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The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives Recap

In Hell, Beelzebub, Hastur, and Dagon go to an execution chamber. A bathtub is waiting, and a gallery of lesser demons look on. The ruling demons take their thrones and the usher announces that the trial of Crowley, ending with his obliteration, begins. Guards bring Crowley in and the demon lords tell him that he doesn't have a defense lawyer and they built the place particularly for his trial and destruction.


Earlier, Crowley arrives at Tadfield Air Base and greets Aziraphale in Tracy's body. Adam opens the gate and Them ride in, and the guard goes to call it in. The flaming Bentley finally explodes and Crowley is heartbroken. Aziraphale reminds him that the guard has a gun, and points out that he can't expect an angel to do the dirty work. The guard yells at them to leave, and Aziraphale miraculously makes him disappear. Crowley says a few final words over the Bentley. More soldiers arrive and Crowley goes to deal with them.

Tyler tells Arthur that he saw Adam and his friends going into the air base, and tells Arthur not to blame him if Arthur starts World War 3.

Outside the computer hut, Them face off against the Four Horsemen. Anathema and Newton arrive nearby and Anathema sees the Horsemen's auras. The couple go into the hut and Anathema says that the Horsemen's auras were like black holes. She doesn't think they're entirely human, and checks the broadcasts coming in from around the world that nuclear strike protocols have been implemented. There's an override preventing people from shutting down the weapons.

Death tells Adam that Armageddon has begun, and Adam's existence demands the end of the world. As Crowley, Aziraphale/Tracy, and Shadwell arrive by jeep, Death tells Adam that the boy can finish the world with one thought. Crowley tells Shadwell to shoot Adam with the Thunder Gun, and when Shadwell balks Aziraphale/Tracy grabs the weapon. Tracy says that they can't shoot children, and Aziraphale suggests that they wait. The woman takes over and fires the gun into the air, and tells Aziraphale that she couldn't let him do it. Adam separates them with a thought, giving Aziraphale a new body in the process.

Anathema figures that they have to do something and finds one of Agnes' prophecies "He's not what he says he is." Newton realizes that it's about him and explains that he's rubbish with computers and they break down when he touches them.

Adam says that the Horsemen are imaginary. War says that they were made to serve her, but Pepper tells her that war is masculine imperialism. The Horseman tells her to run home and play with her dolls, and Pepper angrily refuses to endorse sexism. She kicks War in the shin, takes her flaming sword, and says that they're Adam's real friends. War grabs the sword, and Pepper says that she believes in peace. The Horseman is consumed in flames, and Brian grabs the sword when Pepper drops it. He tells Pollution that he believes in a clean world and stabs her, and she disappears in a plot of oil. Wensleydale grabs the sword and says that he believes in good food. Famine grabs the sword and Dog bites his leg. Famine disappears as well with a scream.

In Hell, Beelzebub tells Dagon that the Apocalypse is upon them and orders Dagon to encourage the troops. Dagon says that they were all angels once, but now they're tougher, smarter, and more dangerous. Beelzebub realizes that something is wrong.

Anathema tells Newton to fix the computers better, speeding up Armageddon. He hits a few keys and the computers across the world short out.

Death says that he is Creation's shadow and he and the other Horsemen are never far away. Destroying him would destroy the world. Death flies away on wings of night, and departs, but Crowley warns Aziraphale that it's not over because Heaven and Hell still want their war. He congratulates Adam but says that it won't make any difference. Anathema and Newton come out and Anathema realizes that the duo are the ones who took her book. Crowley tosses it to her, and one prophecy falls out. Aziraphale reads it: it says to choose their faces wisely. The angel starts at the beginning, at the Garden of Eden, but Crowley cuts him off. Anathema greets Adam and says that Newton is her boyfriend.

Gabriel and Beelzebub appear and Crowley points out Adam to them. The archangel tells Adam that Armageddon must restart, and Beelzebub insists that Adam must fulfill his destiny. Adam figures that they want to end the world to see which side is best, and Gabriel insists that it's all part of the great plan. Beelzebub tells Adam that he'll get to rule the world, but Adam figures it's hard enough finding games for Them to play.

When Gabriel says that it's all part of the great plan, Aziraphale interrupts and notes that Heaven's Great Plan and Hell's Ineffable Plan sound alike. Crowley realizes that they don't know, and says that it'd be a pity if they were going against their side's plan by doing the other side's plan. Gabriel and Beelzebub agree to go to their respective head offices and try to get their forces to go back to work. Regardless, they both figure that it's Aziraphale's and Crowley's fault. Gabriel complains that Adam is a disobedient brat, and Beelzebub promises that someone will tell Adam's father and he will not be pleased.

Gabriel and Beelzebub disappear, and the world shakes. Crowley realizes that they told Adam's father, and Satan is not happy. Shadwell vows that anyone who wants to hurt Tracy will have to get past him, impressing Tracy. Crowley warns Aziraphale that there's nothing they can do against Satan and they're fucked.

Aziraphale tells Crowley to come up with something or he'll never talk to him again. Crowley stops time, giving himself, Aziraphale, and Adam into a "timeout space", and tells Adam that Satan is coming to destroy all of them and he is angry. He figures that fighting Adam wouldn't do any good, and Aziraphale tells Adam that it's not a bad thing that Adam is just a kid. He says that Adam is human incarnate, not heavenly or hellish. Crowley tells Adam that reality will listen to whatever he wants, and Aziraphale says that no matter what they're both beside Adam.

The three of them join hands and time begins again. Crowley tells Adam to do whatever he's going to do quickly. A giant Satan claws his way up out of the earth, and tells his rebellious son Adam to come to him. Adam tells him that he's not his father, and if he's in trouble it will be with the father that was there for him. He says that Satan isn't his father and never was, and Satan disappears screaming in defiance. Arthur drives up and Crowley tells Aziraphale that he's Adam's father and always was. Arthur asks everyone for an explanation.

