, and Anathema says that she knows all about him. They take him to her bedroom and lay him on the bed, and Anathema says that she was expecting him but was hoping he wouldn't because then the Beast is real. Adam sees a painting of the Beast on Anathema's wall and the voices in his head tell him to make it real. When the others leave, Adam first says that he didn't tell them they could go, then says that he'll see them after lunch. As the children walk home, Brian figures that Adam has changed, and he and Wensleydale agree that they didn't think Adam would let them go. They come to Adam and Dog standing by the side of the path, Adam staring off into space.

Thaddeus Dowling and his entourage arrive at Meggido. Warlock and Harriet are with Thaddeus, and Thaddeus explains that they're there to meet with Israeli archaeologists for a fact-finding vacation. The local guide introduces Hastur as an Israeli archaeologist, and Hastur goes to Warlock. He wonders where the hell hound is, and yells at Thaddeus to shut up. Hastur confirms that Warlock doesn't hear voices, and Hastur bites his finger in frustration.

Crowley is at a theater when Hastur contacts him one of the animated movie characters and demands to know what Crowley has done. The demon explains that Warlock knows nothing about Armageddon, kills one of the other animated characters, and tells Crowley that they're coming to collect him.

Anathema knows who Newton is from Agnes' prophecies, and Newton tells her that he's not really a witchfinder because there are no witches. His host tells him that she's a witch and shows him the prophecy about him, and explains that she's Agnes' descendant and one of Newton's ancestors burned Agnes at the stake. Anathema admits that she took Newton's matches, and is sure that Newton wouldn't burn anyone because it's not in any of the prophecies. She explains that the end of the world should be in just over four hours, and it starts in Tadfield. Anathema says that she can't find the Antichrist, and Newton reads the prophecy about Adam's address and remembers Shadwell writing down Adam's name and address. He tells Anathema what he knows and that he was told to keep an eye on Adam, and Anathema doesn't believe such a sweet child could be the Antichrist.

Adam tells Them to follow him, and they find themselves forced to go along. He says that they're coming with him because there's nowhere else to go because nothing will be left by the time they grow up. The others say that it's a stupid game, but Adam tells them that it's their job to start it again.

Crowley drives to Aziraphale's book shop, apologizes to him, and suggests that they run away together. Aziraphale figures that if he reaches the right people then he can settle it out, but Crowley tells him that there are no right people. Crowley says that he's getting his stuff and leaving Earth, and drives off. A passerby overhears them and tells Aziraphale that he's better off without Crowley.

Driving to his flat, Crowley collects his thermos of holy water and pours it into a bucket. Hastur and Ligur break the door in, and Crowley sets the bucket up on top of a slightly ajar door. He sits down at his desk, and when Ligur comes in first he knocks the bucket down and the holy water extinguishes him. Hastur screams in shock that Crowley would use holy water, and Crowley holds up a plant mister filled with holy water. He tells Hastur to leave, but Hastur sees a drop from the tip fall on Crowley's finger and calls Crowley's bluff. Hastur destroys the mister with a gesture and tells Crowley that it's time to go.

Aziraphale calls and gets Crowley's answering machine, and the angel says that he knows where the Antichrist is. Crowley tells Hastur not to move, picks up the phone, and tells Aziraphale that it's not a good time. Once he hangs up, he tells Hastur that it was all a test to make sure that he's suitable to lead the legions of the damned. Crowley dials his phone, supposedly for the dark council, tells Hastur that he's a sucker, and teleports away down the line.

Hastur shrinks down to the size of an electron like Crowley and pursues him. However, Crowley lures him onto a tape in his antique answering machine, trapping Hastur there, and runs out.

Twenty-eight minutes earlier, Aziraphale is walking down the street when Michael, Uriel, and Sandolphan surround him and say that they've learned he's been consorting with the enemy. They tell Aziraphale that Crowley is in trouble in Hell, and it's time for Aziraphale to choose sides. Aziraphale says their job as angels is to keep things working so humans can make choices. Sandolphan punches Aziraphale in the stomach, and Aziraphale warns them that he's going to take the matter up with a higher authority. Uriel says that God won't take his calls and he's ridiculous. The Horn of Armageddon sounds and the angels fly off, and Aziraphale angrily says that they're bad angels.

As storms whip up, Adam tells the others that he figures that the world deserves for the nuclear bombs to go off so that the world can start again. Pepper points out that people will get killed and she's against it, but Adam figures that they can have amazing games when they're the only ones left. He refuses to let them go home to their parents, and says that he has friends coming that will help him, and levitates into the air.

Newton wonders what they do once they find Adam, and Anathema says that they will stop him because he's bringing Armageddon. She admits that Agnes didn't say, but went off about the two of them. They go outside and are swept up in a nearby tornado. They hang on to the cottage and Anathema says that the prophecies tell that the wind will drop off long enough for them to get back inside. They get back inside and take refuge under Anathema's bed, as the wind redoubles and blows through the bedroom. One prophecy blows under the bed, and it says to reach out to each other. Newton realizes all of the things he's never done, including kissing a girl, and the two of them kiss.

In Shadwell's office, the witchfinder pin appears in his map, pointing to Tadfield. It falls out and Shadwell sticks it into the spot on the map where the cottage is indicated. The map smokes, and Madame Tracy comes in with tea. Shadwell tells her that he's sent Newton alone into the jaws of doom, and admits that he's a bad man and a worse witchfinder. Tracy points out that there's a train to Tadfield and offers Shadwell money to take it.

Newton suggests that they have dinner first, but Anathema tells him that there's no time and they undress.

The map showing the cottage bursts into flame, and Shadwell puts it out with Tracy's tea. He refuses to take Tracy's money, but figures that Aziraphale will give him the money and contemplates the tortures that Newton is going through.

Newton and Anathema make love. A lot.

Tracy helps Shadwell get dressed for his trip to Tadfield.

Adam tells Them that their home is there with him, and Pepper tells him to stop it. He orders them to stop talking and their mouths disappear/

Aziraphale closes his shop and draws a mystical holy circle on the floor. He prays to God, asking if anybody is there. Shadwell arrives at the shop and knocks on the door, and the circle glows. The Metatron appears and says that he is the voice of the Almighty. Shadwell peers in the mail slot and sees the Metatron, and Aziraphale tells the Metatron that he needs to speak to God. Aziraphale says that he knows who the Antichrist is and where he is, so there doesn't need to be an Armageddon. The Metatron insists that the point is to win the war, not avoid it, and they thought a nuclear exchange would make a good start to the war. He invites Aziraphale to join them, and the angel says that he has a few things to tie up. The Metatron warns him not to dawdle and disappears.

Shadwell picks the lock, while Aziraphale calls Crowley and Crowley hangs up on him during his confrontation with Hastur. Shadwell breaks in and accuses Aziraphale of being in league with the forces of darkness, and tries to exorcise him with bell, book, and candle. Aziraphale tries to keep him away from the circle as Shadwell looks for a bell, book, and candle. The angel backs into the circle and is teleported to Heaven in a burst of white light, and Shadwell wonders what he's done and then quickly leaves. A candle falls over and sets the shop on fire.

Written by Gadfly on Jun 8, 2019

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