That night, Aziraphale and Crowley meet outside on a bench and Aziraphale figures it would have been much worse if they were competent. He then shows Crowley the final prophecy he found earlier: that soon they will be playing with fire. Crowley wonders if God intended it to all work out the way it did. Lesley arrives to pick up the Horseman's relics, and notes that War's sword is missing. Aziraphale is sitting on it, and asks Aziraphale to sign for the package. The angel does so, and Lesley admits that he doesn't think his wife Maud would believe him if he told her what he went through earlier.

Once Lesley leaves, the bus to Oxford that Aziraphale has been waiting for pulls up. Crowley suggests that Aziraphale stay at his place since the book shop burned down. When Aziraphale says that his side wouldn't like it, Crowley points out that neither of them has a side anymore.

Aziraphale takes the bus to London and discovers that Adam rebooted reality. His book shop is restored, although there is a new set of William books that weren't there before. Crowley discovers that his Bentley has been restored as well, but takes a taxi.

Adam tidies his room and shows it to Harriet, and asks if he and Dog can go outside. She asks if Arthur was right when he said that Adam would know what he did wrong even if he didn't, and Harriet asks for an explanation. Her son can't, and Harriet tells him that he can only go out into the garden.

Newton wakes up next to Anathema in her bed, leans over, and kisses her. Anathema wakes up and asks Newton why his car is called "Dick Turpin", and he says that since Turpin was a highwayman, everywhere his car goes it holds up traffic. She wonders if they saved the world, and Newton doesn't know. Anathema tells Newton that he's a good witchfinder because he found her.

British and Russian agents meet in St. James Park and agree that there were mass hallucinations throughout the world. Nearby, Aziraphale and Crowley buy ices from a vendor and confirm that their personal items were restored. Neither of them have heard from their people, and they admit that they don't understand everything that happened. Death appears and says that it was all ineffable, and then disappears. Uriel and a squad of angels take Aziraphale away while Crowley is distracted, and when Crowley gives chase Dagon and the demons knock him out.

In Heaven, Gabriel greets a tied-up Aziraphale and Uriah says that their new associate is on his way.

In Hell, Hastur accuses Crowley of killing Ligur. The gallery declares Crowley guilty, and Michael arrives with a pitcher of holy water. She fills the bathtub with the liquid, and Dagon explains that they're cooperating with their old enemies.

Ligur arrives in Heaven bearing hellfire, and starts a fire.

Hastur tests the holy water by tossing the usher in. It melts, and Crowley asks to remove his jacket first so it isn't ruined.

Shadwell is reading about demons, and Tracy comes into his flat and suggests that after everything they've been through, she's laid a place for him at her table in her "den of equity". Touched, Shadwell goes with her.

A lawyer, Giles Baddicome, brings Newton and his "wife" a small bequest. Giles explains that his firm had had the bequest for over 300 years.

Three hundred years ago, Agnes' daughter brings Lawyer Robey a package. There's a letter with it, containing five prophecies so that Robey can start his law firm. All he has to do is make sure the package is taken care of until it's delivered in 2019.

Anathema comes in and introduces herself, and recognizes the style of the box as Agnes'. She has Giles open it, and inside they find a letter addressed to Newton and a gold coin. Giles reads the letter, picks up the coin, and runs out. The letter tells Giles to run before the town finds out about his affair. There is a package of prophecies in the box, about the world that is to come: The Saga Continues.

Tracy suggests that she move out of London and get a bungalow, and invites Shadwell to come with her. Shadwell figures that Newton isn't coming back and he's the only witchfinder left, and he asks how many nipples she has. Tracy assures him that she only has two, and Shadwell figures that's all right.

Gabriel says that "the greater good" was that they were going to settle things with the opposition once and for all. Aziraphale points out that they're supposed to be the good guys, and Gabriel tells him that he's a traitor and to get into the fire.

Crowley gets into the holy water and it has no effect on him. He flicks water at the gallery, and the demons flinch back. Crowley asks for a rubber duck.

Aziraphale is unaffected by the hellfire, and breathes some out at the angels. Gabriel figures that it's worse than they thought.

Beelzebub realizes that Crowley isn't one of them anymore and has gone native.

Aziraphale smiles at Gabriel and the others.

Crowley says that soon they'll find out what else he can do. Hastur wants to fight, but Beelzebub tells the gallery to leave. Michael returns and Crowley asks her for a bath towel. He says that it would be better for everyone if he was left alone, and the demon lords and Michael quickly agree.

Newton and Anathema go out to a park, and Anathema burns the prophecies rather than be a descendant all of her life.

Adam's three friends sneak around the back of the garden and asked him what happened. He says that all he wanted to do was help and he's stuck in the garden, but his parents will forget by the next day and let him out. Once his friends leave, Adam gently encourages Dog to run out of the garden. He uses his powers to create a hole in the edge, and chases after Dog when he runs out. Adam sees Anathema and Newton, and waves to them. He then plucks an apple from Tyler's tree and runs off.

Crowley and Aziraphale meet and figure that their sides will pretend nothing ever happened. They confirm that no one is watching them and then switch appearances, just as Agnes predicted. Crowley figures that their sides will leave them alone for a bit, and eventually they will unite to fight humanity. He tempts Aziraphale to lunch at the Ritz, and as they eat. Aziraphale suggests that it might not have worked out if Crowley wasn't a good person at heart, and Crowley suggests that Aziraphale is a bit of a bastard. They share a toast to the world, and a nightingale sings in Berkeley Square.

Written by Gadfly on Jun 9, 2019

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